Uncharted Desires SEQUEL to 'Destroyed'
by Liz1986
Summary: Sequel to DESTROYED. It has been over a year since Angel's recovery from the brutal attack... and a year later, he is still plagued by nightmares... but now, a chance encounter with a child will change his life... all their lives. ANGELCOLLINS...
1. Chapter 1

**Uncharted Desires**

_**Sequel to DESTROYED**_

**INTRODUCTION: Here is my sequel to DESTROYED, which I highly recommend that you read before this one as there may be some chapters where you just won't have a clue what's happening, specifically when it comes to flashbacks and memories that have been in the previous story. In DESTROYED, after Angel caught Collins cheating on him with in a club his ex boyfriend turned drug pusher, Sam Michaels, and subsequently tossed him out on his ass. Three months later, Julia convinced Collins to return to New York and his lover, where chaos then proceeded to ensue, with Angel almost being killed _twice. _Through turmoil they overcame and the story was ended on a happy note. Now, Uncharted Desires chronicles the following year in their lives, with Angel still with us – this story is considerably lighter, though will have its dark moments. Sam and Julian will be marking their return (which is why I suggest new readers check out the first story – I know it's long, but it'll help you understand) even though they are behind bars. Julia will also be back. **

**A year after the tragic events that almost cost Angel his life, twice and things has returned to as normal as they could be for the family of friends. The psychological scars still burn Angel with nightmares, though he works through them with the love and support of Collins and his friends. He has, though, regained his bright, bubbly spirit and lives life to the fullest once again, now knowing just how precious life is and how easily it can be taken away. While on the street one day, Angel makes a discovery that will change their lives forever… what – or _who_ – that discovery is, will surprise you. And Mark's will change big time, too. You can believe that. New characters – Mercy (5) and Charlotte (23) will be introduced. This story is about teaching our bohemians about taking chances… when Angel takes a chance on a little girl.**

**NOTE: The dynamics of the story may change, I.E. my writing style… this is just a warning to the readers who are already familiar with my writings, and what I mean by this is that I MAY choose to alternate point of views (I.E. from Angel's perspective, then Collins, then Mark's, then Roger's, and then maybe back to a third person perspective) – just to keep the story interesting and to take the readers deeper into the complexities of the situations our favourite bohemians have to face. So just keep that in mind, but I will make it easy and let you know should I be alternating a point of view. I'm not sure if I will pursue this structure for the story, but like I said, I'll let you know if I decide to.**

**DISCLAIMER: Of course, none of the eight characters – Mark, Roger, Benny, Mimi, Maureen, Angel, Joanne, or Collins is mine. Nor are the peripheral characters that I may choose to include (such as Benny's wife (Alison), and Alexi Darling, or even April). They are purely fictional creations of the wonderful Jonathan Larson (R.I.P), who obviously owned them and upon his death, ownership and copyright of RENT and its characters passed onto his family and estate. The other characters – Sam, Julian, Julia, and the new characters for this story, Mercy and Charlotte, are mine – twisted figments of my very twisted imagination.**

**Okay, okay, sorry for rambling on like this but it had to be done. Okay! Onto the story!**

* * *

"SHIT!"

"Mark, what are you doing?"

"Oww! Nothing, Roger I stumped my toe on the table!"

"Fuck! Whoever that is, get your hand off my ass!"

"It's me, Maureen!"

Pause.

"Joanne, get your hand off my ass!"

"Oh shut up! You didn't object when that woman from the Cat Scratch Club had a go!"

"Joanne, Maureen, don't start!"

"Fuck you, Collins!"

"Sorry, Maureen… I don't do the 'female' thing"

"Uh-huh but you'll do Angel?"

"She's as close to a woman as I wanna get!"

"Uh, guys, can we stay focused?"

"Mark's right. Roger, baby, where the hell did you go?"

"I haven't gone anywhere! It's the power that's disappeared…"

"FUCK YOU BENNY!"

"Maureen, pull your twisted head back inside the window NOW!"

"Whatever, Mimi! He can't keep doing this to us!"

"Well you screeching out the window ain't doing us any favors!"

"It's more than the rest of you are doing – now damn it! I KNOW that ain't Joanne's hand on my butt! Normally it wouldn't bother me, but… can we get some fucking light?"

"Sorry!"

"Roger?"

"I said sorry Mims! It wasn't on purpose! Geez! You're getting as paranoid as Joanne!"

"Ha ha!"

"Screw you, Roger; Maureen… I don't need this shit from either of you right now!"

The six friends were scrambling to find not only a source of light, but some heat as well. It was now December 16th, 1992 and once again they found themselves in a familiar predicament – pissed off the landlords (which still happened to be Benny) and now, without having paid the last six months of rent, was in the position of having no heat and no power. So they were freezing in the darkness, again. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, everything had been going along fine until Maureen decided to have a go at Benny for something trivial or whatever, and now it seemed like they were all paying the price. In the year that had passed since we left this small group of bohemians, everything had returned to as normal as was actually possibly, given what had happened that previous year. All of them chose not to reflect on the past any longer, and to live each moment as if it were their last, at Angel's insistence (which was no surprise, given that he was the one who had suffered the most the year before, and he was subsequently now trying to get on with whatever time left he had on this earth). Mark had gotten some freelance photography work, Roger was still writing his songs, Mimi was still at the club though was now officially an ex-junkie; Maureen and Joanne were still together, living under the same roof, Collins was working at New York University under strict supervision and guidelines, and Angel had fully recovered from his injuries and was still doing his street drumming. Everything was working out fine, though the nightmares of what had happened to him in the year before still came back and haunted him from time to time; often enough he'd wake up in a heated sweat, hyperventilating after coming out of the nightmare that prevented him from sleeping peacefully. He would then wake Collins up, who would gladly sit up with him and hold him until he had calmed down… so the trauma was still there, but they were getting through it. Each day got easier for Angel, Collins, and all of them. None of them had seen or talked to, or even thought about Sam and Julian since they were convicted, and occasionally Collins, or Mimi, or Roger would go to see Julia where she was incarcerated, but Angel was not allowed to go. Collins prevented him, as he feared it would only cause him to bring up old pains and emotions that he shouldn't have to go through again. But, surprisingly enough, Angel was doing a lot better and had progressed further than any of them thought he would, and of course that couldn't be a bad thing. If it was even possible, his and Collins' relationship had got even stronger over the time since he left the hospital after Sam had put him there by beating and raping her… and then five days later, Julian came in to finish what Sam couldn't, and ended up slitting Angel's throat.

But that was all in the past now, thank God. After all the shit the seven of them had to go through, it wasn't surprising that none of them wanted anything more than to face the future. Not that they disregarded or forgot about the past entirely, no that would be stupid – they learned what they needed to learn from the experiences (they had to, given their lifestyles), and had let it go as best they could. Now, on December 16th, 1992, they were in the very same position they were in at Christmas in 1989… where the family really did come together.

"I'm going to fucking KILL HIM!" Roger screamed in frustration, rubbing his leg after accidentally walking into Mark's bike that was rested against the wall, as he tried to find where exactly Mimi had put the candles. "Mimi, where are they?"

"Quit your bitching, baby, they're on the shelf over there!"

"Over _where_?"

"By the door!"

In the darkness, and not knowing what clutter was at his feet, Roger outstretched his arms in front of him and slowly walked in the direction he knew the front door to be. Benjamin Coffin the third was so getting his ass kicked for this – how could man that rich be so stupid? Oh wait… now _that's_ a stupid question.

"OWW!" Collins yelped and jumped out the way, almost toppling over the table he was standing next to, after Roger crashed into him.

"Sorry!"

"Jesus fucking Christ this shit has got to stop!" Collins rubbed his arm. "Are there any flashlights or _something_?"

"Mark lost the two flashlights a few months ago," Roger pointed out, as Collins held out his arm to help him up. The musician gladly accepted his offer and was then pulled to his feet. "Who knows where they are now…?"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault!" Mark protested in defense of himself.

"Uh-huh, _sure_ Cohen."

"Back off!"

"Guys, shut up!" Mimi rolled her eyes and said in frustration. This was getting out of hand, even for her, and it wasn't the time for them to start bickering. Everyone was pissed off, hungry, freezing, and wanting Angel to get his ass back to the loft with the food he said he'd go buy with part of Collins' pay check. So far he had been gone almost an hour, and knowing Angel the way they did, they knew it'd probably be an hour more before he got back with the provisions. Lesson one learnt. Never let a bubbly drag queen do the tasks that need to be done with the utmost importance – no doubt he had was dancing around Avenue A checking out any of the vendors, or looking for new materials to make exciting, crazy outfits out of. It was nearly 8:00PM, dark, and Collins wasn't exactly at ease about letting him go alone (which was understandable), but he had insisted.

"_Baby, you sure you wanna go alone? I'm not sure you're ready…_" Collins spoke with grave concern, but Angel laughed the concerns off.

"_Honey, I'm just going to the store, I mean come ON! Totally stifling me here sweetie, and besides… are you ready? Am I ready? When are any of us gonna be ready?_"

"_Angel, you're not making sense—_"

"_Exactly! My point exactly, Collins! Doesn't make any sense. Anyway I'll be fine! Honest! Please!"_ he had then gone on to pout and gave his lover that look… his eyes mesmerized him and he knew he could get away with anything; that Collins would cave to him. And he was right. Collins had then shaken his head and sighed, defeated. What was the point with arguing with him? A woman's logic was something never to be argued with, no matter how totally strange it may be – that's a reason why Collins always thankful he was gay. But now it seemed like arguing with a drag queen's logic was even worse! Way more twisted and skewed...

Finally Roger made it to the shelves, relatively unharmed and he started feeling around for he matches and candles. About ten seconds later, his hands came across what he felt was what they were looking for and he picked up the box of matches, removed one from the casing and lit it. Sure enough, the spark was enough to cause a flame that illuminated enough space around him so Roger could see what he was doing a little more clearly. There in front of him, he saw five candles and a small lantern that Mark insisted they keep there, just in case a situation like this ever presented itself… and now Roger grudgingly had to admit that it was a pretty smart idea, but not that he'd admit it to anyone, especially Mark. He proceeded to light each other the candles.

"Thank God," he muttered under his breath, relieved that they had some light to keep them satisfied until they were given a good opportunity to go hunt Benny down and give him the ass kicking he deserved. It still hurt that their no ex friend had turned on them, after sharing so many similar dreams and principles… his desires were once no match the principles he stood behind them with. And it surprised them even more when he was the first and only one of them to abandon those principles for the sake of money… the poster boy for selling out. Well, as we all know, this was not the first time he had cut the power on them or the other tent city residents, but it was just another reason that he needed to get a lesson in morality more so than anyone else. "Guys," he called over to the others, who were all still in their stationary positions in the darkness. "Someone get over here and help me with the lantern, please?"

Mimi jumped to her feet from the sitting position she was in on the sofa, and cautiously made her way over to him. She lovingly placed her arm around his wait upon approaching him and he acknowledged her subtle affection with a charming smile.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she echoed and let him go. "You okay?"

"I'm good. A little help?"

Mimi assisted him in lighting the lamp which didn't take long; thankfully not giving them anymore problems than they were having already. Roger then blew the match out and turned around.  
"Well," he sighed. "It's not much, but it's something." And he wasn't kidding. At least now they could see each other and various objects which they had been tripping over and trying to avoid for the past fifteen minutes. He looked around to see Collins sitting on the table he had just fell onto; Mark was on the sofa, Maureen was sitting on the floor with Joanne standing next to her – all of them looked bored out of their minds. Maureen was obviously sulking.

"Where is she? She said she'd be, like, ten minutes!"

"Girl, do you know how long ten minutes is in Angel's world?" Mimi laughed, and picked up the lantern, and then walked back to the group. "Seriously, it converts to, what, two hours in normal time – wouldn't ya say, Collins?"

"Hmm?" Collins looked up, having not paid much attention. Mimi rolled her eyes again.

"Never mind, sweetie."

"So what now?" Mark asked, looking at each of them as if expecting different answers.

"Damn it, I want food!" Maureen whined and pushed her arms against the sofa, pushing herself up and grabbed Joanne's arm, unexpectedly, to steady herself.

"Maureen!" Joanne snapped, almost falling over herself. "Watch it!"

"Sorry baby," Maureen grinned and kissed her cheek. How these two managed to stay together after all the crap they had put each other through was beyond anyone's guess, especially Mark's. But, nevertheless, at least things were returning to normal, which is what they all needed. Well, normalcy to them was what society would consider very much abnormal, but they didn't care about what anyone thought of them… I guess that's how they managed to survive for so long, was not caring or having to try live up to other people's expectations.

As their little charade was going on, Collins was totally oblivious to it all, and stared out the window, and we all know why. Given Angel has AIDS, it's not too hard to understand Collins' concerns for his lover. He had always been attentive to his needs, but even more so when he came so close to losing him… that was hard enough to have to live with, and Angel was always telling him to let it go. He was, but it was taking longer for him because not only had he felt the same pain Angel did, but he also felt most responsible for it, which only served to place extra weight on his shoulders that he, nor anyone, would ever need or deserve.

Collins sighed and felt him self shaking a little as he exhaled – he was nervous, and it did not escape his friends' attention. Roger approached him, with a candle in each hand. He held one out to his longtime friend.

"Collins?"

Apparently Collins didn't hear him, as he was still gazing out at the window, lost in his own worried thoughts and concerns over Angel's safety. Mark and Roger exchanged glances, and Roger then placed one candle on the table and snapped his fingers in front of Collins' face, which sufficiently did the job of drawing Collins out of his withdrawn state.

"You in there, man?"

"Hmm?" he looked up and around to see the other five staring at him with a mixture of curiosity and concern. "What?"

"You okay?" Roger asked again, frowning. "Wanna share?"

"No, I'm good." He then got to his feet. "Look, I'm gonna go see what Angel's up to, I don't feel—"

"Collins, sit down and shut up," Maureen insisted. "Angel's old enough to take care of herself… and let's face it, she can take those gloves off and take on a fight as good as any man could. There's nothing to worry about!"

"Yeah, but—"

"No buts!" Roger insisted, gently pushing Collins by his shoulder, so he was sitting down again. "You're staying. If he's not back in half an hour, we'll go, okay?"

**MEANWHILE – WITH ANGEL**

Carrying the provisions in his pickle tub, which he carried under his arm, he walked down the street with a tiny smile on his face. He didn't know why, but something about this Christmas was gonna be so special… he could feel it, and when Angel got a feeling, chances are that it wasn't too far off the truth of a situation or certain circumstances. That was just the aura of Angel Dumott Schunard. Time was irrelevant to his life and everything about it, because in his mind, as soon as you started living by the rules of time, then the quality of life starts to dissipate… life is meant to be lived without a care, and time was one of those restraints that unfortunately tended to follow many people around because they didn't know how to appreciate the beauty of life without some sort of control… order… structure. Angel didn't. Even before his recovery, before he was attacked, before Collins cheated on him… his life was nothing but freedom – he was the picture of freedom and love, and his beliefs had definitely been challenged during tough trials that could've certainly killed him and his friends. And Collins. Oh God was he in love with him… never had Angel fallen all over his self like he did for this man, and he was completely gone when he was with him. And their friends. Everyday he was thankful to be blessed with their company, and was gonna make sure that he did nothing to fuck it up again.

Being the holiday season, it was only natural that Angel was dressed up in his beautiful holiday season outfits. On this night he was wearing a white skirt with gold stitching, and white tights, with a red sweater, white gloves, and black platform heels, as well as his favourite black wig and he was looking fabulous as always, and after shopping for the past hour he couldn't wait to get back to the loft. Now that Collins was working again (he started at NYU about eight months earlier), things weren't as bleak for them anymore, and they managed to keep their apartment and lead a fairly stable life, given that their lifestyle usually demanded instability.

He jumped up onto a small ledge, humming one of his favourite Christmas songs and lightly tapping one of his drumsticks on any surface he came to pass. Tonight was a beautiful evening, there was no doubt about it. Snow was starting to lightly fall from the sky, and Angel giggled when one snowflake landed on his nose. Why he was so happy, not even he knew, but whatever it was, he loved the feeling… a freedom… it was the latter part of the year that always did this to him. And to be heading home, where he could feel his lover's strong arms wrap around his waist and to feel Collins' lips kissing the back of his neck.

Angel felt shivers run down his spine at that thought, and his smile grew even wider with all the wicked thoughts of what he wanted to do to Collins…

He hoped off the ledge and skipped up a little more, feeling the urge to get him, yet the difficulty in resisting to jump Collins as soon as he saw him. It wasn't necessarily too much to say that it was hard to pry them apart, when Collins wasn't working, and the closeness of their relationship was only demonstrated further with their total lack of shyness when it came to expressing that love. Public displays of affection were far from uncommon with Collins and Angel, despite the dirty and a lot of the time disgusted looks they got from the still relatively homophobic society at large that saw them as nothing more than a waste of space in society. But they didn't care. They were in love and nothing else existed but each other when they were together…

Angel grinned when he saw the Christmas decorations in one of the stores as he went by, tapping the window lightly with his drumstick. This was Angel's season… season of love… Christmas was his second favourite holiday, after Halloween. Halloween was when he had a legitimate excuse for going wild and crazy with his costuming… not that if ever stopped him, before but the beauty of Halloween was that it allowed creativity to mix with the rush, that amazing feeling of innocent fun of being a child. Angel loved it. But Christmas was definitely a close second, as it allowed a person to really experience the love… the beauty… of being alive.

"Angel!"

He stopped when he heard his name from behind, and turned around to see someone in the distance running towards him. His jaw dropped.

"Jordan!"

Jordan… Erica's boyfriend? Angel couldn't believe who he was seeing… he hadn't seen Jordan in almost four years, since Erica's funeral. Wow.

"Oh my God!" Angel squealed and started running to meet up with him. Already he was feeling tears in his eyes, but he didn't care. A few seconds later, he had flung him self into Jordan's arms, and started sobbing. Jordan chuckled at her emotional response and returned the love with a fierce embrace… Erica had meant so much to them both, and unfortunately after the voluptuous drag queen diva died of the AIDS virus in 1986; they lost contact for no particular reason. It just happened. And now, to see Jordan here, in 1992, still looking as damn hot as he had always been.

"JORDAN!" Angel cried, pulling away and putting her hands to his cheeks to get a better look at the man who had made Erica's last few years the most blissful, and happiest, she had experienced. Angel could not have hoped for a better lover for her mentor.

"Oh my God! Baby, wha—" the shock was so evident in Angel's eyes, seeing Jordan's beautiful face for the first time in a long time, that he could barely formulate single words let alone actual sentences.

He chuckled. "Hey Angel, baby…" he greeted Erica's best friend with a warm hug and even warmer smile. "How you been, girl?"

Angel blinked repeatedly, as if not believe who he was seeing. "I… I… oh, sweetie you don't wanna know! Long story! Wha… how have you been? What are you doing here? I thought you left after…" he trailed off, not wanting to say what both of them were thinking.

"I'm in New York on business… I moved to North Carolina a couple months after Erica died… I'm so sorry I didn't call you, baby, I know I should've, I was just so depressed and—"

"Shhh!" Angel hushed, with a weak laugh and wiping the tears from his eyes. "Hush yourself, darling. You don't gotta apologise for anything, sweetheart. I'm just so happy… so shocked… to see you!" he stroked Jordan's dark skin softly. "Oh, God Jordan… you look amazing! So amazing…"

"And you!" Jordan stepped back, taking hold of Angel's hands and looked him up and down. "Damn, Angel, you just get more and more gorgeous all the time!" Angel blushed as he looked at her again, his smile faltering only a little. "Erica would be proud, sweetie. You know that, right? She would be so proud… you became who you were born to be."

Angel's smile, too, wavered at the thought of the diva whom was more like a mother, a sister, a best friend to him than any of his real family ever had been. "Yeah," he whispered. "She would."

Angel then took Jordan's hand in her own and they started walking down the street, Jordan offering to carry the tub of food and supplies that Angel had bought, which he gladly let him do. The snow was falling, and two close friends were suddenly reunited on the street for the first time in close to six years, and Angel was shaking so badly… not from the cold whether or the disease, but from the shock of seeing Jordan again, whom he hadn't seen for so long, but whom had never left his heart. They walked for what seemed like forever, though really was only two blocks, in complete silence as they both had to absorb what was happening, and the shock of it all. Jordan was a true inspiration, a testament of courage and strength when it came to losing a loved one, and he was the one who comforted Angel during when he was grieving the death of Erica. Suddenly, Angel forgot all about the obligations he had to get back to the loft, and was enjoying the quietness he was having with a friend who he thought he'd never see again.

"I can't believe this is happening," Angel muttered, softly. "Seeing you again…" he stopped and turned to face Jordan, who also stopped when he felt Angel was no longer next to him. Angel then lifted his hand to Jordan's face and touched his skin, feeling it for confirmation that this was real. What a beautiful Christmas gift this was. "What were you doing here?"

"You mean now?"

"Yeah…"

Jordan pressed his lips together in a thin, straight line, and his forehead creased a little. Truth was, he didn't know why he was here… this was where he and Erica came so often when they were together, in the throes of love and passion, they'd go up to the roofs of buildings where they would lay together for hours, sometimes make love, or talk, or read, or just go crazy together.

"I don't know," he replied, honestly. "I guess… I mean, I'm here with a colleague, at a bar down the street. I saw you walk by, and I just freaked."

Angel shook his head and then kissed Jordan's cheek, pulling him closer into a hug. "Baby, I missed you so much…" he sniffed. "You have no idea what's been happening…"

"Well why don't you tell me," Jordan used his thumb to wipe away a tear from just under Angel's eyes. "I got time. Joe went back to the hotel… maybe you and I can have this time to catch up. Tell me what's been happening, you know?"

Angel smiled, happy to have found a moment in time which he could literally cherish forever… seeing a long lost friend for the first time in years always brought hope, happiness, and most importantly, love. A unique moment that could soften even the hardest of hearts and Angel could not turn him down. Dragging him by his hand, Angel began walking down the street. Being night time now, not many places were open where they could sit and talk, but right then neither really cared where they were – they were just happy to see each other again, so close to Christmas, and seeing that the other was doing well given the circumstances (yes Jordan has AIDS too). Angel led him over to a nearby bus stop where they could sit down.

"So," Jordan grinned at him, and pulled the petite drag queen into his arms, and kissed the back of his head. "What's been going on with you?"

Angel's heart fluttered, and he couldn't wait to tell him about Collins, his one true love, and of course, his friends. "Well, um… I dunno. What do ya wanna know?"

"Anything and everything, baby…"

Angel giggled and brushed strands of his hair… well, the wig… out of his face, and placed his head on Jordan's shoulder. "Anything, huh? You wanna know all my dirty, sordid secrets?"

Jordan pouted, sticking out his bottom lip. "Aww… Angel, gorgeous, you could never be dirty or sordid. Anyone who says differently is a fucking asshole and I'll kick their ass."

"I love you too, honey," Angel looked up and winked, mischievously. Don't go getting any ideas from this, Angel and Jordan are just friends. They had a lot of lost time to make up for, and seeing Angel again only made him want to stay in New York even more… to move back. "Gosh, you have no idea what you've missed… some seriously shitty stuff has gone down."

"Such as?"

Angel sighed. This was not how he wanted to started off the trip down memory lane, so he sat up and looked at his friend. "You really want me to start from the beginning?"

"Every bit. Leave nothing out."

"Well, okay… I guess I should start with this… Jordan, the most amazing person entered my life almost three years ago. His names Collins. Tom Collins. Jordan, I'm in love…"

**2 HOURS LATER – 10:14PM**

It was close to ten o'clock and Angel was fast growing tired, but he had managed to tell Jordan all the important things of what happened in his life, including what happened with Samuel and Julian. Needless to say, by the end of it, Jordan was stunned. Still holding Angel in his arms, he stared straight ahead as he tried to comprehend everything he was told. So much of it was a classic tale of tragedy, but also one of blossoming romance and friendships… this Collins guy whom Angel was smitten with sounded like everything Erica could've ever wanted for her girl, and when Angel told him of what happened last year, he definitely almost freaked out. He suddenly realized just how much he missed Angel, and how much of his young life he never got to see… Erica would've been so disappointed yes, but Jordan also hated the fact that he wasn't around to protect Angel in his most vulnerable of times. There were few words that could describe what he was feeling…

"Fucking hell…"

Those were two of them.

Angel nodded and yawned. "I know, I know… crazy shit, huh?"

"No kidding…" Jordan frowned and then looked down at the innocence of young Angel, all dressed in red and white, already for Christmas. How could anyone even wanna _think_ about violating this beautiful, gorgeous human being who had done so much to spread love and joy to everyone he met. What kind of monster would wanna destroy this life? This angel? Instinctively, Jordan pulled Angel closer, and kissed his forehead. "Angel, I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"What for?" Angel innocently, and casually replied, inspecting his newly painted nails.

"I shoulda been here for you! I shouldn't have left! I should've—"

"Shut up, Jordy!" Angel interrupted, with mock-frustration. He then sat up and turned around just enough to properly face his friend, who was looking so concerned… so guilty, and Angel's heart melted. "Oh, baby, don't worry! Honestly! Okay? I'm fine now… okay?" he kissed the side of Jordan's neck and smiled very sweetly – a smile that could calm anybody. Though he remained a little uneasy, Jordan nodded and relaxed somewhat… Angel was okay now, and that's all that mattered. Time, suddenly seemed so relevant to him… though to Angel, it was meaningless – no existent.

"Okay!" Angel insisted.

"Yeah, yeah…" Jordan replied. "I'm just glad you're okay… back to your normal self."

"Oh please!" the drag queen gushed, melodramatically. "Nothing could ever bring me down, baby. Not possible! Ha!"

Angel sank back against Jordan's body and stared up into the break in the clouds… he could see a single star there, and became momentarily lost in its beauty – its mystery. And then, all of a sudden…

"OH SHIT!" he jumped to his feet and grabbed the pickle tub and started panicky. Confused, and startled, Jordan also stood up. How do you calm a panicking drag queen? The hysterics and melodramatics not withstanding, they could be very high strung at times.

"Angel, ANGEL!" he tried. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I gotta go!" Angel yelled and started running down and across the street, but then stopped when he got to the other side and turned around – Jordan was still standing there, dumbfounded and confused. Angel then crossed the street again and jumped into his arms, hugging and crying at the same time. His heart was beating so fast. How could he have been so dumb? "I'm sorry! I am, it's just that I was supposed to be home, like hours ago and they're gonna be worried _and_ hungry… probably more hungry than worried, but still I gotta go!"

"Who's 'they'?"

"My friends. Collins. My friends, um… Roger, Mimi, Mark, Maureen, Joanne… they're all waiting for me, oh fuck!" Angel bit his bottom lip. "Collins is probably gonna be scared to death, he isn't exactly comfortable with me being out alone at night again yet."

"Possessive?"

"Scared. I think he still feels a little guilty about last year, but it doesn't matter!" Angel gazed around, trying to think of what to do next. It was five and a half six years since he last saw Jordan, and he didn't want to have to go that long again. This whole time Angel had been telling him about how he's been, and hadn't gotten the chance to listen to Jordan's story. "Tomorrow, do you know where the Life Café is?" he breathed, brushing hair from his face. Jordan nodded.

"Of course I remember it. I used to live here, honey, remember?"

Angel giggled. "Hey, don't give me that attitude. How can I forget? We used to party together every weekend. Tomorrow, can you make it?"

"Sure. 4:00?"

"Sounds great!" Angel squealed and kissed him, in a friendly way. "I really gotta go baby! Tomorrow, at 4:00! Life Café!" he then turned and ran across the street again, eager to get home, yet not eager to face the wrath of his probably terrified-out-of-his-mind lover. Not that he could blame Collins for being upset, but as he ran down the street with the things he bought, in his gorgeous outfit, Angel could only image the stress Collins would be under now. He had said he'd be back within ten or fifteen minutes, but has actually been gone for three hours?

He ran down an alleyway, jumping over fallen debris, trashcans, and other junk that had been dumped there, feeling his heart was barely keeping up with the demands he was making of his body. He wanted to go faster, but felt the fatigue dragging him down so much that soon he had to slow down. Angel slowed to a paced walk, cursing him self for what happened, though not regretting running into Jordan. Jordan! Of all people, he was the last person Angel expected to see!

After ten or so minutes of walking, jogging, and weaving his way through back streets, taking as many shortcuts as he could to get home, Angel took a break just behind a building, and leaned against the brick wall, breathing deeply.

"Well, at least I'm burning the fat," he reasoned with himself, with typical drag queen diva attitude – notoriously, drag queens hate junk food and are like a lot of girls, and obsessed with their weight and keeping fit and gorgeous. While taking time out to breathe, Angel straightened his skirt and sweater, before closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the wall.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, Angel noticed something moving down the road, in the distance. Standing up straight, he strained his neck to see what was going on, and took a few steps in the direction where he saw the moment. Someone was down there. Of course, for Angel he understandably couldn't help but tense up, and subconsciously he touched his throat where the scar was, and shivered, almost wincing – as if he could feel the blade of the knife piercing his skin. He quivered and took a couple steps back, and was unsure if he wanted to know who was down there… before he had been caught off-guard by Sam, in the park. The second time, he was lying helpless, strapped down on a hospital bed. This time, he was well aware and not incapacitated to kick ass if he had do.

"Ugh!" He cried softly, in disgust with him self. "Angel, girl, get a grip! Damn…"

Then, someone started running down the street, in the opposite direction Angel was in. Angel couldn't see who it was, or how tall, or even if the person was a male or female… just a shadow. Just as Angel regained her ability to move, the shadow disappeared, and suddenly he was alone again… a rattling experience it was and he placed his hand over his chest, breathing deeply.

"Cool it, girl, cool it…"

With one more glance in the direction of where that person, or whatever it was, and turned and picked up his stuff and started running towards the loft. He just wanted to get home.

**

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**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ Okay, here's the sequel. Please review! Let me know what you think. This was an introductory chapter, and is definitely leading to something. In the next chapter – when Angel gets home, Collins has fallen asleep, but the next day the professor lets loose on his lover. Angel runs off and meets the 'shadow'. Suddenly, their whole lives are thrown into turmoil once more.**


	2. A Chance Encounter

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 2 – A Chance Encounter**

**_SUMMARY:_ Angel arrives home to Collins… The next day he meets an innocent homeless child who will change all their lives… for the better or worse is yet to be decided. I was gonna have Angel and Collins fight, but I thought that it wouldn't be a good way to start the story… Collins isn't _that_ high strung. **

**NOTE: Some concerns over the Mark/OC storyline have been brought to me. A few people emailed me, asking that I do the storyline and not make it as disturbing as I did Julia/Mark, and a few have told me not to do is as it will complicate things. Right now I'm determining whether this storyline will fit, so I put it down just in case I decide to run with it. I haven't decided on anything yet. Any ideas or suggestions are most welcome.**

**Sorry about the long chapter!**

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Angel's heels pounded the pavement so hard he feared they would break, also fearing what would be awaiting him when he got home. The thing was, none of his friends were sure that Angel was past any of the events of last year, as it was often enough that he woke up in the middle of the night with screaming nightmares, and they did hear about it. Nightmares of Sam's face, the force of being shoved up against the wall, the feeling of each blow again and again was so real that he woke up screaming from the pain. Sometimes it would be repeated each night, and it didn't take long for Angel's torments to become evident to his friends… the psychological torture was even more devastating in some aspects than the injuries he sustained. He was working through them, but at times he became emotionally crippled, and the pain of the events that almost took his life lingered on, tied to the seven of them by the threads of memory and time. Whoever said time heals all wounds should've been shot, because right now, as time kept going on at the same pace it always had, Angel was struggling to keep up as he got sucked back into the horrors of what happened. Each nightmare seemed so real… every blow; the knife across his throat.

So his friends were concerned, as they had every right to be, but Angel brushed them off, laughing and bouncing around so happily… masking the truth from them maybe the only way for them to get past it, Angel had figured. But over the months, the façade was slowly stripped away – Angel was never good at hiding who he was, and before he knew it he was crying on the floor with his friends trying to come up with possible solutions to at least ease his pain even for a little while. That's not to say that Angel wasn't happy – he was! Very happy. Happy to be alive; happy to still have his friends; happy to be with his love again… he just didn't know how to kill the demons from his past; for once Angel didn't have any ideas… wacky or even practical ones… that could solve the problem. Then again, this kind of thing wasn't exactly going to be solved, traumas never are… you can't get over a traumatic event. You just learn to cope with it. And that's what Angel was slowly learning to do – learning to cope with what happened. They all were.

We all know Angel is capable of taking care of him self out on the street, but let's just say his friends weren't entirely convinced he was strong enough to do so. Time, once again, seemed to be their enemy.

Angel rounded a corner, jumping over a fallen trash can and its contents that had spilled out over the pathway, never slowing his pace. Seeing Jordan again made him lose his connection with reality; falling into memories and happiness – like a child finding a toy he had lost – an innocent and pure sense of joy. Faster and faster he ran, suddenly feeling the desire to be back in the safety zone of his friends… as much as he had recovered, there would forever remain a touch of vulnerability with him, and for good reason. Minutes later, he approached the end of the pathway to where it met the street he was looking for. The loft was only about a block away now, Angel was relieved, but anticipated the very, well… pissed off reception he would get on his arrival. He feared it from one person in particular. Everything had been so messed up in their lives, it forced Angel to ponder the possibilities of whether being here was a good idea anymore – yes, that thought crossed his mind on more than one occasion. The impact _he_ had on his friends was the exact same impact Erica had on him, and he knew that – not from an ego perspective, but one of realism. It was a comfort to know of the love that resonated back to him when he gave it.

Angel stopped at the end of the pathway and looked both ways. The streets, only visible by the glowing street lamps, were empty with exception for the occasional junkie or hooker or whatever. Snow was started to fall at a more rapid rate, suggesting to him that he needed to get his ass back to the loft quickly so he didn't get sick… and we all know the possible thing that can occur if someone with AIDS was to get sick. Angel started running in the direction of the loft, feeling the softness of the snow as it hit his face, the powdery substance was icy cold and woke him from the fatigue he was experiencing long enough to keep up his pace. Angel loved the feel of snow against his skin… for no other reason than it was so soft.

"ANGEL!"

Angel's attention snapped in the direction from where he heard his name being called. He squinted to see through the darkness and snow as he came to a stop, and a few seconds later a familiar figure emerged from the darkness. Mimi. She was looking very scared and tired, but also relieved that she had found her girl.

"Angel!" she jumped into his arms, hugging him so close that she almost knocked him off balance. "Angel, where you been? Everyone's been worried sick! Collins is a mess!"

Angel hugged her back. "I know I know, I got distracted, I'm sorry, Mims!"

"Distracted?"

"I saw…" he stopped him self. Now wasn't the time or place to get into this. "I saw a friend. That's all."

Mimi searched his eyes to try deciphering what he meant, but to no avail. She then removed her jacket and placed it across Angel's shoulders, after seeing her friend shivering. "Come on! You're freezing, we gotta get you warm again!" she clutched his arm and they began walking quickly to the loft which was now visible, not too far away.

"Everyone's been looking for you… they're at the loft now, but I should warn you, girl – you're gonna get it so bad when you get in."

Angel groaned and closed his eyes. Not what he needed now. "Is he that pissed?"

"Oh yeah."

"Shit."

They crossed the street and by the time they got inside the door, the snow was falling so quickly it was almost blinding. Angel was the first to go in, and Mimi quickly followed, shutting it behind her and removing her gloves, still watching Angel with concern. He didn't seem hurt or upset. He wasn't disorientated. So she figured he was okay for now, physically, but whatever he had been doing in the three hours he had been gone wasn't harmful in anyway – which was usually the first thing that came to mine now when Angel returned from being gone, alone, after a while.

The climbed the stairs; Angel dreading each one that brought him closer to facing Collins' wrath, which especially tonight he didn't wanna do as he was so tired. Mimi soon picked up on his apprehension, and slipped her hand into his as she followed him up the stairs. When it came to Angel's safety, Collins could be somewhat… paranoid? Overprotective? Well, whatever – but sometimes it wasn't pretty as he would go off into a huge lecture at Angel about how he needs to be careful and that it wasn't safe. It drove Angel crazy and they sometimes fought, but not often as he understood Collins still feeling guilty for what happened in the first place. He would still try convincing the professor that it wasn't fault (even though a lot of it was!), and that it was over and they had to move on. Like I said, slowly they were.

As soon as Angel reached the forth landing, he stopped dead in his tracks, almost causing Mimi to crash right into him.

"Ang? Baby, what's wrong?" Mimi asked, moving around him to see him clearer. Angel was visibly nervous and uncomfortable for having caused so much worry with his friends, which was something he never intended to do. "Come on, it's cool, okay? Sweetie you need to rest!"

"I doubt I'm gonna get much of it in _there_," Angel pointed out, holding onto Mimi for dear life. Okay, so I know what you're thinking… Angel would _never_ be afraid of his friends like this, especially of Collins. But you understand how different this was now, when their legitimate concerns were only fueled further by his behavior. Nothing was the same anymore. They simply had to learn to cope as best they could.

"Angel, come on!" Mimi insisted, clutching Angel's sweater and nudging him forward. Angel reluctantly allowed him self to be pulled towards the door, but then stopped again, just outside it when he heard his friends' voices coming from inside. Mimi stopped, too.

"I gotta go back out there! She could be hurt!"

Collins.

"Wait until everyone gets back here, then we'll go again!"

Roger.

"Where's Mimi?"

Mark.

Inside, Collins was pacing around, tearing up inside because he didn't know where Angel was. This wasn't supposed to be happening! How could he let this happen _again_? When he KNEW Angel was still not recovered from what happened before, and he let her go out there by herself? Anything could've happened… no! Collins shook him self out of those thoughts and refused to believe that Angel would be in trouble again. Trust. Regaining trust, that's what Angel wanted him to do… have faith in her abilities to take care of herself now, that's all she wanted.  
Collins moved over to the window and stared out into the snowy world beyond the loft – both Mimi and Angel were the only ones not there, and both were not exactly in the best condition to be out in the freezing weather like that. Maureen approached him and wrapped her arms around his waist, putting her chin on his shoulder and smiled.

"Collins, they're gonna be okay. I know it! Angel's like the snow… she's beautiful and she touches everyone and everything she meets. She needs her space too, like the snow… unlike what _some_ people give me!" she then shot a dirty look at Joanne, who turned away. Maureen had once again been bitching about how Joanne didn't give her enough space or whatever, and blah, blah, blah they had started fighting again, and then two minutes later they had made up – and made _out_ – in the bedroom. And now they were not speaking again. Collins rubbed her hand and smiled at her. Rarely could Maureen get more sensitive than that, so he took it for what it was. He knew he should trust Angel to be okay, but it was the junkies and pimps, and gun dealers on the street he didn't trust. No doubt Angel could fight just as good as anyone else, and give it as good as he took it, but for Collins it wasn't about that. He wanted his lover safe.

"Thanks, Mo," he softly replied, and then broke free of her embrace. He moved closer to his window and stared… he hated being like this. Over protective. Constantly worrying. Not trusting Angel to be and stay safe outside his presence. Trust me, Collins didn't like feeling like this… like he had to be parental and watch over his lover like a hawk. It wasn't fair to either of them, and their friends – Roger in particular – was seeing the harsh, stressful effect it was having on them both. As understanding as one could possibly be, he knew that there was no way he could know what Collins and Angel were experiencing. And it was hard to just have to sit by and watch. Emotionally getting through a traumatic event was hard enough without having to worry about what you have to do to survive everyday – to cheat death for one day longer.

"I just… I wanna protect her…"

Mark shook his head, sadly. They all wanted to protect Angel. "Collins…" he gently spoke up. "There's only so much you can do. You've proven your worth to her… she's forgiven you. You can't protect her forever, you know it's impossible, and besides… Angel's a free spirit. You can't contain a free spirit. You should know that better than any of us."

Angel's heart shattered. If this is what their lives together had come down to, it really sucked to realise just how much his boyfriend was still suffering, still feeling guilty; still feeling like he had something to prove to him. It hurt. Some things can never be healed, and he prayed to God that this wasn't one of them – Collins' self-torture was more than he could bear, and what to do about it was an even more complex question with an ever elusive answer. He looked at Mimi who kept her arm around his waist, for both support and comfort – she knew more than anyone what it was like to have to face difficult choices between her lover and her lifestyle. With Mimi, though, the answer wasn't necessarily the easiest as she knew it, but only the most obvious choice to make and she went through those very difficult times in pain; in agony – and for the most part she still felt guilty every now and then, especially for what Roger had to go through. What she had put him through. So she did, to an extent, understand Angel's dilemma… but naturally this situation was different; predicated not on choices, but on circumstances. Angel couldn't stop the nightmares. He had done everything he could, but still he had no choice in the matter, and Collins had no choice but to go through it with him if they were to stay together. Angel looked up when he felt Mimi shift from beside him, and he turned to her.

"He can't keep doin' this to himself, Mims!" he said with desperation. "Every time I go outside, I can't help but think that I'm hurting him!"

"Angel, Collins has his shit to deal with, and you have yours… deal with it in your own way. There's only so much you can do for each other. Now get your ass in there!"

There weren't a lot of options to consider – either Angel could turn and leave, hurting his boyfriend, his friends, and potentially him self in the process… or he could stay and try to make things right, which was hard enough. Simply enough, he was just late getting home from the store when he met with Jordan again for the first time in years – but it was quickly turning into much more than that. For the first time, Angel could see, through that tiny opening in door, that Collins was still hurting greatly… that the guilt was not to be erased with intensive hardship and self-loathing, no matter how much Angel would try to convince him otherwise, it was just too hard…

**ANGEL'S POINT OF VIEW**

Standing in the hall, in my gorgeous outfit… with my gorgeous friend… listening to my gorgeous boyfriend stress about me being late home, when really he should be enjoying himself and being the amazingly self assured, funny… the Collins I fell in love with. I don't know why I couldn't go in; it was harder than I thought. No amount of makeup could hide my discomfort and Mimi wasn't as naïve anymore as one would believe and she saw it, but whatever. I had to fix things with Collins, I knew. The only crappy part was trying to find the courage to actually do so – the one thing I hate more than anything is to see him disappointed in me. I mean, come on! I've never been so self-conscious with anyone before and never let anyone's opinions of me hurt – I never cared before… but with Collins, he's the reason I'm still alive. Ever since I met him… how can I explain it? I can't. True love you can't explain, I guess. Nothing was the same anymore, and I don't think any of them would think it would be too, but I guess I just held out hope for it all… to go back to being the life I adored two years ago.

I adjusted my skirt and when I looked down, I saw my hands shaking very noticeably – I hadn't noticed before that how nervous I actually was. Great. This bullshit had to end. No matter what I did, Collins still didn't trust me to be okay – or he didn't trust anyone on the street to leave me alone, or whatever it was…

"Angel?"

I looked at Mimi. "What?"

"He won't bite you know… I've never seen you afraid to actually talk to your own boyfriend before."

"What can I say to him? Look at him, Mims!"

"He's getting worse with every second he doesn't know where you are! Get in there!" and before I could react, she had stepped back from me and pushed me in through the door. I crashed through the front door, to the floor just as Mimi followed behind me.

"OWW!" I yelped.

Not looking where she was going, she tripped over my leg and fell down next to me. Enough to catch everyone's attention, to say the least. We looked at each other, with everything silent, and both fully aware that everyone else was staring at us, we burst out laughing. We both rolled over, still laughing hysterically, that was soooo funny!

"MIMI YOU CLUTZ!" I howled, grabbing my sides because it hurt so much. Next to me, Mimi was laughing hysterically on her back, I'm not sure she even heard me. We were best friends and normally she could say or do something that would make me feel better, or we'd do something crazy just for the fun of it and it worked! And hey! At least she got me inside the damn loft. Kudos Mims!

"YOU HAD IT COMING!" she screamed back, rolling over and then pinned my shoulders to the ground. "You're so fucking chicken, Angel!"

Oh no. She so did not just say that! That girl challenges me and thinks she can get away with it? Hadn't she learned ANYTHING in the past three years? Well, evidently not. I rolled my eyes, still laughing, finding it not hard at all to push the considerably lighter Mimi Marquez off me – we hadn't even noticed the others approaching, we were that out of it. And it was funny for some reason, I forget why… but man, this girl is absolutely crazy and I love her! She just knew what to do to make anything seem hilarious – and put her and Maureen AND me together? Three women ready to kick ass? Roger, Collins and Joanne never stood a chance! Collins… Collins? Suddenly I remembered why in fact we were there and I looked up. Mark, Roger, and Joanne were all standing around us both, looking at us with bewilderment, amusement, and confusion… but Collins. I looked past them and saw Collins still at the window, looking hurt. Shit. When was this gonna end? Seriously! I stopped laughing and pushed myself up onto my knees, still watching him while at the same time helping Mimi up as well.

"Hey guys!" she greeted, standing up and then helping me up. She bounced over to Roger and pecked his cheek, oblivious to the sudden tenseness in the air between me and Collins… sometimes Mimi's naivety kinda superseded her. "Look! I found our girl!"

No one responded to her as they were all looking back and forth between me and Collins, and normally I would've reveled in the attention but I dunno… as much as I love my friends, they weren't really important right now. Whatever Collins was feeling, I knew him too well and knew he couldn't keep it locked up inside him for long. I took a deep breath and prepared for the worse, but hoped for the best, so I gave him my most gorgeous smile and skipped over to him, my heart gave a leap as I approached. He never took his eyes off me the whole time – it had to be the outfit, right? I mean, when I was choosing it I want to knock his socks off… and every other bit of clothing too, so I can have my wicked way with him! Ha ha! Oh God he looks so gorgeous standing there… brooding, silently, not moving. I could only imagine what he was thinking – not all good things; I'm sure, but DAMN! I was lusting after him big time, and I gave a playful lick of my lips, teasingly and wow… I was hungry for him so much I wanted to do him right there and then. But alas, self-restraint I must show… but goodness… he looks too hot to be real. Man, if only I could chain him down and… well, gotta keep that between me and him.

"Hey honey!" I jumped into his arms and pressed my lips against his neck, just under his ears, knowing how much I can do to him – he loves it. I pulled back enough so I could look at him properly. He wasn't smiling. He looked sad. Fuck. I kissed him again, this time on his sweet lips.

"Sorry I'm late, you'll _never_ guess who I saw! Remember that guy, Jordan, I told you about? Erica's boyfriend? Oh gosh, sweetie, I ran in to him and I just… oh my God, everything just came back! We talked for hours, I couldn't believe it was him, I mean it's been, like, six years and I—" I was talking very quickly (as I knew how to do very well), but stopped suddenly when Collins' sad expression still had not disappeared, nor had he relaxed. This wasn't going to be easy, I hated Collins worrying about me so much, it was depressing… the nightmares had become more frequent lately, and he was the one who sat there, up with me late at night while I cried and told him of what happened. I guess having him sit there and listen wasn't good for him either, I know that now, considering he still feels guilty over what happened. This wasn't fair! He was scared to lose me as he almost did once… and it was keeping him from me even more.

"Baby, I'm sorry!" I squeaked out. "I'm sorry, I know I made you worry and I shouldn't have! I should've called, I know, but seeing Jordan!—" I stopped again… I couldn't make any excuses now, Collins meant too much to me. "Collins…" he looked away, and I put my hands to his face to force him to look at me.

"Honey, look at me! Are you gonna look at me?" his eyes were still not connected with mine. "Collins, please! I'm sorry! You gotta believe me, I know I made you worry…"

Everyone was silently watching us, but I didn't care – it was just him and me now and that's all I cared about. "Collins, don't do this… look at me!"

Finally his eyes met mine. He was so disappointed, like he really did believe something bad had happened to me, after all I had promised to be home in fifteen minutes and it took me three hours… I'd be pissed off too. If he wanted to make me feel bad, then it was working. His beautiful brown eyes were so sad…

"Talk to me, Tommy," I whispered, getting closer to him so that our bodies were touching, and I linked my fingers with his. "Baby… I love you, you know I would never hurt you on purpose!"

**Collins's P.O.V**

The desperation in Angel's eyes was heart wrenching, and I wanted to melt and give in to her, but I couldn't! She just didn't get what it was about, did she? This wasn't about her being late home, or not even calling me to tell me where she was, or letting me worry… I got so scared that something could've happened to her, and once again it would've been my fault. The thought of her getting hurt again and not being there to protect her… Angel just didn't get it! If you're thinking I'm pissed off? You're right. I hated myself for not going with her… I don't know why this was so hard to get over and to just trust her and ease up a little. And Angel… fuck she looked so gorgeous sitting there. Her smile. Those eyes. I wanted to tell her it was cool, that we should just forget it, but the problem with trying to forget it is this – you can't. I felt my throat constricting as I tried to figure what to do, with Angel staring up at me with that expectant look in her eyes, like she expected to be punished or something. I turned away. It was then that she let out a soft sob… okay, so I was being an asshole. But she never understood what it was like! I was told to forget it, to move on, that it wasn't my fault… all that condescending bullshit that I could see right through, and all of them kept trying to make it seem like everything was alright when it clearly wasn't! But oh God how I wanted her… Angel always seemed to know what to do and say to make someone feel better, but with me it was different – she knew she couldn't get away with everything with me, not anymore. I guess it just comes from me thinking that I don't deserve such a wonderful, beautiful, loving person who almost had so much taken from him, including his life… and yet can still love and hold out hope against all odds? Why would someone like that wanna love me? Whatever the answer was, I had to figure out something because Angel was still expecting an answer. So I turned around again.

"Forget it," I told her, trying to remain as neutral and emotionless as possible. "No big deal." I walked past her and over to the others, who were still silently waiting for someone to change the subject, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with this shit anymore. I left Angel standing at the window and picked up the coat she bought me at Christmas 1989, and walked over to the door which was still open. "I'm heading home guys, I'll seeya tomorrow…" I didn't bother looking at them as I left. What was the point? They'd take Angel's side again and I'd be left to fend them off, defending why I did what I did. But really, I don't even know why I did it. Shit, I needed a drink so badly. Whatever we had back at the apartment would have to suffice, and I hope that Angel would decide to crash here for the night. I slammed the door behind me and almost immediately the coldness of the corridor slammed against me so hard it knocked the wind out of me. Sometimes I hate this time of year… Angel loved it. But me? I could care less. I hadn't gotten more than five or six steps down the stairs when I heard the door open again – I kept walking.

"COLLINS!"

"What!" I turned around. Angel was standing at the top of the stairs, tears already staining her once perfectly applied make-up. For the past year, everything had been going fine… it was difficult, but it was getting better and for some reason I couldn't let go. Every night when I went to sleep, an image of Angel would flash through my head, and then it would take me another hour before I could sleep. Angel wasn't fragile, that I know, okay? But tonight when she didn't show up… I thought my own nightmare had come to fruition. Angel came closer, holding onto the railing with one hand, and the other was still at her side. I didn't move. I couldn't. Angel's aura was one of beauty and love, she drew me into her world – and she didn't even have to try or know she was doing! Standing there on the steps, it was cold and very dimly lit, but even now Angel was lighting it up and warming me with her presence.

Staring at me, she smiled a little – as much as I love her, she can be, well… crazy, at times. But I do love her.

"Collins…" she whispered, putting her hands on my chest, and instinctively a reached up and covered them. "You're not running away from me, okay? I said sorry, what more do you want?"

"Angel—"

"Okay, okay… come on," her smile grew wider and stuck her tongue out at me. "Can't we just forget it, okay? Don't be mad, baby… I spent two hours getting ready today so you can take me home and take advantage of me, and damn it I _know_ it's not for nothing! And you…" she seductively leaned closer towards me so that she kissed my nose. "Are too damn hot to be going home alone... I need someone to keep me warm tonight, you know?"

Typical Angel. I sighed.

"Angel, you should've—"

"Called, I know. Point taken, I won't do it again!" she then became more serious as she said, "Sweetie, you have to forgive yourself… forgive yourself… okay? I don't want my baby so sad anymore, get it?" Oh, so now she was setting terms now? Angel kissed me and pressed her gorgeous, soft lips against mine, and a small muffled moan caught the back of her throat. If she thinks she's gonna get away with—

"Please?" she pulled back enough to pout.

I rolled my eyes. "You're so fucking evil sometimes, you know that?"

"Always!"

**THIRD PERSON P.O.V**

Pressing Angel against the mattress, it didn't take Collins long to take control once more in a heated passion that they so often experienced. Angel managed to weasel his way out of trouble _again_ as Collins succumbed to the obvious power of his lover. They had gone back to their apartment and no sooner as Angel had shut the door behind them, he had already pounced on the professor who was no more than two steps ahead of him. Hey, when they were in the mood, they were _really_ in the mood. Within twenty seconds they had stripped each other of most of their clothes and were barely in the bedroom, without a care in the world except each other. What was the excuse they gave their friends for not staying to share in the food, despite Collins having paid for most of it? Collins mentioned something about papers to grade and Angel made up a pathetic excuse of not feeling well or whatever… and of course, none of the others bought it. Forgiving Angel was easy for Collins. He couldn't stay mad at his beautiful girl for very long, at any time – and everything that had gone down between them was now far from their minds. Collins kissed across Angel's collar bone and his tongue slid across his chest with a renewed desire to explore the so familiar, but each time with the same, if not more enthusiasm. Nothing like make-up sex, I guess lol.

Angel arched his back from the tingling sensation left by each other the kisses and Collins smirked, knowing full well the power he wielded right now. Angel could manipulate him all he wanted to out of bed, but _in_ the bed? Collins was the master of seduction and could do whatever he wanted to him… Angel didn't mind, naturally. Either way, everything was okay between them now, and that's the way they both intended it to stay.

**LATER THAT NIGHT…**

_Falling against the wall, Angel felt the hot sticky red liquid drip down his face, but couldn't see anything as his assailant's fist connected with his stomach. Blinded by tears and blood, the darkness was the evil in itself and his senses could not have been more impaired… the dizziness and nausea threatened to keep him there, but the panic and fear of what was to come encouraged him to move. Angel struggled to his feet, coughing and spluttering blood… he looked down to see his white dress now stained red. Everything was pitch back, he couldn't even see the ground beneath him. It wasn't gonna end… it was never gonna end! Angel screamed, but nothing could be heard; he couldn't even hear his own voice… was he blind? Deaf? Dead? Fear gave way to panic; panic gave way again to fear… a vicious cycle taking its toll…_

_He wanted to run, and tried to lift one leg to put in front of the other, but he couldn't move! His legs were like cement! Laughing… there was laughing in the distance steadily coming closer; what was going on? Behind him was a wall… bleeding the colour red…_

"_Angel?"_

_Sam's voice was not in a mocking tone, but there was amusement that played behind it so well, but Angel could hear it. _

"Stop…" he whimpered. "Stop… where's Collins? Collins?"

_The laughing stopped and a figure appeared, dressed in a deep crimson red suit walking towards him casually, but with a stride that suggest purpose. It didn't take a genius, or even someone of total clarity to see who it was, and Angel cried in desperation, wanting to run away from Sam; to not see his face, but the wall stretched for miles either side of him and stood many miles high, no escape in sight was there for him. A forced confrontation was inevitable, but in the injured state Angel was in, the blood was flowing faster than a river. But not once did Angel feel lightheaded, in fact he was feeling entirely awake – a strange feeling given the blood loss. Sam was dressed in the colour of the liquid of life – red. His skin was pale, and expression being that of solemn… like a state of mourning or some sort of grieving… a stoned expression. Angel gripped his sides, almost doubling over in pain and the agony in his bloodshot eyes pierced the empty gaze of Sam… he wasn't mocking; he wasn't sad; he wasn't taunting Angel in any way… he didn't display any sort of satisfaction at this brutal punishment._

"_Sam…" Angel growled but then slid down against the wall, coughing violently and the metallic, salty taste of blood in his mouth had a consuming effect. Double vision distorted perspective and a weight applied to his chest kept Angel pinned down. "Sam…"  
_

_To understand what Sam was doing was equivalent to attempting to understand the meaning of life – it just couldn't be done. Here, Sam was stripped of every aspect that connected him to humanity; what stood before Angel was not a human, but a recognition… there was no humanity in Sam… the capacity for good, for love, and yes, for evil, were no longer attached to his physical being… Sam was an empty shell standing there, with no ability to talk, smile, or do anything that could connect him to humanity. Outside his physical self, though, he existed… from every corner; from every angle, he was surrounding Angel…_

_Angel started struggling, kicking and opened his mouth to scream but nothing happened again – no sound. Like someone had pushed the mute button on a remote control. He felt something, like a hand, clamp over his mouth, but Sam was still standing about ten or fifteen feet away._

"_Angel…" a whispered voice, he recognized as belonging to his attacker. "Angel…"_

"NO!" Angel screamed and bolted straight up in bed, panting. He checked the small clock at the side of the bed, which read 5:46 AM. With the back of his hand, he felt his face to find it was damp with tears and sweat… it was so vivid… people a lot of the time wake up not remembering too much of their dreams, but every part of it was so clear in Angel's head. It was so real, the fantastical element of it so mysterious… and Sam… his body was there, but it was entirely disconnected from his soul…

Next to him, Collins groaned sleepily and opened his eyes… after a few seconds of waiting for his eyes to adjust and to tune into what was happening he sat up when he saw Angel in a semi-hysterical state, clutching his chest and whimpering incoherent, jumped words.

"Angel?" he reached over and touched his lover's arm. Angel screamed and jumped away, startled…

_CRASH_

"OWW!"

And he fell off the bed. Collins jumped up onto his knees on the bed and quickly scooted over Angel's side – the wild look and hysteria and shock only confirmed one fear… another nightmare.

"Angel, baby!"

"Collins!" Angel sobbed and held his arms out, to which was enough to entice his stronger lover to his side, and they held each other there. The young drummer cried into his boyfriend's chest, and Collins felt the warm tears on his skin – Angel's fear on his skin.

"Collins, it happened again!"

"Whoa, whoa… calm down," Collins pulled away just enough, kneeling over Angel.

"It was so strange, it was totally black, except for a wall that was BLEEDING!"

"Bleeding?"

"And Sam was there! Well, I think he was… he was there, but he wasn't… you know what I mean?"

Collins didn't, but he gave a quick nod anyway – Angel's dreams were becoming more cryptic and terrifying for some reason, but there would be times that, for months on end, there would be no nightmares. No dreams that brought the past back. They only tended to come after something happened, or if something was changing or happening around them… whenever they fought, mostly, was when the nightmares were most clear and prominent, kinda connected to the state of their relationship. Angel held onto Collins, his arms around his neck, for dear life…

"Tom?"

"Its okay, Ang… it wasn't real… only a dream, remember?"

Angel nodded. _Doesn't make it any less real…_

Could dreams be real? It didn't matter, whatever you think – because the effects on Angel were real enough to scare him for along time. Ever since the events of last year they had been occurring, and although they scared him, he was generally a happy person again… life. There was so much life in Angel again that it made things all the more strange and difficult to understand. Angel breathed deeply.

"I wanna go for a walk…"

**35 MINUTES LATER**

Collins had insisted on joining him, and in all honesty, Angel wanted the company… walking down the street hand-in-hand with the man he loved was just what he needed, and already the nightmare sequence was slipping from their mind. The clouds were still hanging around and it was cold, and the snow that had fallen while they slept covered everything it could touch. Angel smiled at a small bird hoping around in the snow on the sidewalk, and wanted to join it for the most part – snow was a picture of innocence, and peace. What if he was to sit in it for awhile… would that innocence and peace cleanse the inner demons Angel could not be parted from? Even though he had just awoken from a terrifying dream, Angel could not let him self leave the apartment _looking _like a nightmare, and at his insistence Collins had to wait (and he did, impatiently as usual, amused at Angel's antics), while he beautified him self for the world.

"_Sweetie, I don't care whether you have make-up on! You look beautiful without it, too! Seriously, stop painting yourself up at let's go!"_ Collins had complained. Angel gasped and stormed over to him and lightly tapped his cheek.

"_No blasphemy in this house!"_ he scolded. Angel was a firm believer in looking your utmost best whenever you left the house, even if it was just to go for to the store, or go for a walk, and when he was with his lover he wanted to look as damn good as possible. And right now? He was working it like an expert. When he left the bathroom, Collins' jaw almost hit the floor as his stunningly beautiful lover stepped out, wearing a long-sleeved dress that came to just about his knees, and hugged his slender body. Underneath, he wore white tights and light pink ankle boots, and light pink gloves, and a shoulder-length blonde wig. Collins wasn't surprised at how it didn't take Angel long to get ready, considering the Latino street musician was an expert at fashion and applying make up.

Collins let go of Angel's hand and slipped his arm around his back, placing his hand on his hip. The touch of his fingers, even through the layers of clothing, gave Angel warmth, compensating for the cold environment. It was 6:27AM, and the sun was just starting to peek through the trees, not to be hidden even by the looming clouds that were ominously threatening for rain and snow. _It doesn't make sense… it doesn't make a difference,_ Angel thought and put both arms around Collins' waist and nuzzled his neck. The anarchist responded with a light kiss to his forehead.

"Feeling better, Ang?"

"Hmm... a little…"

"Wanna go home?"

"No… I dunno… I just wanna be with you…"

"Honey, you'll be with me at home," Collins chucked and kissed his temple and squeezed his side. "I do gotta get ready for work though, you know?"

Angel groaned. "Can't you take a half day or something? For me?" he tried to win him over with a beautiful smile and battering of the eyelashes. Collins laughed him off, not at all seriously, and shook his head – this time he could not afford to cave. He needed to work.

"I'm sorry, my love, I'd love to stay but you know I can't."

"PLEEEEEEEEASE?" Angel begged, jumping in front of him, and they came to a stop just outside of a small deli, and he put his arms around Collins' waist and kissed his neck. "Not even a little late?" he breathed between kisses. "I can make it worth your while, you know I can… you and me at home… keep warm…"

"Sounds awesome, but sorry, babe. When I get home you canget me hotterthan fire."

Pouting, Angel sulked but resigned him self to the fact that Collins did have to work to bring in a pay check, and allowed the professor to take both his hands and kiss them. Resuming their walk, it was a peaceful time… one of the few, rare peaceful moments on the streets of New York, where people were just beginning to stir for the new day ahead, while sleep was losing its hold over the east coast citizens. However there was also an unspoken eeriness survived by the remaining minutes of night time, which was being broken through by the rays of sunlight piercing the tree branches and illuminating awakening life.

As they passed a nearby alley, something again caught Angel's eyes, and he stopped again – it was just like the night before, that shadow out of the corner of his eye. Collins felt a tug on his arm, and looked back to see Angel had stopped moving and was staring into a narrow alley about seven or eight feet away.

"Ang? You okay, girl?"

He didn't respond, initially, not even fully hearing Collins, who came up behind him and put his hands on Angel's waist.

"Angel?"

"Shh…" Angel forcefully, concentrating on what he had just seen. _Shit, you're losing it_, his conscience taunted, yet he refused to listen. "Did you see that?"

"See what?"

"I'll take that as a no," Angel retorted and jogged off to the entrance of the alley and peered down it to get a better look.

"ANGEL!" Collins called and started after him, wishing that at this moment he could rein Angel in. We all know Angel's propensity for being a little spontaneous and not exactly thinking things through at times – this was one of them. Just before the now fully awake drag queen entered the alleyway, he stopped and Collins barely stopped himself crashing into him. Angel had to stop doing that.

"Angel? What is it?" the first thought that came to his head was that Angel was scared of going into alleys after what Sam did to him. "Love?"

"I thought I saw…" Angel trailed off, doubting what he saw. _You've been fucked up lately, you're seeing things…_

"Angel, you wanna talk about it?" Collins offered, thinking it was something to do with the dream… Angel was doing much better now, and could never hide what he was really feeling. Even if he could, Collins could always see through the act, so he knew Angel was genuinely doing okay, but didn't want to risk anything destablising him further. Angel wasn't of fragile mind, but it wasn't worth the risk anyway. Collins wanted to know more about the nightmare, and Angel would tell him in due course. "Angel?"

"I… I…" the drag queen stammered with confusion. It couldn't be a coincidence that it was the same person down there, so maybe it was some rats moving about, or a junkie shooting up… something was rattling down there. Collins instinctively moved around Angel to stand just in front of him, keeping his arm around his lover, and as Angel tried to move past him – Collins, being the stronger and more dominant one, prevented him. This was unsettling, almost downright unnerving – there was no way in hell that while he's around he'd let Angel be exposed to this. He turned around and put his hands on his arms.

"It's nothing, Ang. Probably just rats or whatever, what's up? What's going? Is it that dream?"

Angel remained silent… telling him could be a mistake, but over the past year Collins had been demanding him to trust him, and to be completely open, just as Angel did with him. The concern in his eyes spoke more of wanting to be kept out – Angel sometimes chose to tell him of the dreams and other times, more horrific times, he chose to simply omit a few of the very bad details. Now, he saw nothing but a need for complete candidness – and he owed it to Collins to be honest.

"Something happened last night, it's not big deal!" he added the last part when he saw Collins' hardening expression.

"What?"

"When I realized how late I was, I took the back streets—"

"Angel!"

"For a short cut! Anyway, I needed to catch my breath, so I did… further down the street I heart something, rattling, just like now… I got the feeling someone was watching me."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd freak, honey!"

"You're damn right I'd—"

"Look," Angel wanted to diffuse this before an argument broke out, but couldn't deny that Collins looked so adorable when he was pissed off. _Focus, Angel, focus!_ "Whatever it was, it ran off and so did I… I came straight home,_ dad_, I swear!"

"Angel, as much as I love you, I'm really tired, gotta get ready for work, and am not in the mood for your delightful wit," Collins said, a little more harshly than he intended, and Angel took a couple steps back, pushing him away.

"You didn't have to come with, you know." Uh-oh. Temperamental drag queen moment.

"Ang, that's not what I mean," Collins instantly wanted to take back his harshness, but he couldn't deny he was tired and not looking forward to work that day, and had snapped at Angel unintentionally. "I'm sorry, I— you're the most important thing in the world to me, and I'd do anything for you, you know that! And I love spending every moment I can with you… I'm sorry…"

"Forget it," Angel shook his head, also not feeling like fighting. Not with Collins… he couldn't stand fighting with him and took every opportunity (not that there were many that were needed to be taken) to prevent it from happening. He smiled and coaxed him forward with his index finger, and when Collins got close enough, Angel reached out and grabbed his coat, pulling him close again. "I know, I know… you're stressin' baby, I guess we're both a little jumpy today."

Collins didn't hesitate in making it up to him, by lightly pressing Angel against the wall, just inside the alley, and kissing him. It was one of those spontaneous, on-fire, I-don't-give-a-damn-that-we're-in-public-I'll-do-you-right-here-and-now, kinda things – it's pretty well documented that they aren't afraid of public displays of affection, for the most part as when they were together, celebrating and even consummating their love, there was no reality. Just each other.

"I want you," Collins breathed when breaking off the kiss to get some air. "To tell me everything, sweetheart… never leave anything out, okay? Give me that, okay?"

"I promise," Angel solemnly agreed. And he meant it, of course. "And I'm sorry… it's just, I knew you'd be pissed when I was late, so I wasn't gonna lay this on you as well, you know? I mean, come on! Even I know that'd be insane!" he loved it when he could bring a smile to his boyfriend's face, and as Collins held him there, both almost forgot about the reason why they were there until suddenly…

_**CRASH!**_

Collins wrapped his arms protectively around his Angel, not knowing what or _who_ was down there and what they were doing, and Angel certainly wanted to be protected – his ability to fight was not stronger than his fear of being hurt, or of Collins being hurt again. The rattling of old bottles and tin cans; a cat meowing in the distance. The idea that someone had in fact been watching Angel didn't seem so far off target now; you couldn't put it past anyone in this area, and Collins stepped forward and if there _was_ a threat there, he'd be sure to put him self between whoever it was and Angel.

"Collins?" a soft whimper from behind him, and he glanced back as Angel gripped his hand.

"Shh," he instructed and stepped forward. "Angel, go back there…"

"No, I'm staying with you!"

"Angel—"

"No! I wanna stay with you."

Collins wasn't prepared to argue, and silently agreed that he'd prefer Angel to stay close by him, though they couldn't let this drop. Curiosity, maybe. They paced themselves and Angel was now gripping his arm and hanging on for dear life. The alley wasn't as long or as creepy as some of the others closer to the loft, and the presence of daylight breaking through the darkness was something they were thankful for.

Minutes later they came across the site where the commotion was at, although now all was quiet and still. Garbage, broken glass, and an old bicycle tire were scattered across the ground and it was obvious that someone had been there just seconds earlier. Angel let go of Collins just briefly, but the older man had no intention of letting him out of his sight and drew Angel closer to him still, by his waist. Whoever it was that caught their attention couldn't have possibly gotten that far within ten seconds, could they? Collins knelt down and inspected the area with his notorious eye for detail, while Angel stood at his side nervously looking around.

"Angel, look…" Collins picked up something from just under a garbage bag and lifted it up.

"A scarf?" Angel snatched it from his hands and looked at it. It was dirty and much worn, but it was obvious that it was hand-knitted for a child. A white and pink scarf. "This is a little kid's scarf," he pointed out and stared out into the street not just across from them, the only direction the person could've run.

"A child?" Collins stood up. "Are you serious?"

"Well I'm no detective baby, but I had one just like this when I was little. Of course when I told momma that I wanted a yellow and whiteone instead of blue, my dad started freaking out," he giggled at the memory, and it was funny to remember seeing the look on his father's face – his ten year old son wanting what was considered a more 'girly' colour. Having not seen or spoken to his father in years, the memories weren't really that painful.

"What would a child be doing out here?"

"Could be homeless…"

Sadly, Collins took the scarf from Angel's hands and stared at it, shaking his head… a homeless child wandering the streets during winter? It was then that a small cry was heard from nearby, and Angel took off in the direction it came from before Collins got a chance to react.

"ANGEL!"

"Do you hear it, Collins?" Angel called back, jumping over a broken chair that someone had discarded, and crossed a back lot where more old furniture and other things had been dumped behind several buildings. Angel being reckless – now what part of that is actually surprising? He looked around frantically for the source of the noise, and there were many hiding places around here for someone to creep through. All previous fear and concerns were non existent anymore.

"Angel, get back here!" he could hear Collins in the background, but ignored him and continued searching. No more fear.

With Collins, he tried as best he could to keep up and follow Angel's path, but didn't have the agility she did, and was struggling to keep close to him. Why he had let Angel come with him he didn't know, and now it was a bad idea... the prospect of either a lost child or some sick, twisted individual waiting to go after Angel and/or him were both clear and reasonable possibilities, in his mind at least.

"ANGEL!"

"Collins, over here!"

Turning a corner, he almost tripped over a lead pipe that was leaning against another building but regained control. Just ahead of him, Angel had stopped and was staring down at something that caught his attention, and as Collins came up next to him, at first he didn't notice what was going on.

"Angel, what the fuck are you doing? We gotta go-" when he saw Angel's attention diverted and was not listening to him, Collins stopped and looked that way too, and nearly fell over himself. There, cowering under a metal sheet, was a little girl who was staring up at them and crying softly.

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ I am sorry for the long chapter, and I do apologise if this chapter is not entirely good it's just I was half dead while writing it. I promise I will fix it up tomorrow, but the idea's there… and everything will be explained in the coming chapters, don't worry. Anyway, I hope you like it so far. In the next chapter we get to know this child and Angel and Collins take her back to the loft. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.**


	3. Little Girl Lost

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 3: Little Girl Lost**

**_SUMMARY:_ From where we left off at the last chapter, Angel and Collins come across an unanticipated meeting with a little girl. Neither of them knew at that point just how much she would come to affect their lives – through her short life she experienced much. A decision is made.**

_NEW CHARACTER:_

**_Mercy Lila Edwards – 5 years old, deep red hair, emerald green eyes. Pale skin, petite._**

**NOTE: I've decided that after this chapter I MIGHT stop for a while. It hasn't been turning out as well as I had in mind and so I've decided to stop. Whether it be a permanent stop or not, I have no idea but I think it's best for me as a writer, before I burn out – and I don't wanna do that so close to the new semester starting. **

* * *

The child was shivering and coughing violently, though with her outstretched legs she was kicking the dirt and pressing herself against the wall, in a vain attempt to disappear from sight of these two huge people, or to at least get away from them. She whimpered and seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere – she had no sort of escape – she burst into tears and hide her face in her arms, drawing her legs to her chest and tried to make her self as small as possible. Whoever they were, she wanted them to leave her alone! Whatever they wanted, they weren't gonna find it with her! Collins and Angel were stunned at this discovery, and their worst fears were confirmed when they looked closer at the child – she was dirty, her hair was very tangled and messy, and wearing totally inappropriate clothes for that times of year (a knee-length skirt and a thin sweater, and no shoes or jacket or gloves), and she was also visibly ill. Her eyes were big, sunken, and withdrawn, her lips were dry despite the moisture in the air, and her skin was so pale it would be considered unnatural for a healthy person to be so white, without some sort of illness following suit quickly. And the deep red colour of her hair, though it had yet to fade, contrasted her skin tone so much it was almost frightening. Angel couldn't help but clasp his hands over his mouth; gasping when he saw the dark brownish spots on her sweater… it could be blood. Or dirt. Either way, it wasn't good for this little girl, and both were still getting over the initial shock of seeing her. She leaned against an old, broken chair, reaching up only a little to hold onto one of the legs of it – Angel's first thought was that she'd get splinters if she wasn't careful. Yet neither of them could bring themselves to speak, at first, or do anything – the only sound that could be heard, other than passing cars in the distance, was the little girl's muffled cries as she hid her head, her mouth muffled by her arm.

"My God…" Collins uttered, keeping his hand on Angel's back to keep him close. The child still did not look up, and thought that if she just stayed as small as possibly and didn't look at them, and then maybe they'd go away. A little girl, after all… it was a reasonable thought for her. The two lovers were at a loss for what to do, and Angel shook himself back to reality and quickly gazed around at the environment in which this child seemed perfectly content to hiding within… the quintessential wasteland of New York City; where the garbage, and indeed people deemed unworthy were tossed away without a care in the world – without love and where survival was the purpose of every breath that was taken and every word spoken, and every ounce of energy and strength a person could muster was directed towards just that one purpose. Surviving. Living. Staying connected to the world and to ones mortality, which became so much more real in this place, had to be the very centre of one's existence, with no other materialistic or even intangible element taking focus. To put all that on a child who looked to be no older than five or six… the evil harshness of society never seemed so real – to reject and forget a child was to lose another measure of humanity. Angel would probably be more ready to admit this than Collins, or any of their friends, because he was the one who had really seen beyond his own existence; his own life – while the others were more concerned with just taking care of themselves and each other, Angel loved reaching out to other people, and understanding those who especially weren't like him. No matter where they're from or who they are, he was so fascinated with the world; it was amusing for Collins to see Angel dancing around so carefree, which was his nature… but everyone did understand why things were the way they were on these streets. But a child? A child could barely understand the concepts of right and wrong, let alone what it would take to survive in a place like this.

Angel looked to Collins for guidance, but it was pointless. He was just as confused. So Angel did the first thing that he could think of, and took one step forward, but then quickly paused mid-step when, upon hearing his approach, the little girl with dark red hair and very pale skin, let out a short yelp and pushed harder against the wall. She then covered her head totally with her arms, and Angel knelt down. Collins put his hand on his shoulder to keep him back just a little – scaring the girl further would not do any of them any good. With caution, Angel struggled with the decision as to whether or not to reach out to her. The terror the child was feeling was evident in each sob and tremble.

"Hi," Angel started, gently, his angelic voice reaching her ears. But she still didn't look up nor relaxed. "Sweetie, its okay… we're not gonna hurt you…"

Collins stood back just a bit more to let Angel work his magic – Angel could reach anyone; he knew how to. Still, this situation was not comfortable for any of them and was tenuous at best. The little girl continued crying and was scared to death, so Angel bit his lip and reached out just a little bit, though stopped short of touching her shoulder…

"My name's Angel, this is Collins… we're here to help you, honey… what's your name?"

Of course the girl wasn't gonna reply; she was terrified! But Angel held out hope that he could bring her round… and he was sure he could, not in an egotistical way but because he connected with people more easily. Collins looked back and forth between Angel and the girl, wanting to see any interaction go down, but the little girl refused to ease up at all, which was no surprise.

"Angel, back off a little," he whispered, out of earshot of the kid. Angel nodded, and shuffled back only a few inches. This child was in a prime position to hurt her self and he didn't feel comfortable moving too far away from her, though she did need a little space. At a whim, Angel reached up and removed his wig, so she could see him better… no pretenses in a situation like this was needed. Dealing with adults was difficult enough, but how do you handle a hysterical, terrified child? She's probably seen more in her short life now than she should have to in her entire life, and her behavior and physical condition was certainly a testament to that. Well, they were involved now and no matter what they chose to do, they couldn't leave her here.

"Collins, get down," Angel also advised, and Collins nodded and then followed the advice, knowing what he meant. It probably wasn't helping that she was cowering in the corner with two tall strangers towering over her in a very imposing; very dominant, and thus very scary way. Collins knelt down by Angel's side, though remained quite… Angel would be the only one out of them two to actually get the girl to open up enough, so quietly he simply inspected her from head to toe as best he could, hoping there wasn't any injury they missed, but so far so good – she didn't appear to be hurt or needing medical care in immediacy. Wow. What a screwed up situation this is turning out to be. The thing with children, obviously, is that while they are very perceptive and can understand things most adults would assume they couldn't, when they get scared they clam up and to open them up, especially to a stranger, was a near impossible thing to do. Unless you were Angel, of course.

Angel's expression turned softer from being worried and cocked his head to the side. If he could establish some sort of rapport with the girl, by making eye contact, then maybe that would be the first step. But no way could they leave her now.

"Hey, honey…" he tried again, smiling just a little. "I promise, we won't hurt you… are you okay?"

The girl sniffed but remained reclusive, though the sound of Angel's voice on the cool breeze was surprisingly soothing. All her young life she had been through so much that things were so confused and muddled in her brain – she couldn't trust anyone! And now these… these… whatever they are, they had her cornered with no where to go. So what was any child in that situation to do? Cry. And make their self as small and as distant as possible. Angel looked back for reassurance, from Collins who nodded in a gesture meaning to say 'keep going'. If Angel couldn't bring her out, no one could. And that was a fair assessment to make… and knowing Angel the way Collins did, he knew the drag queen would probably wanna adopt her or something.

"What are you doin' out here, sweetheart?" Angel continued gently. Patience was needed. "It's okay… its okay, I promise…"

Despite her dirty and very downtrodden appearance and the darkness that was radiating from her soul, there was a unique and even dazzling beauty to this child that captivated Angel to the point where he couldn't take his eyes off her. Her deep red hair deeply and darkly contrasted her pale, almost pure white skin. Like a porcelain doll, almost. This girl, though, was definitely not a doll… it wasn't easy for her to hide her reality from people, not that too many people noticed her. Why, Angel couldn't understand… the beauty of this little girl was so awe-inspiring. And her eyes… for a brief moment he had got a look into her eyes – green. And they sparkled for an even briefer moment when she saw him… like for one millisecond she had a glimmer of hope, but was immediately replaced with fear of the unknown, the fear of being hurt again, and the reality that was her world. And Angel saw the encapsulated horror and innocence that had brought to much pain to this child's life, and in that moment… a sudden desire to protect her was so hard to resist. What torments could've forced a child this young; this precious to live a life that no adult would be able to contend with, it was the reason why society itself was a failure and why people like Angel, Collins and all of them… were left to pick up the pieces of shattered humanity.

Angel thought his heart could not be shattered any further, but he was wrong – he found himself biting his bottom lip which had been quivering uncontrollable in a feeble attempt to keep his tears back. No more tears needed to be shed here; the child was doing enough crying for all three of them. It became clear that they wouldn't reach her with comforting words or softness… it didn't take a brain surgeon to know just how deeply she had been betrayed by adults in her life, and the distrust was so high. Sitting back on his knees, Angel sighed and stared around at the dirty alley. Everything to suggest depression and even death, yet in the midst of it was this tiny light – it was dimming, but the glow was still there, providing the only light in the darkness and her presence here was the only life in an otherwise dead place. What horrible thing could have possibly happened to her to force her into this pitiful existence?

Collins watched Angel idly tugging at the fingertips of his left glove, slowly pulling it from his hand and twirling it around a bit. He was thinking. Meanwhile, his index finger was absently tracing a small circle in the dirt, though no other part of him moved… like it had a life of its own. Often enough when Angel was lost to his own will, his mind and body disconnected, which only added to the wonder and wildness that was his character. Another beautiful trait of a beautiful person, but for once he didn't know how to help another person. What happened? Had, over the past year, he lost that part of him which connected with other human beings?

But while silence consumed them all, the little girl's nerves slowly started releasing the constriction on her that kept her from looking up. The tension in her muscles were beginning to hurt badly and she couldn't hold the restraint any longer – pushing her self against the wall to escape the tall, imposing strangers was proving to be a futile effort, for the wall was no falling away to allow her an exit, and the two people didn't seem to be moving away or getting any smaller. If anything, the only thing getting smaller was the space between her and them, and it terrified her beyond comprehension. Her terror was released in the form of a weak, yet deep sob and realizing that she could not become invisible or escape in any way, she lifted her head only slightly. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a finger making circular motions in the dirt, tracing out its path as it went. Her movements, though of great courage and fear for the child, went by unnoticed by her adult counterparts, both of whom remained as silent as the still air but as ominously present as the concept of fear and danger it's self. Angel and Collins had yet to pick up on her weakening resistance to their presence – Angel was trying to think of the next move, having never had to meet a child on this level; in these circumstances. Meanwhile Collins was focused on just not making any movements that would cause anymore harm to the little girl. But it was not until he noticed a more noticeable movement that he saw her relax a little, and he felt his heart stop beating entirely. The child had only lifted her head just enough for her eyes to be seen, and he was taken a back by the pure beauty of depth of the emerald gems gleaming up at him. And he couldn't bring himself to speak. Angel had yet to notice. Collins watched as the girl's focus quickly enough changed from him, down to the spot on the ground where Angel's finger was drawing a circle in the dirt. Far be it certain that Angel was too delicate to get his hands dirty, and this was literal proof enough that even he was not afraid to get down to any level when he felt he needed to… especially to the level of a child's innocent soul being corrupted by the heartless dictators who divided the social world further. Collins managed to swallow the lump in his throat long enough to utter just two words…

"Angel… look!"

"Hmm?"

Angel broke free of the intense grip he had on his mind to shake free back to what was happening around him; simultaneously did his finger stop tracing the circle. It didn't take him long to come across what had made Collins' heart stop in his chest, and looked down to see the little girl cautiously reaching out to the spot where the circle had been drawn. They both watched with acute fascination at what was happening. Whatever this child was feeling, it had to be overwhelming to the point where she couldn't understand what was right and wrong, and who she could trust and whom she should fear. They watched her place her tiny index finger on the same place Angel had, and then slowly she started to move her finger around the traced circle, making the same motion Angel had only moments earlier. Her pale hand was shivering, and it took so much for Angel to reach out and take her into his arms; to warm her… maybe his already very open maternal instinct was getting the better of him, or that there was something about this one child… or maybe both, but Angel's desire for this child was obvious. In the minutes that had passed since he had first seen her, there was already that intense desire to protect her. The girl continued to trace the circle Angel had drawn, staring at her own effort with total focus, like she was purposefully being precise and careful. It was a sweet, innocent thing to see – something not common in these parts of New York City… but then again, it wasn't all too common to see a young child like this, crawling the streets in the freezing cold, all by herself. Angel then reached out again, this time touching the girl's arm so gently that he could barely feel her cold skin under his finger tips, but she quickly then recoiled just a little bit.

"It's okay, baby," the warmth of Angel's smile caused her to shiver a bit, not used to the seemingly caring gesture. "I'm Angel… what's your name?"

Nothing. Fuck. Apparently she was not going to talk. But to his surprise, she lifted her head just a little bit more and looked between them both, as if she was making a silent determination of trust. There was a lot to be said for the both of them… the one kneeling closes to him wearing the really, really nice clothes had a warm smile, and comforting glow… something about her was comforting to the little girl; like she wanted to give the lady a hug. Well, even the girl could see that the lady was actually a man dressed up as a lady, but who cares? She wanted to give him… her… whatever; she wanted to give him a hug. And a kiss. And let him take care of her. Those were the kinds of vibes she was getting from the very pretty person kneeling next to her. And the other guy, the black guy in the leather coat, the girl felt like he… like he was a protector. Like he would make sure she was safe, and wouldn't hurt her. The instinct the child was getting from both of them was that maybe they wouldn't hurt her. She looked down at Angel's outstretched hand, which was resting lightly on her forearm, and then back up at them both… they were waiting for her to make the next move. She coughed.

"Mercy." She whispered, trembling. "I'm Mercy."

Angel's smile grew and his heart leapt in his chest, stunned though happy that this girl let down the first barrier. In the least, they'd have to take her to the hospital, and call the police… but he didn't wanna do that. For some reason, he knew those actions would only further antagonize her and hurt her further… she'd shut the world out even more. Well whatever they did, they'd figure that out later. For now they had to focus on gaining Mercy's trust just enough so she wouldn't freak out, which she looked to be on the verge of doing. Angel glanced at Collins who smiled slightly back, and turned back to her.

"Mercy… that's a really pretty name," the drag queen told her, holding out his other hand to her, in an offering gesture. "I had a puppy named Mercy once. She was real pretty." He then reached into his purse and felt around for something, meanwhile not looking away from her. There was something about those stunning eyes… and the way she stared up at him. A little girl lost, with barely a glimmer of hope to keep her holding onto humanity and life itself. When Angel felt what he was looking for in his fingers, he prayed this would work… he could see so much hurt in her eyes it scared even him. Collins held back just a little bit and was amazed to see how much Mercy was responding to Angel, though wasn't surprised at Angel's ability to make her feel safe. That was his gift to the world, and right now he was giving this gift to Mercy. "Hey!" he enthusiastically sat up straight. "D'you know what 'mercy' means?"

Mercy shook her head, so Angel pulled his hand out of the purse, holding something that maybe would help her… maybe give her back some hope.

"It means this…" he extended his hand and opened his hand. Mercy leaned in closer to see what he was holding, and even Collins couldn't resist a look. And there, sitting neatly in the palm of Angel's hand was a small gold cross on a simple gold chain. Careful not to spook her, he then took hold of her wrist and pulled her arm out so he could hold her hand, and she didn't put up a fight. Curiosity had replaced fear. He opened uncurled her fingers so to expose the underside of the hand and lightly dropped the cross into it and then closed her fingers around it. Mercy willing took it and played with it. It was really pretty, like the lady. "It means compassion… and that means love and all stuff really pretty and nice. See? It's very pretty, isn't it?"

Collins chuckled and shook his head. This was his Angel working her best, alright… and she was doing a fantastic job in getting Mercy to relax. Mercy nodded, staring at it, and then looked up and smiled. "It's very pretty," she agreed. "And shiny."

"Yeah… shiny. Pretty. And you're very pretty."

"Thank you."

Angel sat back and watched her inspect the cross with fascination, and she was studying it. With even more caution, he shuffled forward so that he was sitting next to her, and again she didn't make a move or get scared… things were going okay. "How old are you, honey?"

She tore her attention away from the cross, and held up her hand, spreading out all four fingers and her thumb. "Five."

"Five? Whoa, that's a pretty cool number. So… where do you live? It's dangerous around here, you know…"

Mercy shrugged like it was no big deal and went back to playing with the cross, and tried to put the chain over her head, but couldn't fit it as it kept getting tangled in her hair, so Angel took it upon him self and took it from her hands and undid the clasp. He moved her hair aside and slipped the chain around her neck, which was long enough so the cross fell to just over her chest. After doing the clasp again, he sat back a little again.

"Beautiful."

Collins was patient as the scene unfolded, seeing Mercy become more comfortable with her. He didn't know what it was, but both girls seemed to fit together so well… Angel was sometimes way too understanding for her own good, but in this case it was very necessary… seeing what he was seeing now, Collins remembered why he was so in love with his Angel. Beauty, warmth, compassion, love… after the whole world seemingly turned against her, she still had the capacity to love and see life… and hope… in the very places where you wouldn't think to find anything except waste. Angel smiled up at him and with one finger, beckoned him forward.

"Hey, Mercy, this is Tom Collins," Angel introduced his lover to the girl, who was now a little more receptive to both of them. Mercy smiled at him and held out her hand.

"Hi Tom."

"Hi sweetheart," Collins replied, shaking her hand. "Call me Collins, okay? All my friends do."

Being only five years old, there was obviously a lot that she couldn't understand, even though she had learned so much than she should really know, given that she lived most of her short life on the street, with no one to care for her. But these people were really nice, and almost immediately she felt comfortable with them… like they cared. She smiled. "Is she your girlfriend, Collins?" she asked, pointing to Angel. Collins and Angel both laughed at the total adorable nature of the child.

"Yeah she is. You're really smart."

"Thank you. I like being smart."

"I'm sure you do," he reached over and touched the cross that now hung from her neck and reflected the morning light. "You're a very smart girl, I can tell. Where are you parents, Mercy?"

"They died when before I can remember," Mercy stated. She couldn't remember her parents, which in itself is was a terrible thing, the other tragic thing being that she was so young and had been exposed to the world way before she should've been. Why on earth hadn't someone done anything about this before, neither of them could understand. "I don't got any parents."

Angel stroked the back of her hair, feeling the tangled knots and gritty dirt between his fingers; the strands were each hard and apparently had not been washed in a long time. There was no way this child could've survived out here for very long, so she had to have been with a family or with someone who was taking care of her, or at least _supposed _to be taking care of her.

"Mercy, beautiful, where are you living?"

"I lived with bad people," she pouted and made a face when remembering the last family she had been placed with not too long before. "But I ran away."

"Can you tell us why?"

She shrugged again. "They didn't like me and I got hungry."

"They? A foster family?"

Mercy nodded.

Collins' eyes widened. "Hungry? You mean they didn't let you have any food?"

"They forgot to give me food," she confirmed. "I didn't like it. And the other kids were mean. They pulled my hair and hit me and their mommy and daddy didn't stop them and once, once I hurt my arm and it hurt so much that I had to have this HUGE thingy on it and it was itchy and I didn't like it," she sniffled. Even just remembering how much she had suffered at that place was too painful, and she started to cry. Angel instinctively pulled her into his arms and cuddled her – she didn't push him away, in fact she let herself be embraced. Immediately she felt warm and safety in his arms… something she couldn't remember ever feeling before, and it was nice. Safe.

"A cast?" Collins carefully pressed. "You broke your arm?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes with her dirty sleeve, and maternally Angel pulled her hands which were covered with dirt and God knows what else, away from her face. Whatever she had been living it, it wasn't doing her health any good. Instead, he took a handkerchief from his purse and dabbed it against her eyes. "It's okay, baby," he whispered. "I promise we won't let anything bad happen to you again, okay? How long ago did you leave?"

"I ran away," she sadly confessed, her big green eyes staring hopelessly at him.

"I can see that, honey. When?"

She shrugged. Like a five year old could have any concept of time, especially after what she's apparently been through… and anyway, when you're living on the street, time becomes meaningless in itself. Survival and time have no ties that bind. This was all too much for a little girl, so Collins looked at Angel with a look that was easy for him to understand – time to stop twenty questions; Mercy was overwhelmed enough as it were. But the cute thing was, was that she didn't flinch at Angel's touch… in fact, she relaxed against his body and put her arm around his shoulders. She then coughed again, a little more violently, and Angel wrapped her in his arms, in his coat, to give her a little warmth.

"Oh, honey you're freezing," he commented and started rocking her. He noticed that his leggings and skirt were getting a little dirty, and for once he didn't actually care. "We gotta get you warm…"

"I'm cold. And hungry."

Collins nodded and Angel, who then released his hold on the girl as the professor stood up. There was no plan now; it wasn't like they were expecting this; and they couldn't leave her here, obviously… but even though no words to the effect were spoken, they both understood that calling the cops would in fact only worsen the situation for her, not help. Taking her to the hospital, and calling the police, would only result in one thing for her, and it wasn't good – she'd get placed back into the system, the same one which failed her when she suffered this abuse. Apparently no case worker detected the situation at the home and consequently this five-year-old child was so desperate and in so much pain that she saw only one option and that was to run away? Nothing could be worse than to put a child in a situation where he or she would have to make adult, and irrational, desperate decisions that most of the time they couldn't understand or even know they were making in the first place.

Collins opened his arms and instantly Mercy seemed to understand and allowed her self to be picked up by the man, while Angel got to his feet and brushed off the dirt as best he could. In Collins' arms, Mercy felt the protection she initially detected in him – a strong, protective grip he had on her, and she could feel that he wasn't about to let her go, and so she rested her head on his shoulder and yawned. Why she felt so comfortable with them, she didn't know… all she knew was that she did. And it was a really good feeling. Angel didn't know how to ask Collins the question he wanted to while Mercy was right there with them, but seeing the uncertain expression on his face, Collins knew what problem was plaguing his lover.

"Mercy, sweetheart, how you feeling?"

"Tired," she mumbled and closed her eyes.

"You feel sick?"

"No."

"Are you hurt?"

"No. I'm cold…"

He sighed with relief, and saw Angel do the same… but just because she didn't feel bad at that time didn't mean that there wasn't something wrong with her, and that the wisest decision would be to take her to the hospital. But then the hospital would call the cops. And we all know how that would turn out. Holding the unsurprisingly light, petite girl with one arm, Collins reached out his hand and without hesitation, Angel slipped his fingers to link with his lover's, and Collins pulled him to him, and kissed his forehead.

"I guess… we can take her back to the apartment?" he whispered. "We can look after her there until we decide what to do… at least she'll be warm and safe there, and she'll have food and stuff... then we can think about what to do…"

"Baby, you got work…" Angel reasoned, and it suddenly came back to Collins that he did have his professional obligations to fulfill, but now there was an innocent, orphaned little girl who was freezing and looked like she hadn't eaten in days that he and Angel were now responsible for. They were too involved now to let her go. "I can look after her until you get home…"

"No, Angel, no…"

"What, you think I'm too wild to look after a kid?" Angel grinned, poking his tongue out.

"Yes, but that's beside the point. Have you looked after a kid before?"

"Have you?"

Collins stopped. "Point taken," he sighed. "Maybe we should take her to the hospital—"

"No, Collins!" Angel protested. He didn't wanna have this discussion in front of the child, and he lowered his voice to a dull whisper. "We both know what'll happen if we do…"

"She could be—"

"I know! But for now she seems to be okay, and she needs food and sleep. I promise it'll be okay. You go to work, and—"

"Angel," Collins looked to his side and saw that Mercy had actually fallen asleep in his arms; she must've really been exhausted. He could feel her warm breath on his neck. "Angel, honey, if we're gonna do this… we gotta do it right…"

"And we will! Tom, she's obviously been through hell and I doubt that evenwe can fuck her up anymore than she already has—"

"Shh! Angel, rule number one is you don't swear in front of her!"

"Oops, sorry… doesn't matter anyway, she's asleep."

"Not the point."

"Collins—"

"I'll call work, call in sick. There's no way I can work now, we both know that… and maybe we should stop by the loft first. I think we're gonna need a little more help you know, this is… huge…" Collins looked around, nervously, finding it hard to believe the situation they were now in, with a tiny five-year-old girl sleeping in his arms. This was not how he was expecting things to be this early in the morning. "I mean… can we really look after a child?"

Angel's blind optimism wasn't lost on him, nor was his knowledge that his lover would be a terrific parent to this one, or any child. He was just so full of love that he was willing to share with anyone, especially the innocence of a child. "Oh baby, we can. I promise I won't dress her up and put make up on her like I used to do with my dolls. Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Fun? Angel, this is a flesh and blood little girl here… take it seriously."

Angel rolled his eyes and rubbed Collins' arm reassuringly, and turned a little more serious. "I know, okay? Honey, I know. And she has no one except us now. We can't take her to the hospital; they'll give her to the cops… they'll put her with a family that doesn't love her, again! She needs us. And look at her! She's sleeping in your arms; I think she's felt more trust for us in these fifteen minutes than she's felt for anyone her entire life! The first sign she needs help, we'll take her to the hospital or a doctor or someone… but right now I think she just needs to be warm. Believe me, I'm taking it seriously… I am. She needs us. Look at her! I don't think she's slept like that in ages…"

Once again, Angel proved his words were of profound wisdom and more importantly, common sense. Not wanting to upset Collins further, he kissed his cheek and rubbed Mercy's back, lightly. "Come on, baby. It's not like we're gonna make any _good_ decisions here. Let's go home. Give her at least a safe, warm bed for now. Come on."

"Loft?"

"Home. It's too early to freak everyone else out. And you should still go to work… unless you don't trust me," Angel played, winking.

"It's not that, you know," Collins replied, stroking the sleeping girl's back. "I trust you, but… is it the right thing?"

"I don't know, okay? It's just… I don't know what the right thing is. And neither do you. But she needs to be safe, at least for a few hours until we work out where to go from here. Okay?"

"I'm staying home," the professor affirmed. "This is way to intense, I won't be able to work and you know it… besides, I think this is something we should both work through together. Whatever happens. I wanna be there for her, too."

Angel grinned and linked arms with him, kissing him again. "We can be pseudo-parents… for a day!" he added the last part when he saw the shocked look got from his lover. Well, officially this was the weirdest day of their lives, though Angel was dealing with it a lot better than he was. Could they really look after a kid, even for a little while? Let's face it, who would've every thought Collins and Angel to be parental? And taking her home with them? They're lives were just as complicated and inappropriate for a child as the situation she was in when they found her… okay, well I can't go that far, but they still lead pretty unconventional lives.

As they left the alleyway, with Collins carrying a sleeping Mercy. Even in the deteriorated physical condition she was in, to him she still looked like an angel… with one angel in his arms, and another Angel on his arm… Collins couldn't help but think that no matter what there had to be a God. He was surrounded by angels.

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_ Like I said before, I may be stopping writing for a while, I'm not sure. University semester starts next month, so my time is very much divided right now – that being said, I must apologise with being late in getting this chapter up. Other commitments. **

**IF I decide to continue the story, the next chapter would be… Mercy being taken for a physical examination, plus Angel's desire to keep her, and of course the obvious shock from their friends when they discover Angel and Collins with a little girl. **

**I'll let you know if I'll be continuing the story or not.**


	4. Keeping Faith

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 4: Keeping Faith**

**_SUMMARY:_ Angel struggles to convince Collins that they should keep her. Angel and Collins playing 'mummy and daddy' with an orphaned, homeless child. Collins has his reservations about Angel's immediate bond with the girl.**

**I've decided to continue the story as I have no else to do, and people want me to continue. However, be warned, coming chapters may take a while to get up.**

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Watching Mercy sleeping so quietly and still in the bed, Angel couldn't take his eyes off her. It was 9:00AM and Collins was on the phone to his supervisor at New York University, calling in a sick day to his colleagues so he could spend the day at home with Angel so they could sort through this very unusual, intense situation. They had arrived back to their apartment (which Collins was renting ever since he and Angel got together; he wanted to settle down) shortly after seven o'clock in the morning, and immediately Collins had taken the five-year-old to the bedroom, and there she remained tucked under the blankets, sleeping soundly after not having woken up once since they arrived. It wasn't hard for Collins to see that his Angel had immediately fallen in love with this child, and it wasn't hard to see why… he found it difficult him self to resist those gorgeous eyes and have the real desire to protect her and keep her safe. After what little information Mercy told them of her previous home, her will and strength to survive became obvious. She actually had many similar qualities to Angel… the most significant one being that when she finally let down her guard; her ability to trust them was so more profound and easy for her. She knew almost right away that they would take care of her and not hurt her. It was also hard to try prying Angel away from her side, and he insisted on staying with her just in case she woke up and got scared – it was a totally adorable sight for Collins to see, and he would stand at the doorway, watching his lover take on the role of a sister, or even a mother, for the little girl. Now the problem was, what were they gonna do with her? I mean, they couldn't keep her, right? The cops were probably looking for her to return to that God awful family who abused her… that thought alone just made Collins wanna keep her here even more, but that wasn't possible… was it? Either way, the first thing they'd have to do when she woke up would be to take her to a doctor, and despite all the questions he would ask, they knew they didn't have a choice. It was the only responsible thing to do, but for now they wanted her to get some rest which she hadn't had for a very long time. While she slept, Angel applied a warm cloth to her forehead and basically gave her a sponge bath… a couple of times she stirred and opened her eyes, but when she saw it was Angel by her side, she relaxed again and fell asleep. Seeing Angel taking care of Mercy was like seeing a mother nursing her child back to health; it was something that looked so natural, and felt so natural for them both.

Collins leaned against the doorframe with two cups of coffee in his hands, and watched Angel sitting there; his caring personality showing never before so brightly than it was now. Angel pressed the cloth to her forehead, humming a gentle song that his mother taught him when he was little. Collins moved forward into the room, and this sound of his footsteps coming closer to the bed caught Angel's attention, and he turned around just enough.

"Hey!" he softly, yet enthusiastically, greeted and held out his hands for the coffee. "Oh my God I love you, you know that?"

Collins smiled and leaned down and quickly kissed him, and then knelt down at his side. "Yeah, yeah I know… you look like you're having fun, gorgeous."

"You have no idea!" Angel gushed, happily. "She's doing so much better… she's a sleeping angel…"

"Yeah she is," Collins agreed. "We should get her to a doctor though, Ang. She needs one."

Angel opened his mouth to protest, but Collins placed his finger to his lover's lips to silence him.

"Don't. I know what you're gonna say. I know you wanna protect her, baby, so do I! But the fact is there are probably people looking for her; and she does need to have an examination…"

"But Collins, you know what they—"

"I know, Ang, trust me, I know! But it's not about that and you know it. We gotta do what's best for her, and right now we don't know what that is until we know she's not sick!"

Angel leaned back in his chair, unable to respond with a counter-argument – everything Collins was saying made sense, and it was now their responsibility to make sure that her best interests come to fruition, no matter what. But still… there was something there that had him connected with this child; that connected them both to her, and he didn't wanna give that up. He knew she didn't either. With Collins being the wise professor, it wouldn't be easy to convince him to take this slowly and see things from Angel's perspective, but that doesn't mean it hasn't worked before.

"Fine," Angel muttered, defeated. "You're right, I know. We'll take her to a doctor. But we can't tell them the truth, Collins, they'll just take her away and put her back with those people—"

"We can't keep her, baby," Collins insisted, standing up and taking Angel's hand. An argument was gonna start soon, he could feel it – or at least, Angel wasn't gonna like what he was gonna say, so in order to prevent Mercy from waking up, he dragged Angel to his feet and pulled him out of the room, closing the door behind him. "Angel," he continued once the door was closed. "She is a child. A homeless, orphaned child—"

"Who was abused by people who were supposed to love and take care of her!" Angel interrupted, but a stern look from Collins quickly silenced him.

"According to a five-year-old! And… who knows what laws we'd be breaking by keeping her here!"

"Since when did you care about the law?" Angel challenged, getting pissed off with how Collins was even contemplating calling the cops or doing anything that could jeopardize Mercy even further. He agreed with the getting her checked out bit, but everything else? No way. "And a child would never lie about something like this! Collins, I don't even think she knows what a lie is, let alone be able to tell a good one!"

"Well what the hell do you suggest, Angel? This isn't a game; we're dealing with a real child here! She barely knows us and we both know she's scared to death—"

Angel stormed away, angrily, not wanting to hear anymore of it, and he went into the kitchen and yanked the refrigerator door open, scanning the contents of it. Milk. Eggs. Apples. Oranges. Vegetables. Beer. Leftover Chinese food. Most of the contents were of a healthy nature, given Angel's belief in the fact that junk food only gives you skin problems and extra pounds, and does nothing to help the human body. Basically he hated junk food, and while Collins loved it, often they had to compromise.

Collins had followed him into the kitchen, and stood just next to the open door of the fridge and he glared at Angel.

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"Storming off like that! I didn't say we should give her to the cops, Angel! Far from it, it's just that we gotta think about these things; YOU have to think about them. 'Cause the reality is, there are probably people looking for her, and unless we figure out something to do…" he cut himself off before he said something stupid, and needed a moment to cool down. "I don't want her to go back, Ang. And you're right, she wouldn't lie about something like this, but sweetheart, this is a huge deal! It's barely sinking in here, and what makes it harder, is that I can tell you've already fallen in love with her!"

Angel blinked and shifted his weight, contemplating those words. He knew Collins had meant no harm, and would in no way wanna put Mercy back in a position where she could or would be hurt again, but he was the more logical thinker of them both (which wasn't necessarily a bad thing). Angel sometimes didn't understand Collins' thinking behind his decisions or whatever, but usually they made sense and were for the right reasons. Didn't mean that it hurt any less. It only made their decision of what to do with her all the more arbitrary and painstakingly difficult, not less.

Seeing Angel's muscles relax, and he was starting to loosen up a bid, Collins walked over to him and put his hands around his waist, and with his foot he pushed the door shut.

"Angel… my Angel. Love, you got a big heart… maybe too big, sometimes. And Mercy is an adorable little girl; she should be loved and cared for… and I know you want to be the one who looks after her, but…" he stopped just enough to turn Angel around to face him. "Angel, we know _nothing_ about looking after a kid. As cute as she is, I doubt living in this part of town will give her anymore emotional stability than she's getting now… there's no way we could provide for her!"

Angel bit his lip. Collins was right. Again. And normally it wouldn't bother Angel, except now what his love was saying was going against every instinct and desire in his body. And Collins wasn't purposefully being hurtful, it's just how the logic works. He fidgeted on the spot.

"Honey, I doubt those people will be looking for her, if they really didn't even care enough about her to give her God damn _food_!" he whispered, tearfully. "I mean, you saw her! I don't think she's slept that good in ages, and… I dunno there's just something about her, you know?"

"I know. I know…"

Angel hugged him closely, putting his head on his chest and listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart. "She needs someone, Collins."

"She does. And whatever happens, we'll do the right thing for her, okay? We just can't make those decisions, Angel… we're not her parents…"

Angel shrugged and smiled, coyly. "I think we're the closest she's got to a mommy and daddy," he winked and playfully slapped Collins' behind. "I think we'd so make the best parents!"

"Uh-huh. I'm sure we'd make society's top ten list of what makes good parents," Collins rolled his eyes. "A gay African-American professor with HIV and his street-drumming, drag queen HIV positive Latino lover are the proud parents of a little, innocent five-year-old girl. We'd be lucky that they don't lynch us in the streets."

"And I thought Maureen was the drama queen," Angel muttered. He then left the kitchen and glided over to the sofa, jumping down on it and stretching his perfectly waxed legs out. Collins followed and Angel's beauty was encapsulating, to say the least, and within seconds he was being pulled down on top of him; their mouths crashing together in a wave of heated lust. Another reason Collins was resistant in letting the child stay indefinitely… how often would he and Angel get to do this? At least, without causing her psyche to crash and burn? Not to mention that their friends weren't exactly model citizens. Neither of them was thinking of that in the moment as they engaged in passion that never lost momentum and was still as intense and loving as the first kiss they ever shared. Reluctantly, Angel broke the kiss and shifted his body slightly to accommodate the extra weight of Collins' body laying on his, and Collins pouted and moaned, longingly. _She's such a fucking tease sometimes…_

"Tom?" Angel meekly whispered. "Can she at least stay a few days? Give her a little stability. There's more for her here than out there… please?"

Controlling his frustration, Collins sighed. "I guess… I don't know…"

"We'll ask her, okay? I promise it'll be left up to her, but we gotta give her the option, baby. She needs someone to trust, and I saw her eyes… she looked at us both like she had found something that could save her. Like she wanted us. I'm never wrong about stuff like this, Tom, you know that!"

Collins started to get up, but Angel kept his hand at the back of his neck, to keep him there. "Angel, it's not that simple—" he was cut off as his head was forcibly lowered and Angel kissed him again, no doubt in a vain attempt to get him to cave in. If Angel couldn't convince him with words, maybe a bit of seduction could do it – and a bit of fun for him on the side as well. Angel's tongue explored Collins' mouth like it had a life of it's own, and it's own sense of curiosity and intrigue.

"Angel," Collins breathed against his neck when they broke for air, but was again prevented from speaking. Angel was desperate to convince him that they were too involved to turn away from Mercy now. "Angel, honey, as much as I love this," he propped himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Angel. "I know what you're trying to do…"

"Is it working?" Angel licked his lips.

"Hell yeah it is, but—"

"But what? Collins, I don't care what anyone thinks and I know you don't either. I know we'd be good for her… you know that too. We're good people, and for once in her life she has people who can care for her. Who can love her!"

"She barely knows us! You're already talking about her moving in with us? A pair of strangers?"

"It's a feeling I get. It just feels right, like she belongs here, Collins!" Angel was pleading now. What would it take to convince him? He knew Collins felt what he felt for this girl, and how special she was, so why was he holding out? Probably to stop them from making stupid, irrational decisions, but perhaps this was a time when logic and reason was not needed. Okay, that's going too far. But for Angel, he'd rather trust what he feels rather than what he knows, and you couldn't blame him given his life experiences, good and bad. Seeing the desperation on Angel's face caused Collins to melt again… it was an effect his beautiful girl had on him like that…

"We should think about it more," he replied. "Until then, of course she can stay only if she's comfortable with it… but we gotta get her to a doctor first."

Angel squealed happily and kissed him with a renewed force and energy. "Thank you, thank you baby! I'll call my old doctor from when I was growing up, I still got his number. But can we take her to the loft first? I swear, she'll love it!"

"Angel, we've barely had Mercy for two hours and already you're planning her social calendar?"

"Hey, it's an important aspect of a girl's life! Besides, I think she'd like it."

"How do you know?"

"I told you, I just know. I can feel it. You can too, baby."

Collins moved enough so he was lying at Angel's side, though was still looking down at him as Angel lay on his back, staring at the ceiling with a peaceful look on his face. Contentment. Whatever it was he was feeling for this child, it had to be special… and they were gonna make sure nothing hurt her again. Collins, though, was still understandably skeptical… could they really do this? Look after a little girl? Well, for reasons that don't need to be repeated, it wasn't difficult to see how this could be beneficial for all of them, yet also how it could hurt Mercy even further. Angel was a risk taker by nature. Collins wasn't. But they were a match made in heaven, by the hands of God, Himself, so it would work out no matter what happened. Could this really work? To hell with sorting through it now – with Mercy asleep, they were alone together and both in the mood for some… fun. And yet as they were busily engaged with each other, they didn't notice the bedroom door open and the footsteps of feet that were too small to hear on the cold floor. At the touch of the doorknob, Mercy shivered and felt those shivers transfer down her back. Coming from a nice, very warm bed, the sudden temperature change startled her just a little… and she didn't really know where she was. She remembered waking up momentarily and seeing that pretty lady smiling at her and whispering that everything was okay. And she remembered feeling really warm and safe, a feeling she never actually felt before – she didn't know what it was, but for some reason when she was in Angel's loving aura, and the warmth of Collins' protective spirit, the little five-year-old red-haired, green-eyed beauty felt safe. She felt home. Mercy couldn't remember her mother or father… and no one she could remember had ever been so nice and caring of her before she met them. Naturally she was nervous and very apprehensive of being taken here, but the warmth she got from them was enough to put those nerves to rest. A curious child she is, and her developing mind could take in everything around her – whether she understood everything around her was a different story.

She looked around the moderately sized apartment with a sense of wonderment and innocent naivety. It was a simply, pretty place. Not like the other place where it was always messy and kids running around, and adults screaming at her. No… this place was inviting and loving. A true reflection of the two people who lived her. Mercy stepped out of the room further, wearing nothing but on of Collins' old t-shirt's that covered her from her neck to knees. Angel had changed her out of her dirty clothes not long after they arrived back at the apartment, and had vowed to take it upon him self to wash them for as long as it took. As we all know, Angel has a tendency to get over excited, and the arrival of Mercy had made him completely forget about the nightmares, and the existing pain of the memories of what happened the previous year had completely disappeared.

Mercy blinked and the overwhelming position she was in gave way to relief – relief for warmth. There were a few photo frames on the wall, and she stared up at them. A couple of the photos were of Angel and Collins together, and the others were of people who she didn't recognize, but they were probably friends of theirs. Nothing about Angel and Collins seemed normal, but everything else was telling her that they lived fairly regular lives… well, regular for them.

She touched one of the photos – Angel was smiling and Collins was holding her. They're happy. Mercy never had any reason to trust anyone before she met them, and she did. Having the trust of a child was one of the most blessed things in the world, and in Mercy's case even more so. For so long she had reasons not to trust anyone thrown in her face.

She stopped when she heard giggling and soft whispering from around the corner, and keeping her hand on the wall, Mercy placed one foot directly in front of the other. As much as she was safe with Angel and Collins, she was only a child. In a place she wasn't familiar with. Then again, for the past few months she had been living on the streets, so she had an over-developed sense of survival. A five-year-old generally has no, or little capacity for abstract, complex thoughts but for a girl who has been forced to take care of herself when no one else was willing to.

Meanwhile Angel was giggling and nibbling at Collins' ear, purring seductively – being naughty and sexually deviant was not new to him, as he had been labeled it for a long time, usually with contempt, from the worshipped members of society. For Collins? It was a major turn on. And to think… if Mercy was to come stay with them… well, it would mean a severe cramp in their otherwise very healthy sex life.  
Collins struggled to regain control without giving over to pleasure… how could they do this now? They still had a lot to discuss, regarding Mercy.

"Angel, baby, you're killing me here…" he moaned, kissing Angel's neck.

"Uh-huh, just you wait…"

"Tease…"

"Only for you, darling."

The romantic, sexually-driven atmosphere was suddenly dash when….

_**SMASH!**_

"OWW! FUCK! ANGEL!"

The startling and _loud_ smashing sound scared the hell out of them both and Angel had jolted, sitting straight up, accidentally sending Collins crashing to the floor. Instead of tending to Collins who was rubbing his elbow and scowling, Angel was already up on his feet, jumped over his lover, and raced across the living room to the hallway. His first concern was Mercy, and seconds behind him Collins had got up and was right behind him. They turned the corner and there, standing completely still in the middle of the hall… Mercy was frozen and looked terrified. At her feet was a smashed vase she must've knocked over from the side table next to the bedroom door. The three of them stood there in silent shock for a few seconds as Angel and Collins absorbed the scene… and then the expected happen. Mercy started to cry.

"Whoa…"

The two of them were at her side in exactly 1.25 seconds, and Angel was on his knees and pulled her into his arms. Mercy sobbed openly and didn't hesitate to hug Angel back, crying into his neck. Collins pulled them both away from the broken porcelain and dirt, water and flowers that now was all over the floor.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Mercy cried. Angel picked her up and brushed her hair from her eyes, kissing her forehead.

"Shh!" he whispered, cuddling her. "It's okay, baby, it's okay… are you hurt! Collins!"

"I got it, I got it – take her to the living room, I got this…"

Angel carried Mercy into the living room and sat her on the table so he could physically inspect her for any wounds. "Baby, are you hurt? Did you get cut?"

Still crying, and shaking badly, Mercy shook her head and held onto Angel's top for reassurance. She was so sure she was gonna be in trouble.

"I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean it!"

"I know, sweetie, it's okay I promise! I'm not mad; we're not mad! What happened?" Angel stroked her cheeks and kissed her again. The maternal instinct he had was absolutely astounding…

"I woke up and got up and I didn't see it, I swear I didn't!"

The thought occurred to the drag queen of how scared she was… her foster family must've really been horrible to her, for her to be so scared of knocking over a stupid vase. Angel finished his inspection of her and then picked her up again, still stroking her hair, and looking into her eyes. She needed as much reassurance as she could get. "Sweetheart, I promise, it's okay. We're not mad, we're glad you're okay… you really scared us!"

"Promise?" Mercy sniffed, rubbing her nose on her sleeve.

"I promise! I promised you'd we'd take care of you, okay? We won't hurt you, okay?"

Seeing no anger in Angel's eyes, Mercy relaxed somewhat, though was still shaken from the shock of the shattering vase. The two hugged and no more words needed to be spoken, and both were comforted by each other. And this newest event only served to remind Angel of Mercy being only a child, in an extraordinary situation, without knowing what to do or who to trust. A few minutes later, Collins re-emerged, wiping his hands on his pants. A mess had been made, but that could wait for now, and he saw Mercy and Angel embracing over by the table – already they had a bond that had taken so short of a time to create. One that Mercy probably never had experienced before, which was why it didn't take long for her to form such a strong emotional attachment to Angel _and_ Collins.

He walked over to them and placed his hand on Mercy's back, and looked to Angel who nodded, silently confirming that she was okay.

"You okay, Mercy?" Collins asked.

"Uh-huh."

She allowed herself to be lifted out of Angel's arms and cradled; too weak to put up a resistance, she resigned herself to being cared for. The vulnerable position she was in kept her alert and a little tense for a bit longer, but she was too shaken up to resist them. All her reservations had to be let go, and she clutched Collins' shirt for dear life, and it became soaked with her tears; her crying muffled by the material.

"Come on," he whispered, soothingly in her ear. "Come on… its okay. You're okay," he then turned to Angel. "I'll take her to the bedroom, you stay with her?"

"Yeah, of course…"

**10 MINUTES LATER**

From his position on the ground as he cleaned up the mess, just outside the bedroom, the door was closed but Collins could hear that Mercy's crying had stopped; so she must've calmed down, thank God. On the ground in front of him, dirt and water stained the carpet and it wouldn't take him long to clean it up. It was weird, because the moment they heard the crash, the first thing that went through his mind was to get to Mercy… her well being… it was like an instinctive parental response, and it freaked him out. What kind of affect was this kid starting to have on him? This wasn't supposed to happen, and this definitely wasn't in his life plans. He knelt there, sweeping up bits of the vase and beside him was a bucket of soapy water and a sponge – cleaning up the mess was done with absence of mind, as Collins could only think about how terrified Mercy was when she saw them after knocking over the vase, and he knew that it wasn't about actually breaking it… something else was troubling her. He didn't know what her foster family had been like, but they couldn't have been any good to her – the punishments they must've inflicted on her… it was hard to think about.

Soapy suds covered his hands as he pressed the sponge into the water and raised it out just enough to squeeze out the excess, and then started to scrub out the dirty water. The flowers couldn't be saved, and the vase had been totally destroyed so there was nothing there left to save, but it didn't matter anyway. Another five or so minutes passed before he started to see results, and with the other remaining bits of the broken vase safely picked up and ready to be disposed of, Collins sat back up straight and arched his back, stretching out the muscles and wincing from the tension that had accumulated in his back from leaning over so much. Everything was even more skewed in his head than usual, and Mercy presences didn't help things. Now he was at the point where he didn't know if he _could_ force Angel's hand in giving the child over to the health authorities or whoever.

He picked up the bucket and was about to turn to go down the hall, when he heard Angel's voice from behind the door. Whatever he was saying, Collins knew it had to be words Mercy really needed to hear, and stepping up to the door, he slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open only a little way, to see what was going on. On the bed, Angel was lying with Mercy in his arms with her head on his chest, and she was calm and the crying had, as Collins expected, stopped. The scene was a very sweet; and very _real_ image of just how quickly they had connected… Mercy looked at peace as she twirled the cross necklace Angel had given her, in between her fingers. Collins wondered whether he should stay and listen or let them have their privacy, but curiosity kept him there, and the pure beauty of what he was seeing kept him_ wanting_ to be there.

Meanwhile, Angel rubbed Mercy's arms – they were warm and the paleness had disappeared just a little, with colour returning to her face and body. Life. Warmth. It was all there again, and Mercy closed her eyes, pulling the blanket up over her, and subsequently over Angel, content to stay there for as long as possible. She was hungry, and Angel offered her some food but she shook her head, too tired to eat. Against Angel's body, it was like she was a perfect fit and she didn't want to leave. Two people had shown more love and care for her in three hours than she had experienced her entire life, and if she could help it, she wasn't gonna let them go.

Angel looked down at her, feeling Mercy's muscles relax, and smiled. She was starting to trust. This child must have been through a lot to be able to make such an attachment so quickly, but Angel would take what he could get. Being here now, with her, just made him all the more determined to convince Collins that she needed to stay.

"You sure you don't want something to eat, honey?"

Mercy shook her head. "No, thank you."

Collins watched Angel kiss her and turned away. That was it. Things were getting way out of hand now, and not in a bad way... so he opened the door fully, catching both their attention.

"Collins, hey…"

"Angel, we need to talk."

The tone of his voice suggested seriousness and something not of a good nature, and Angel tensed up, which woke Mercy up a bit.

"Am I in trouble?" the child meekly asked.

"No, baby," Collins smiled at her, walking over to them and touching her cheek. "Of course not. I just need to borrow my girl for a minute, okay? We'll be right back, I promise. Need anything? Something to eat? Drink?"

She shook her head again. "I'm good."

"Okay. Angel?"

Angel didn't like where this was going, but nevertheless, he gently nudged Mercy out of his lap and stripped the blanket off. Mercy watched them and snuggled under the blankets once again, not saying anything as they left. Angel shot her a reassuring, charming smile that resulted in a small giggle and a reflected smile. Closing the door behind him, Angel followed Collins into the living room.

"What? You almost scared us both half to death, what's going on? I—"

"She stays," Collins interrupted, hardly. Seeing Angel with that girl was enough to convince him that whatever this child had been through, and whoever may be looking for her, she did need to be here. For as long as it took to work this out, she had to stay. "Call the doctor and set an appointment or whatever. She's staying."

Angel gasped, clasping his hands over his mouth, and feeling like he wanted to cry and struggled not to. "Oh my God, are you serious?"

"I'm serious. Whatever happens, until we figure out what to do and get to know her better… she stays. For now."

Angel screamed and jumped into his arms, knocking Collins to the ground so that he was straddling him, and forcefully kissing him so hard that the professor thought his lips would turn numb, but wasn't about to reject him.

"I swear, honey," Angel said, breathily, between kisses. "You won't regret it; she needs us."

"Uh-huh…" Collins joked. "You do realize that this means we probably wouldn't… shouldn't—"

Before he could finish, they both heard the bedroom door open and slam shut a few minutes later, and Angel jumped off him just as Mercy walked into the room, stopping at the entrance to the living room. She started blankly at them, probably through fatigue and confusion, as they sat side-by-side on the floor, both obviously out of breath. Being only a kid, she didn't know what they had been doing or whatever.

"Mercy, sweetie," Angel got onto his knees.

"I heard you scream," she said, softly. "Are you okay? I got scared…"

They glanced at each other and Angel nudged Collins forward, who waved for Mercy to come over to him, which she did. Collins, sitting up on the floor, slid his arms around her tiny waist and pulled her into his lap. "Sorry about that, Mercy. Angel gets a little too excited something's, everything's fine. No need to be scared…"

"Why was she excited?"

"Baby," Angel reached out and took her hand. "Do you have anywhere to live? Anywhere to stay?"

They already knew the answer, but this was gonna have to be Mercy's decision all the way, and she had to be comfortable with it – and with completely comfortable with them – before they could set up something like this. And oh man, what would the others say? Not that it mattered, but they were family and so something this big would usually be discussed with them… though that wasn't a concern right now. Maureen and Mimi would probably love the idea. Joanne would tear the idea apart with her logic and reasoning. Roger probably wouldn't believe it at first, and Mark would want to get it all on film as usual.

Mercy shook her head and rested her head back on Collins' shoulder.

"No."

Angel then moved so he was sitting directly in front of them both – to imagine the scene with Angel and Collins sitting on the floor with a little girl in their hands, was something completely knew and not contemplated, but it was happening. And Angel was again showing a little too much enthusiasm than he should be, but before he could tell her that she would be aloud to stay, Mercy started crying again.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please don't take me back to them!" Mercy begged. "Please, please, please! Don't make me go, I promise I'll be good! Don't make me go again, please!"

Angel and Collins were stunned at this sudden outburst and could only sit there. Mercy put her arms around Collins' neck and buried her face in his neck, effectively softening the volume of her cries.

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ In the next chapter: Mercy is introduced to the rest of the gang. It isn't hard to guess what their reactions will be. Collins and Angel take her to the doctor and start to already feel the pressure of looking after a child.**


	5. Meeting the Family

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 5: Meeting the family**

**_SUMMARY:_ When Roger, Mimi,and Maureenarrive at their apartment, by complete surprise, and you can guess who they meet.**

**Sorry it took me so long with this chapter. Been lacking the motivation.**

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Mercy sat at the table, quietly eating the sandwich Angel had prepared for her minutes earlier, setting the food down for just long enough so she could sip her glass of milk. After setting the glass back down neatly next to her plate, Mercy resumed chewing her, and Angel saw a milk moustache stained her upper lip, and stifled a giggle. This girl was just too adorable. It had been a further three hours from when we left them, and they had calmed her down and managed to convince her that she wasn't in trouble, and that she was allowed to stay, and Angel gave her a bath and washed her hair, using his stylistic expertise. No longer did she look like the cold, hungry, sad homeless child they had found on the street earlier that day. Her beautiful face only lit up when she was told that they wanted her to stay, and seeing the relief and happiness she was experiencing (probably for the first time in a long time), Collins didn't have the heart to tell her it was only temporary, and even found it hard for him self to believe that he wanted it to be temporary. To be honest, he was just as drawn to her as Angel was, and there was something about her… she wasn't like any other child he had met. Maybe it was the reason he was so reluctant to straight up keep her with them indefinitely, but now he couldn't stop believing that she did in fact belong here. She just seemed to fit so well. Especially with Angel. Now they were taking on parental roles of mother and father, which they really had no experience in doing and were basically walking blind into it. If only they could've foreseen what would come from looking after Mercy, then maybe things would've been different. Angel sat down at the table next to her just as Collins walked back into the kitchen after checking the hall for any remaining bits of dangerous, sharp bits of the vase that he may have missed when cleaning up, and stopped in front of the refrigerator, and started to open it but stopped mid-way. _Things are gonna have to change…_ he thought. _Child-proofing the apartment, no alcohol or chemicals on the premises (at least no within reach of Mercy, or where she could find them), and no more 'intimate' moments with Angel. At least, not many of them. _

"Shit," he muttered, reaching for a beer. Their whole lives were gonna change in an instant, in some good ways and in some not-so-good ways, but in both ways, nothing would ever be the same.

"Collins?"

"Hmm?" he stood back up straight and turned around, slamming the door shut by kicking it. Angel was looking at him, semi-concerned.

"You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," he casually replied with a shrug and unscrewed the lid from the bottle. Walking around the side of the table, he playfully messed up her hair, and she looked up and grinned, her mouth full of food. Collins laughed. How cute. "I'm good. Did you make the appointment?"

"Uh-huh. 2:00 PM."

Sitting down across from his lover, and next to Mercy, it seemed like a sweet, fitting setting, and the fact that Mercy was no longer so overwhelmed, and was so trusting of them, only continued to affirm the fact that she must've experienced some horrible people in her young life. Collins watched her eat, and Angel watched him… and he could see that the professor's reservations about the child were slowly disappearing. It wasn't that Collins was unsympathetic or untouched by Mercy's plight, or that he didn't have the urge to protect her… but all his life he had to rely on logic and reason to help him survive. Ever since he met Angel, his preconceptions of survival had been challenged and were slowly changing, and now with this beautiful child in their care, his mindset was once again getting screwed up. While Angel had a more natural instinct for loving and caring for a child, Collins was so used to a life where he didn't have to look forward to that sort of responsibility. Another reason why he was thankful to be gay, and again now it didn't seem to have mattered much.

Mercy was oblivious to it all, though, and it was probably best that she was… she was just happy to have food and to be warm. To have people who care about her, or more specifically, the knowledge that there are people out there who care about her. Even at five years of age, she understood things and had seen things more than she ever should have at that age, and although most of it she couldn't understand, she knew that with Angel and Collins, she would be safe.

The two of them sat there silently with her, waiting until she finished her food. Mercy was visibly enjoying every bite and God knows how long it had been since she had any real food. Angel smiled and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, leaning on the table – seeing her enjoying just a sandwich was a satisfying and amazing feeling to have, knowing that you've helped a child through such a small act, with such significant value to her. After a few more minutes, Mercy finished her food and took the last few gulps of milk, setting the glass down on top of the empty plate and wiping away the milk moustache, obviously satisfied with her meal.

"Thank you!" she grinned.

"Like it?"

"It was yummy!"

Angel leaned forward and rubbed her arm. "Good! I'm really glad you liked it!"

"Really?"

"Yup!"

"Why?"

"'Cause I never get to make anything for anyone as cute as you!" he tickled her tummy, and Mercy started giggling and squealing, squirming in her seat. Collins rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Great. Two children to look after! Angel and Mercy were having their fun; the vivacious drag queen putting his arm around her waist and pulling her up by one arm and the child, giggling and happily laughing along, playfully tried to get away but Angel proved to be too strong for her. Collins sat back with his coffee and watched the show unfold with and Angel carried Mercy into the living room, tickling her. Hearing the innocent, playful giggles of a little girl who had, literally enough, been through hell, was a refreshing sound, yet one that was very unfamiliar to both Collins and Angel… and Angel was loving it. Collins was still undecided, despite not being able to stop himself falling in love with the child. How could you not be taken in by her?

"AHHHHHHH!" the five-year-old squealed and Angel stood her up on the sofa, continuing to tickle and play with her. She playfully slapped Angel away before jumping up and down on the sofa, her energy restored… and also maybe a little bit of faith as well.

"Give up?" Angel challenged, picking her up once more and throwing her onto his shoulder. Feeling the energetic slaps on his back, Angel grinned… Mercy was having at least a little bit of fun, and that was what made this all worth while. Giving the child just a little bit of piece in an otherwise harsh and unforgiving world, would give her the peace at mind that there was some good left in the world and not to give up. Mercy sat up in his arms.

"NO!" Mercy stubbornly refused, sticking her tongue out at him, only to result in Angel returning the gesture.

"Oh really?"

"YEAH!"

"You wanna bet?"

"Uh-huh!"

Angel then, gently, put her down on the sofa, and stood up, but before he could move, the quickness of Mercy allowed her to jump up and onto Angel's back.

"Hey!" he protested, and watching from the kitchen, Collins was touched by their playful wrestling around. But at the same time, he still had his doubts… Mercy was becoming attached to Angel very quickly, which made him wonder and want to find out about what actually happened to her. There's no way a child would so quickly attach to a semi-stranger unless she had experienced much trauma, and it was this curiosity that gave Collins the reservations he had. But, nonetheless, he was drawn into the beauty and life Mercy still had, and couldn't hide his smile at seeing her play with Angel. "No fair!" Angel whined. "You're so small!"

"Ha ha ha!" Mercy taunted, keeping her arms around his neck. "I beat you!"

"No way!"

"Ya-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Silly!"

Again, Angel stuck his tongue out and pretended to be struggling against her tiny weight, which presented itself to be quite amusing entertainment for Collins.

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK_

The playing stopped and all three of them at the sound of banging on the door, and Angel knelt down to the ground to let Mercy get back onto the ground without hurting herself, but instead of standing back up, he kept his arm around her waist and felt her body relax against his own. All three remained silent for a few minutes as the confusion of figuring out what to do and how to respond eluded the two adults for just a brief moment. Collins looked at the two girls, and Mercy reached behind her and gripped Angel's top for extra security to make sure that her new friend would let go of her. When she felt Angel squeeze her hand back, she relaxed only somewhat though kept fixated on the closed and locked door just feet in front of her. Angel turned around on his heels and silently exchanged an apprehensive glance to Collins who shrugged and stood up, putting his coffee mug aside for a big.

_KNOCK, KNOCK_

"ANGEL? COLLINS?"

"GUYS, OPEN UP!"

Fuck! Roger and Maureen. And God knows the others probably wouldn't be far behind either – how were they gonna explain this to them? Panic quickly set in both their hearts and Mercy tensed up further at the raised voices on the other side of the door, thinking that there was trouble ahead (literally). Angel stood up, picking Mercy up with him and holding her in his arms, protectively.

"Who are they?" Mercy whimpered, burying her face into Angel's shoulder and closed her eyes. Feeling her ragged breath against his chest, Angel rubbed her back.

"It's okay, baby. They're our friends," he looked up at Collins. "What are we gonna tell them?"

"Oh trust me, I don't think we're gonna have to tell them anything as soon as they get inside." Collins muttered with a hint of sarcasm and crossed the room to the door, squeezing Mercy's shoulder affectionately before turning to the door and unlocking it. With a deep breath and a small, silent pray that they wouldn't freak out and scare the kid in the process, he opened the door and as expected, there stood Roger and Maureen, and behind them was Mimi. Mark and Joanne weren't there or anywhere to be found.

"Gees, took ya long enough!" Maureen rolled her eyes and bounced into the room, carrying a backpack, obviously full of life as usual. Roger and Mimi followed into the room, none of them initially noticing the little girl in Angel's arms, and she gripped him further. Collins closed the door behind them, and Angel took a few steps back – their friends could be a little outrageous, and Mercy was easily an understandably high-strung child, used to not trusting adults. If she wasn't already screwed up enough, well… living with these people would surely do the trick. And the thing is – Angel and Collins knew that was a possibility all the while. Either here or the streets. Which environment sounds worse for a little girl? The answer isn't as simple as one would expect, because really they didn't know what Mercy had gone through, what she had seen, heard, tasted, smelled; felt… her senses and perceptions were thrown out of proportion which only made it more difficult for anyone to raise her right, let alone an anarchist professor and his gay drag queen lover. But hey, life's one big party isn't it?

Mimi dropped her shoulder bag against the wall by the door and kicked off her shoes, all in a one second time frame, and Roger followed her over to the sofa.

"What you guys doing here?" Collins asked, reserved.

"What'd you mean by that!" Mimi giggled. "You two were supposed to be at the loft---" she trailed off when her eyes settled on the fabulous-looking Angel Schunard, and what was in his arms. "Oh my God…"

Nuzzled against Angel's neck, two small eyes were looking at her, not blinking or moving. Maureen and Roger quickly caught on too; their jaws simultaneously dropping when they saw the child resting quite comfortably against Angel. Maureen stepped forward, and for the first time in her life she was absolutely speechless! What the hell was a child doing here?

"Wha—" Roger stuttered. "Um, okay, are we missing something here?"

Angel and Collins didn't know how to respond, and Mercy looked away, too scared to even utter a syllable, and hoped Angel's promise that he wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her would hold true. Collins, seeing Angel fatigue just a little from the strain of holding Mercy on one arm, moved over to them, and lightly tapped Mercy, and instinctively she knew, and removed her arms from around Angel's neck. She allowed herself to be lifted up and until Collins securely had her, Angel kept hold of her, only letting go when Collins was fully supporting her. Meanwhile, Mimi, Roger and Maureen were standing there in stunned silence and all, at the same time, were trying to understand what exactly was going on, despite not being able to get their minds to think straight. Mercy looked at all three of them, again making silent mental depictions of who these three new strangers were. Her feelings of being protected by Collins only intensified, feeling him holding her close… so she knew she was safe to make her observations without fear of being hurt or exploited. The one in the middle, the guy… long hair, scruffy look… he looked different from anyone she's ever seen before. Like he didn't care what happened to him self as long as he had the people he cared about with him. Mercy sized him up, but wasn't scared… he wasn't scary-looking. He looked like a product of his world. Hopeless in a less-than-perfect world. The only thing was… was that he didn't care. Maybe that was his saving grace. The girl to his left was the shortest of the three… she was wearing a tank top and cut-off denim shorts, with fishnet stockings and black boots. Her hair was long and wild, and she was skinny, with dark skin; her eyes dark but an overall friendly demeanor. She too, was safe. And on the other side, another lady… this was slightly taller, white, wearing black pants, a tight black t-shirt, and black-heeled shoes. She also had dark hair and looked kinda, well… not scary, but wild. Definitely.

As long as it took me to describe to you what Mercy was going through in her thinking-process of making acute, accurate determinations with these people, it really only took her (because of her having to, living on the streets for so long) a matter of seconds to reach the conclusion that these people probably were not going to hurt her; but still she leaned in even more closer to Collins.  
Maureen walked over to Angel, and Angel was slightly amused at the stunned look and obviously inability to say anything. For Maureen, that was a surprise.

"Uh, um… guys, this is Mercy. She's um," Collins struggled to find the appropriate way of telling them. He and Angel were supposed to have gone to the loft before he left for work, and they never showed up, so it was no surprise that they came looking for them.

"She's a new friend of ours!" Angel helped him out, a little more enthusiastically than he intended. Squeezing her hand, he looked down at her. "Baby, this is Mimi," he gestured to one of the ladies, and then moved to the guy. "That's Roger. And next to him is Maureen. They're our friends, they won't hurt you. Say 'hi'!"

He didn't expect her to answer, and she didn't. Maureen, Mimi, and Roger barely comprehended the situation, and so they couldn't speak either. It was all silent in the apartment, the stunned reaction from their three friends was not unexpected, but was still uncomfortable nonetheless. Feeling everyone's eyes on her only made Mercy more uncomfortable, and whimpered into the collar of Collins' shirt, and he rubbed her back. This was no situation for her to be in now, so while still keeping an eye on the new arrivals, he nudged Angel to get his attention.

"Ang," he broke the silence. "Take Mercy to the bedroom; let her play or whatever…"

Without a word more needing to be spoken, Angel nodded and placed his hands under her arms, Mercy again putting up no resistance to the change, making it easier for Collins to hand her over to Angel. After getting a firm grip on her, Angel turned and hastily took Mercy across the room and down the hall, disappearing from view seconds later, leaving Collins alone with their stunned friends. After hearing the bedroom door close, Collins breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Angel would be able to distract her even for just a little while. Mimi was the first of them to snap back to reality, just after Mercy was taken from the room and she blinked.

"What just happened?" she asked Collins, a little dazed (knocked back from the shock of seeing a little girl with the two most unlikely guardians).

Collins rolled his eyes and sat down on the sofa, not appreciating them being here at this moment. He and Angel had just managed to get the child's full trust, and calmed her down, and she didn't need this new shock now.

Maureen and Roger both calmed down a bit too, and Maureen joined Collins on the couch.

"What the hell is going on? Where are her parents? Why the fuck is she even here? Who is she? How old is she?"

"Which one of those questions do you want me to answer first?" he sarcastically retorted.

"Collins, you two gotta be crazy!" Roger hissed. "Who is she?"

"Like I said, her name's Mercy… dunno her last name," Collins explained with an exhausted sigh, resting his head in the palm of his hand. Mimi and Roger both sat down on the coffee table; all three of them very keen to hear this story. "Angel got freaked out this morning; she had another nightmare… she wanted to go for a walk, and I went with her… we found Mercy in an alleyway. She was dirty, freezing cold… homeless, guys. We couldn't just leave her there. She ran away from her foster home… apparently she's been hurt there from what little bit she's told us. And she has a rapport with Angel… I couldn't break that…"

"Well what about the cops?" Roger pushed; his usual cynicism and pessimism not being hidden by the tone of his voice. "You can't keep her! What were you thinking?"

"Our first concern was making sure she was okay, Roger!" Collins snapped angrily. This wasn't a good time for Roger to be second-guessing the decisions he and Angel made that could've possibly saved Mercy's life. "She was hungry, tired, and cold… in this weather… man; she was wearing a sweater and a skirt, no jacket or anything. She wouldn't have lasted another night on the street; we brought her home so she could sleep and have some food! She seems physically okay, but we're taking her to Angel's old doctor this afternoon just to be sure. She's staying here until we know more about her and what to do… like I said, she and Angel instantly connected… she must've been hurt badly to have connected with us so quickly, but…" he stopped for a moment and shook his head, sadly. "I dunno, guys… there's just something about her…"

Maureen, at this point, still hadn't said anything, but feeling her senses come back to her, she held onto Mimi's arm for support. "Collins, um… seriously, a kid? If the street didn't fuck her up, being around people like us will. No offence."

"None taken. And I know what you're saying. But taking her to the cops… she'll just be thrown back into the system that hurt her, and that she ran away from. She's been here just over six hours, and I mean… guys, we can't just let her go!"

"What about the hospital?" Roger growled. He couldn't believe Collins and Angel would be so reckless; this was a child for God's sake! None of them were really in a position to know how to care for her; physically, mentally, or emotionally. A child living with any of them could mess things up, and not to mention the pressure that would accompany it. Taking care of kids was hard work. Total dedication was needed; and although he knew Angel would not hesitate to care for this Mercy kid… this wasn't the healthiest environment for her to grow up in. "Did you consider taking her there, _genius_?"

"Fuck you Roger," Collins snapped, getting to his feet. "I don't need this bullshit right now; and YES we considered taking her there… but they ask too many questions and would've called the cops. She seems okay, but we're taking her to the doctors. Like I said, our first concern was giving her rest and food. And she needed it."

"Dude, are you guys seriously contemplating actually_ keeping_ her?" Mimi added, incredulously. Collins shrugged.

"I don't know what we're gonna do, I told you! But its Angel's and my decision either way… seeing her with Angel, just before you guys knocked," he leaned against the wall and smiled at the memory of the look on Mercy's face when she was playing with Angel. "It was just… like it fit. Like it was right. Those eyes, I think… pure emerald… piercing… its hard not to fall in love with her…"

Roger was taken aback at Collins display of emotion for a child he had known for barely six hours… the impact this Mercy girl was having was obvious and intense at the same time. Mimi, on the other hand, was captivated. And why shouldn't she be, she and Angel were so much alike it was freaky. Maureen seemed confused.

"Wait a minute, back up," she sat up. "So you're telling us that you and Angel would actually _adopt_ this kid? Isn't that, like, illegal?"

"Maureen!" Collins hushed her. "No that's not what we're talking about… anyway, it isn't illegal. Nothing in New York law says it is. Just…. Unprecedented. But that's not what Angel and I are talking about… but I get the strange feeling she's already thinking about it, which fucking terrifies me. All I'm saying is that this girl trusts us, and she's staying here until we know more about what happened to her. That's all. Guys, I don't know how to explain it… there's just something about this little girl. And she's comfortable here, I can tell. If you saw the way she and Angel were looking at each other and playing… you'd get it."

He trailed off again, in a state like he too was having trouble believing how things were turning out; but then again, it was just after midday and already he was exhausted. The events of the past six or so hours were so intense, that if it wasn't happening to him, even he would be skeptical of something like it ever happening. It was surreal. It didn't make sense. Unlike Roger though, Mimi was a little more accepting of the situation – she knew that it was uncommon for strange, weird things to happen, especially to them, and maybe this could be a blessing in disguise! She was the only one Angel had confessed to (not even having told Collins) about children, and that he had wanted to have the opportunity to have children, but obviously being gay and anatomically of the wrong persuasion, and that New York state had never been presented with the case of a gay couple wanting to adopt or whatever, and that he has AIDS… he feared that he'd never get the opportunity. Plus, Collins' reluctance told him that his lover didn't necessarily _not_ want the same opportunity he did, but more so that he was more in tune with the realistic possibilities (or lack of them) of it actually occurring. And so maybe Mimi was more understanding to the situation than the cynical Roger and the dramatic Maureen, both of whom would probably blow it out of proportion. Mimi stood up.

"Um, I'm just gonna go find Angel—"

"No, you're not!" Collins started to move to block her. "Mercy needs to—"

"I promise I won't say or do anything to freak her out, Collins. I promise, okay? I just wanna see if she's okay… okay?"

Collins hesitated. The look on Mimi's face told him that she was being sincere, that she was calm, and that she probably wouldn't do anything to scare Mercy any further than she was. This protective instinct, as strong as it was, surprised him, but he didn't deny it. He stood aside to give her a clear path.

After Mimi had disappeared around the corner, only Collins, Maureen and Roger were left. Roger ran his fingers through his messy, long blonde hair and sighed, exhaling nervously.

"Man, are you sure about this?" he asked, easing off the pressure on his friend a little bit. "I mean, are you sure this is a good idea? For her to be living here with you and Ang? As much as we love you guys, I doubt this is a stable environment for a kid. How old is she?"

"Five," Collins replied. "And I know what you're saying. But she'd be more stable and happy here with people who care about her than out on the street, by herself, alone and cold and hungry… okay? And I can tell… Angel's already falling in love with her."

Maureen smiled. "So are you," she commented, casually twirling strands of hair around her finger.

"What?"

She sat up. "You're falling in love with her too… you really care about her…"

Collins groaned, hating being put on the spot like this. Roger and Maureen watched him carefully, and his body language was complex… hard to decipher. But Collins closed his eyes. "I guess I do…"

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ Sorry, sorry, I know it took forever. In the next chapter, we join Mimi and Angel with Mercy in the bedroom, and in true diva style they start playing dress up with her and stuff. Cute, fluffy nonsense I'm throwing in there before all the angst history details of Mercy come up. Mercy is taken to the doctor before being taken to the loft. Collins and Mercy have a sweet, tender moment. Mark and Joanne come into the chapter, too.**


	6. Mercyful touch

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 6: Mercy-ful touch**

**_SUMMARY:_ This chapter will be a bit of cute, fluffiness. Mimi joins Angel and Mercy in the bedroom; she and Collins have their own bonding moment. Mark and Joanne will probably come in the next chapter, and later in coming chapters Benny will be coming in. In future chapters, Sam and Julian will be returning. Enjoy!**

**Daina! Have I told you that I love you, muffin? Thank you sooooooooo much for your help with this chapter; you provided some of the most awesome ideas for this one and I give you full credit! Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much. TACKLE HUG! And I promise I won't feed you to the sharks anymore. Latino heat lives on!**

* * *

Through the crack in the door, Mimi stood watching the interacting between Angel and Mercy. Now she understood what Collins meant when he said they fit so well… the picture of them two, from her perspective there, seemed to flowing and natural. They responded to each other well and their playful, loving spirits resonated against each other, bonding them further. Mimi smiled and leaned against the door frame, careful to not make any sudden movement or noise… she was enjoying seeing them together. They were both on the bed, with Angel sitting up with his legs crossed and Mercy was laying down, her feet in Angel's lap, who was in return tickling her tiny little toes, sending the sensation through Mercy's tiny body. Mimi heard her giggling and laughing as her body shook against the ticklish sensation, squirming on the bed and lightly kicked at Angel, who responded with more tickling. It was a loving scenario, one which, according to Collins, the child had probably never experienced before – Mimi and Angel both knew all too well what it was like to be a child forced onto the streets to fend for themselves against not only people, but the ravaging forces of Mother Nature that could just as easily have torn them apart, limb from limb. And there had been many casualties of homelessness; thank God Mimi, Angel, and Mercy all had survived the odds. Standing in the doorway, Mimi crossed her arms and tried to get a grip on what could possibly come from this, if Angel and Collins did decide to keep her. They couldn't adopt her, could they? Collins again was right, in that it would be an unprecedented move if they tried to adopt her, but it was too soon to tell.

Angel jumped up onto his knees and Mercy, ever the opportunist, wiggled her way so that she got free of his grip and launched herself at him, sitting on Angel's stomach and playfully linking fingers with him. Angel pretended to struggle under her wait; all the while Mercy squealed and poked her tongue out at him.

"No fair! No fair!" Angel whined, pouting. "Come on baby! Let me go! Ahhhh!"

"I got ya! I got ya!" Mercy taunted, proud of herself, jumping up and down, forgetting that she was still actually sitting on Angel – he gasped and let go of her hand.

"Hey! Oww! Whoa, calm down there Merc!" he coughed, and she immediately stopped.

"Sorry!"

Feeling her relent a bit, Angel then took advantage and picked her up, standing her up on the bed and throwing her onto his shoulder again. Mercy shrieked and tugged at Angel's skirt, but in a happy manner. All fearful thoughts and reservations she still had about Angel and Collins had totally disappeared, when they each held her in their arms… she felt home. Mercy then rolled over, off Angel's shoulder, forcing the drag queen to let her go and she jumped up and then flung her arms around Angel's neck, giggling. Angel felt her warm breath against his neck and reached behind him hold onto her sides, so that she didn't fall off the end of the bed. Hearing the child laughing and obviously having fun was a definite relief – to provide a child with comfort, even for a short while, made everything worth it. Mercy jumped onto Angel's back and wrapped her legs around his narrow waist; her tiny hands gripping the front of his shirt, and he covered them with his own, and sat up, effectively lifting her up just a little.

"See? I beat you! I beat you!" she declared, proudly, and Angel held up his hands in defeat.

"Okay, okay honey, you win, you win!"

"Say it! I'm the best!"

"I'm the best!"

Mercy frowned and slapped his shoulder. "Not you, silly! Me! Say it!"

_Wow this kid is bossy… a life on the streets will do that to you…_

Angel chuckled and pretended to fall over, Mercy then crashing next to him, and he then pulled her arm so that she easily fell across his chest and he kissed her forehead. "Okay, I give in!" he conceded. "You're the best!"

"Good!" Mercy grinned and sat up, crossing her arms over her chest. "Told ya so!"

"Oh ha, ha!"

Mimi covered her mouth to muffle a giggle – it was just so cute! But her efforts were to no avail, and a small giggle escaped her, getting the attention of Angel and the little girl, whom both stopped what they were doing and looked up. Mercy froze when she saw the strange lady at the door, staring at them – she looked friendly, but still…

"Hey, Mims!" Angel sat up, and waved the lady in. "Come in, come on, girl!"

Mimi hesitated, but opened the door fully and stepped in the room, closing the door behind her. The child then crawled behind Angel and tried to hide from this stranger's view, and so the ex-junkie took cautious steps forward.

"Sweetie, it's okay!" Angel assured Mercy. "She's a friend of mine. Mercy this is Mimi. Mimi, this is Mercy…" he then rolled off to the side, and now Mercy had no where to hide (and no one to hide behind). Mimi sat down, nervously… it had been a long time since she had dealt with a child or been in a position where she'd have to meet one. She wasn't exactly a 'child-friendly' person to be around, given her past with sex, drugs, and the line of work she was in. That just made her more skeptical about Angel's and Collins' abilities to take care of her and not, in blunt terms, screw her up.

"Hey, Mercy," Mimi smiled sweetly. "How you feeling? Collins told me you weren't feeling well…"

Mercy whimpered and crawled around to sit in Angel's lap, wanting to feel the warmth and comfort of the embrace. Angel kissed the back of her head and let the little girl sink further against him, needing the comfort and reassurance – meeting new people probably wasn't Mercy's favourite thing to do, and she was just getting used to being in this new environment with people who don't hurt her; people who actually care about her. Maybe this was all too much for her right now… either way it was happening and she held onto Angel's hand tightly.

"Mercy?"

She looked up. Angel wouldn't hurt her, would she? She was a very nice lady… man… lady… well, she was nice anyway, and Mercy felt safe, and the way Angel was looking at her, she knew that there was nothing to fear from this Mimi person. But a life time of apprehension and not trusting people really did turn her into a cynical child. Secure. So, trusting her instinct, she turned back to Mimi who was now sitting next to them, unsure of how to make this girl feel more at ease. Angel, too, was at a loss for what to do. Mercy is a delicate child, physically and emotionally, and although at ease with Angel and Collins, they had to proceed with caution. Angel then stroked her hair and whispered...

"I promised I wouldn't hurt you, darling. Mimi is cool; she's my girl… you can trust her."

Mercy was wide-eyed and alert to both Angel and Mimi – alert for the slightest sign that she may be hurt or that something bad might happen. Knowing two very kind, caring people for half a day did not constitute trust to the highest degree; not yet… steps are being made, of course. She twiddled her fingers and appeared to be thinking, pondering the possibilities and weighing up the pros and cons of trusting this new girl. She had made herself vulnerable by letting two complete strangers into her heart and now – it was debatable as to if she had a big enough heart and enough innocence and ability to trust more people. This day was so overwhelming and as reassuring as Angel was, it was more difficult than she thought to let down her barriers long enough to let more people into her life. Staring back and forth between them, Mercy felt Angel squeeze her hand, not letting go. She sank back further into his arms; her head leaning back against his warm chest. Mimi held her hand out to the little girl in a friendly gesture, while Angel pulled a blanket over her, seeing the five-year-old shivering, and kissed the top of her head. Mimi smiled at the open display of warmth and affection, not surprised that Angel was so taken and caring of the little girl… like a parent with his or her child. She could tell that Mercy had never experienced, or at least couldn't remember experiencing anything like that before. Despite everything, maybe this wouldn't be such a bad thing with Angel and Collins taking care of her when it was obvious society didn't want her and was willing to toss her aside. Mercy stared at the hand extended to her and looked up at Angel once again, for one last reassurance, her bottom lip quivering. Angel's soft eyes and comforting smile was enough. She then turned back to properly face Mimi, and then reached out just enough so her tiny fingers wrapped around the lady's hand, turning it over just enough and cocking her head to the side to inspect the fingernails, which were painted blue with tiny sparkles. It was like she was trying to understand it, but at the same time knew it was pretty and smiled as a result. Both Mimi and Angel breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing her face brighten up and relax just a little bit more, becoming more at ease with this new person by the second.

"You like that?" Mimi softly spoke to her, holding out her other hand to show her other nails, which were actually a different colour – dark green, also with sparkles. Mercy's smile grew wider when she saw the different colours, and nodded.

"It's pretty," she agreed. "I like the sparkles!"

"Me too!" Mimi excitedly replied. "Totally cool, don't ya think?"

Another nod.

"Did it take long to do?"

"Nah… well, kinda. Angel had to help me because I kept making a mess."

Mercy pulled Mimi's hand closer to her face and stared at the glittery painted nails further, intrigued. "Angel?"

"Yeah, Mercy?"

"Can I have my nails painted too?"

The question stunned the drag queen, rendering her speechless for a brief moment. It wasn't so much _what_ she was asking, it was the fact that she was asking it at all, seeking permission. It was a realization that Mercy was now making a parental bond with him, and whether that was good thing or not was yet to be determined, but it caught Angel off-guard, to say the least.

"I, uhh…" he looked to Mimi for a little help, but she shook her head and shrugged, in a way that told him, 'you're on your own', and then she grinned mischievously and mouthed the word 'mom', and Angel definitely caught it. Also, the way Mercy asked the question… like a child asking her parent. It was something that hit Angel with full force; that he and Collins, after only a few hours, had become the only parental figures in her life… reaffirming Angel's belief that it really didn't take that much to change someone's life. Especially a child's.

"Angel?"

"Huh?"

"Can I have my nails done, too? Like hers? They're really, really pretty…" Mercy looked hopeful, and there was no way Angel could resist her.

"Sure, honey…" then, she got an idea in her head. "Hey Mims?"

"Yeah?"

"Check over on the desk, in that bag over there," Angel gestured to Collins' desk in the corner of the room, though Angel frequently used it for his own purposes, which sometimes pissed his lover off. Mimi frowned in confusion, but nevertheless stood up and went over to the desk. Angel rocked Mercy in his arms. "We're gonna play a game!"

"What game?"

"Dress ups!"

Mercy lit up at that suggestion, and clapped her hands wildly, jumping up and down. No matter what hell she's been through, she's still just a little girl and playing games of dress up and make believe was still her favourite thing to do.

"Mimi, in the bag it's got my makeup; nail polish and everything. Get it for me, sweets?"

"Uh-huh" Mimi cracked her gum she was chewing on and started rummaging through Angel's belongings. In the bag, it was full of different coloured nail polishes, nail polish remover, lipsticks, eye shadow, mascara, eye liner… everything to suit every fine lady's needs. A lot of the stuff Mimi and Angel shared with each other; Maureen too, on occasion, and pawing her way through it, Mimi couldn't make up her mind what she should bring, so she picked up the entire bag and returned to the bed, putting it in between her and the other two. Angel then sat up and gently nudged Mercy out of his lap, and she crawled up to sit between him and Mimi, on her knees, peeking cautiously at the bag. Angel then stood up and skipped over to the closet, which was more or less stacked mostly with all the beautiful, creative outfits that made him stand out amongst the rest of the crowd. Mimi sat with Mercy, and opened the bag, turning it upside down and dumping the contents onto the bed. Mercy took this as an invitation and starting going through the different things – of course, she didn't know how to apply makeup or even really know what it was, but they were pretty colours and it looked fun!

"Wow!" she muttered and licked her lips.

"I know," Mimi grinned. "Angel… she's got _heaps _of cool stuff. Of course, it's not like you can have any of it—"

"Not until your way older!" Angel chimed in and then froze. "Oh God, Mimi I think that was… eww… I sounded like mother just then!"

"Oh, how _awful_!" Mimi mocked. "Who knew you'd make such a fantastic mom!"

"Shut up!"

"Uh-huh! Admit it, you like it!"

After pulling out a bundle of outrageously fabulously clothes; some of which he bought and others which he made himself, and turned back to face his friend and Mercy, kicking the closet door shut behind him. "Mercy and I are gonna have _tons_ of fun, aren't we baby?"

"Yuh-huh!"

"See?"

Angel wanted so badly to agree with Mimi, but it was way too early to make any type of assumption that would put pressure on him and Mercy. Collins' words were sinking in and it was time to take things slower. He dumped the clothes on the bed and jumped up next to Mercy, just behind Mimi and opened his arms so Mercy could sit with him, which she did. Angel scanned the outfits and makeup that was scattered all over the bed, and crinkled his nose. _Where to start…_

Mercy's sat up enough so she could put her head on his shoulder and her arm around him enough for support.

"That's pretty!" she squealed picking up a dark blue skirt with black lacing and Angel gasped.

"Oh my God, Mimi look!"

"What the—ANGEL! Where the hell have you been hiding my skirt! I haven't seen it in years!"

"Hey, you let me borrow it!"

"Yeah, _borrow_ being the correct word!"

"Oh come on, it's not like you even wore it!"

Mimi'sgasped,mock-insultedand Mercy bit her lip, stifling a giggle that was threatening to get lose as she looked between them both, finding the situation very funny for some reason. Mimi huffed and stuck her tongue out at Angel, who returned the gesture. She didn't dare try grabbing the skirt as Mercy was holding onto it and seemingly loving the soft, silky material. Angel then whipped picked up a bottle of her favourite blue nail polish and whispered in Mercy's ear to put the skirt down. Okay, so maybe this wasn't the most appropriate thing to do with a five year old, but it wasn't like they had any toys or children's books lying around the place, and what little girl didn't like playing with her mother's clothes and make up? Besides, Mercy was entertained enough, and happily scooted over enough so her hands were resting on Angel's legs so she could apply the nail polish. Mimi scowled but then let the subject drop, and decided to just have fun with the little girl and Angel. She shuffled through the pile of clothes next to her.

"Hey, Ang, where's that really cool Santa dress you wore?"

"Umm… I think it's in the living room."

"Santa dress?" Mercy spoke up, confused. She knew who Santa was, but a dress of him? What? Angel realized what Mimi was getting at.

"OhmyGod yes! She'll look so adorable! Will you go get it, Mims?"

"Why not you?"

"Because," Angel gave her a knowing look. "_I'm_ the one doing the nails and I still have to do her hair! Right, Mercy?"

"Uh-huh!" the child grinned and excitedly spread her fingers as wide as she could so Angel could have complete access to paint them. "We play dressup, Angel?"

"That's right, sweetheart, and you are gonna look absolutely gorgeous; like a princess, okay?"

"Yay!"

"And Mimi is gonna be nice enough to go get my Santa dress from the living room, isn't she?" Angel asked her, with a smirk, knowing Mimi wouldn't refuse Mercy.

"That's right!" Mercy gave Mimi a really sincere, impossible-to-resist puppy dog look and she groaned.

"Angel, that was _so_ unfair!" The ex-junkie complained. "Using a little girl?"

"Honey, it's not _using_ her!" Angel insisted, opening the nail polish bottle and adjusting the position of the tiny little hands on her legs to be in a better place to accurately do the nails (to Angel, it was an art form). "Mercy just happens to agree with me! Ain't that right?"

"Uh-huh!" Mercy nodded again, loving the funny banter between them, and she giggled when the nail brush touched the tip of thumb nail, tickling her just a little bit. Mimi groaned again and dragged herself to the door, making look like a visible effort. "You suck, Ang. You really do."

"Aww you know you love me! You can't resist me!"

"Hey, that line might work on Collins – you got him wrapped around your little manicured finger! You can't work me as well as you think you can!"

"Whatever, baby just _please_ get the dress?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going…" she rolled her eyes and opened the door, sighing heavily in a dramatic fashion. Angel flashed her brilliantly charming smile and mouthed 'thank you', and then went back to doing the tiny nails of Mercy.

"I'd do it myself, Mims," she called after her, not looking up. "But Mercy's got tiny little nails; this is gonna take all my skill."

"Sure, sure, whatever you say Ang."

"Love ya, honey."

"Yeah, I can feel the love."

"Go get it!"

"Okay, okay! Geez!"

Mimi closed the door behind her and walked quickly down the hall until she reached the main living room. Roger was still sitting on the coffee table, with Maureen and Collins on the couch – none of them had moved from their original positions since she left them and none of them looked too happy. Collins looked tired… like he had been drained of all his energy. Roger looked as cynical and skeptical as usual. Maureen was confused. She stopped and moved more slowly into the room, cautious as to whether there was still tension in the air. All three of them looked up when hearing footsteps.

"Uhh, hey guys…" she slowly said, spotting the dress on the arm of the chair in the corner of the room, she squeezed past Collins and Roger to go get it. "Everything cool?"

"Yeah," Collins sighed, sitting back and stretching out. He was sick and tired of trying to convince Roger otherwise – Maureen had somewhat chilled to the situation and accepted it, but Roger was still being the same pessimistic bastard and it was pissing Collins off to no end. What was the big deal? Mercy needed a place to stay; he and Angel offered her a home… temporary or permanent was yet to be decided, but surely Roger would've agreed that they just couldn't leave her in that cold, dirty alleyway. In some ways, Collins could understand Roger's concerns, but he didn't have to be such a prick about it, right? "Yeah, we're good, Mims. Where's Angel and Mercy? Everything okay?"

"Yeah," she said, casually, shrugging. "You're right, Collins. She is adorable… those eyes are stunning… hard to resist…"

"Almost impossible," he agreed.

"Mimi," Roger snapped. "Don't tell us you're encouraging this?"

"Roger, shut the fuck up!"

"Collins, I—"

"Guys, stop!" Mimi scolded. "Enough is enough… Roger, she's a kid who needed help. Angel and Collins are helping her; I don't see what the problem is…"

"I think what Roger is saying," Maureen chimed in. "Is that she is someone else's kid. Like, she is legally someone else's… or whatever…"

"Exactly!" Roger affirmed. "Angel and Tom could get in a lot of trouble—"

"She was living on the streets for more than a year," Collins harshly explained again, now wanting more than ever to win Roger over. "I doubt that even if someone was looking for her that they were looking very hard. Someone would've found her by now."

"How do you know she's been on the street for a year?"

"She had told Angel that the last time she saw her foster family was just after her birthday, which was last year. She doesn't turn six for another five months, idiot!"

"Wow this is intense…" Maureen mumbled. She didn't know how to react to any of this… she didn't doubt that Angel and Collins could be good parental figures for this little girl, but since they were all close, this new development would also affect their lives. "So what now?"

"What now?" Collins sardonically answered. "Now, Angel and I are gonna take care of Mercy who needs our help. In an hour and a half she's got a doctor's appointment. And yes, Roger, she'll be here as long as she has to be. Okay? We're doing this the right way." He stood up and resisted the desire to go check on the girls, and instead opted to pace the room, thinking of the next move. What was the next move? Too bad there wasn't some universal rule book on how to deal with this kind of thing, especially when your best friend is questioning your sanity in doing so.

Mimi clutched the dress to her chest and this time chose to walk around the other side of the coffee table, to avoid the conflict. It was a darker atmosphere, a polar opposite than from in the bedroom, where she could still hear Angel and Mercy giggling and having fun. Here, there was conflict. Division. Tension. Nothing intentional.

"Roger, baby, calm down," she spoke softly. "Mercy is a good, cute kid. There's no harm in here staying until they make sure she's okay… this is Angel and Collins' choice; I'm sure they'll do the right thing by her."

"I just…" he struggled for a response. He was outnumbered, 4 to 1 on the matter. Angel, Collins, Maureen, and Mimi were all against him on this matter and no doubt Mark and Joanne would be too… why bother fighting it? "Just, wh—"

"Mimi?" Angel's voice floated into the room. He was calling for Mimi to get her ass back to the bedroom, and she walked off, not turning to look back at the gloomy situation that threatened to crush her happy, cheery spirit.

"Coming, girl! Maureen, wanna join us?"

"Nah, I'm good. Gotta keep these two apart if it gets—"

"Very funny, Maureen."

"Sorry, _Tom_…"

Mimi left them to their own conflict, and decided not to tell Angel or Mercy – they were apparently having fun and remained oblivious to the growing conflict between Roger and Collins. She opened the door again and stopped when she saw Mercy jumping and laughing all over Angel who was tickling and wrestling with her on the bed. It seemed like the nail polishing was finished, and the horseplay was so adorable. No pain could be found in Mercy's eyes and she was happy.

"Okay, did I miss something?" Mimi closed the door and walked over to them.

"Hey, she totally jumped me, _I_ didn't do anything!" Angel defended, as Mercy jumped on her stomach and they linked hands and pushed against each other. Angel, lying flat on her back, then let go of her hands and pushed her up into the air by her stomach; she was as light as a feather. Mercy screamed but was loving every minute of it and her face was turning red with laughter and happiness. Mimi laughed and sat on the end of the back and watched them play, and already she was beginning to see the connection and why Angel wanted to keep Mercy already. "Thanks for getting it, Mims!" he added, bringing Mercy back down so she was lying in his arms, and he sat up.

"No problem, babe. So what we gonna do with you first, Mercy?"

"I like this!" she jumped up and picked up nice shade of red lipstick and showed Angel and Mimi.

"Oooh nice choice! See? She's so like me already!" Angel cried, happily.

"Oh great, just what we need. _Another _Angel – a _mini_ Angel running around the place," Mimi scoffed, resulting in getting slapped on the arm by her friend.

"Now, we gotta get you looking all gorgeous—"

"Then can we show Collins?" Mercy asked, hopefully. Angel's eyes lit up.

"Hey that's a beautiful idea! We can all get dressed up and do this cool little fashion show for the others! How about it Mimi?"

Ignoring the fact that Roger wasn't exactly thrilled about the situation; maybe doing this would help ease his concerns when he would see them all having fun. She nodded and stood back up.

"Hey, Mims, where's Maureen? Why isn't she with us?"

"She wanted to stay with the guys for some reason. Roger's still a little nervous about… well, you know…"

"I get it." Angel helped Mercy stand up on the bed and then took the Santa outfit Mimi had brought back with her and placed it around the child's shoulders. On Angel it went down to her knees, but since Mercy was so small, it went full length on her and then some. But still, she looked so adorable! And when her hair and makeup is done, they'd put on the best show for the others that they've ever seen. "Come on, honey. Let's get you all dressed up!"

**25 MINUTES LATER**

"Collins… are you sure about this, man? I mean, you and Angel playing mommy and daddy with this kid who's already screwed us at it is…"

"Nothing could possibly screw her up anymore than she is, Rog."

Things had significantly calmed down after Mimi said her piece and left – getting in each other's faces was gonna solve nothing, though Roger wasn't much closer to getting his mind around to accepting this. He didn't hate children, but he thought that this environment was appropriate for them and he wasn't stupid; he knew children were homeless out there. But they were not the kind of people who should be looking after them and so it was difficult stuff for him to digest – he could never before have seen his two friends in the roles of parents, and if this was a scenario that had been presented to him before this all went down, he'd be laughing it off. Actually, so too would Collins. Now, they were sitting there, calmly… Maureen was shockingly silent, lying on the sofa with her feet in Collins' lap – she was too tired and bored to do or say anything; and it wasn't like her at all. Roger reached for his beer and slouched his shoulders.

"What the hell are they doing in there?" he suddenly changed the subject, looking in the direction of the hall that led to the bedroom.

"What?"

"In the bedroom?"

"Keeping Mercy away from your bullshit," Collins retorted, yawning.

"Not funny."

"Seriously. That kid has been through so much shit, so Angel's doing what she does best – she's playing with her. Knowing Mimi, she's in on it too. Women… don't try understand them, man… I can't. One of the reasons I'm happy to be gay; although that don't seem to matter much now, does it?"

Roger chucked and brought the bottle to his lips – feeling the burning sensation of the beer running down his throat… even though it was only 12:45… he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, so he didn't care what the time was. He and Collins hadn't apologies to each other or actively sought to resolve their differences; but it was clear to him now that both the professor and the drag queen were seriously intent on keeping this little girl, even though Collins wouldn't actually admit it to even himself. It was obvious to Roger and Maureen that he wanted to keep her though – that already he felt connected to her. Maureen twirled some of her hair around her fingers and chewed gum loudly, lost in her own world as usual. What Angel and Mimi were doing with Mercy, none of them knew and none of them were bothered to get up and find out… this day had been one none of them would forget. And maybe this would be the day that changes an innocent little girl's life forever.  
At that time, none of them heard the bedroom door open and the three girls sneak out – it hadn't taken them long to get ready once they knew what they were doing; Mimi was leading them out while both she and Angel held Mercy's hands; she was walking between them. She was wearing the Santa outfit Angel loved to wear at Christmas, as well Mimi's short dark blue, black-laced skirt which was a mini skirt, but on Mercy it fell to just below her knees; and she had decided (or _insisted_) to go barefoot. She was also wearing the red lipstick that she had applied herself, and needless to say she got it more places on her face that on her lips, and bright blue eye shadow. Angel and Mimi had to hold each other to keep from laughing, but Mercy seemed proud of her efforts and that's all that mattered. Angel was, as usual, looking fabulous and would knock Collins' socks off… _and maybe other clothing items,_ she thought mischievously, but then silently scolded herself. _Fuck, Angel… you gotta stop that! There's a kid here now..._ a sudden change in their lives now, was that Angel and Collins were gonna have to be a little more… ahem discreet when it came to showing each other their love. He was wearing a short white skirt and a long-sleeved nice yellow top white lacing around the edges, and was wearing his favourite blond wig and makeup done to perfection. Mercy giggled and Angel clamped a perfectly manicured hand over her mouth, to hush her.

"Shh, sweetness!" he whispered. "We wanna surprise them, don't we?"

When she nodded, he removed his hand from her mouth and she immediately quieted down, gripping their hands tighter. Mimi stopped just at the entrance to the main room and peered around the corner – everything seemed to have calmed down and Roger and Collins were talking normally now; maybe it finally got through to Roger that they knew what they were doing. Maureen still looked like she was locked no where but in her own head, as she softly hummed a song while fiddling with her hair. Angel and Mimi exchanged looks and smiled… Mercy did look truly adorable and not even Roger would be able to resist her… right? Suddenly, Angel felt Mercy tugging his arm and knelt down to her height.

"Yeah, Merc?"

"Do I look pretty?"

"Aww, honey, you look absolutely gorgeous! You're gonna knock their socks off!"

Mercy's apprehension lessened and she grinned, ready to go out to see Collins again – she had already fallen in love with Angel after only eight hours, and now… now she wanted to know Collins better. He was the one who kept her safe… her protector. The three of them pressed themselves to the wall, and Angel nodded to Mimi, telling that it was time to present the beautiful, adorably Mercy to the others. Mimi was to stay with Mercy while Angel went and charmed her lover and friends, hoping to lighten the atmosphere even more. He let go of Mercy's hand and stepped around the corner.

"Hey guys!"

The three of them looked up and Collins' jaw dropped a mile as his stunningly beautiful lover skip over to him, and before he had a chance to recompose himself, Angel jumped into his lap, kissing him lovingly.

"What was that for?" he asked, slightly stunned. Angel giggled and cuddled closer to him.

"No reason, baby. You guys okay?"

"Fine, sweetie," Maureen grinned, comically, and sat up. "Where's this girl, anyway?"

Angel shrugged, nonchalantly. "She's around. What's been happening? Roger, honey, have you been causing trouble again?"

"No, I just—"

"Say it, and you _will_ regret it," Collins cut him off, half-heartedly.

"Boys, play nice," Angel scolded, jokingly. "Come on, Rog! Cheer up, it's a beautiful day! Everyone is happy and healthy, and…" he got to his feet, and his energy still managed to mystify his friends.

"Baby, what you up to?" Collins suspiciously queried – when Angel got this hyper and cheery, usually something was happening or he was up to something and it wasn't necessarily bad or anything, but…

"Okay!" Angel jumped up onto the coffee table next to where Roger was seated. "Maureen, Roger, Collins… as you all know, for the past hour myself, Mimi, and Mercy have been, well… busy. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I must present to you the little girl no one wanted, and what is, I must admit, some of my most awesome work I've ever done, the beautiful, gorgeous, absolutely adorable… MERCY!" he then started, calling the little girl out from behind the wall, clapping and cheering wildly – Collins and Maureen immediately picked up what was happening and started clapping and cheering along with Angel.  
A few seconds later, the tiny Mercy jumped out from behind the wall. Angel must've rubbed off on her as the darling five year old struck an exaggerated pose. Collins laughed along, instantly forgetting the issues he was having with Roger, and clapped louder, encouraging the child. Maureen jumped up and started whistling excitedly, and Mimi also came out from behind the wall, having a blast. Meanwhile, Roger only managed to smile a little bit, without too much heart… so much could go wrong now, and Angel and Collins could get into heaps of trouble; this literally life-changing event of bringing a child into their world was troubling him to the point where he couldn't even fake enthusiasm. Angel jumped off the coffee table and ran over to Mercy, picking her up around the waist and Mercy screamed happily in response, no one could mistake the happiness she was feeling… a new experience for her. Collins stood up, still clapping – Angel, he knew, had done exactly what she promised not to, but it didn't matter anymore. All little girls love playing dressup, and certainly Angel had enough wild outfits that could satisfy any child.  
Mercy held her arms out to Collins, indicating that she wanted him to come closer and he found himself unable to resist and moved over to her. He lifted her out of Angel's arms with total ease.

"Wow, you look beautiful!" he told her, kissing the side of her head. "Had fun, I think?"

Mercy nodded. Roger watched Angel and Collins play 'happy family' with this strange child, and he couldn't believe that Mimi and Maureen were encouraging this! This could lead to big trouble for not just his friends, but the kid too… and Angel and Collins had no experience raising a child, even temporarily, and had yet to feel the pressures of the burden that came with being a parental figure or guardian.

"Angel and Mimi did my make up and, and!" she squealed again, the excited ness momentarily becoming too much, but got control enough again. "It was so much fun, we play dress up! See?" she looked down at the outfit she was wearing. Collins knew how protective Angel could be of her clothes so for her to have let Mercy play with some of the favourite items was a bit surprising, but nonetheless she looked amazingly adorable.

"You look beautiful, sweetie!"

Roger scowled and stood up. Mimi and Maureen watched him approach Angel, and both seemed like they wanted to intervene, but couldn't bring themselves to do and Roger stood next to the happy drag queen who was psyched to see Collins and Mercy getting closer, even if it was only a little bit. It was only when Collins, out of the corner of his eye, saw Roger stop next to Angel that his good mood suddenly faltered a little, and he whispered some sweet words to Mercy before putting her back down on the floor, keeping a hold of her hand.

"Angel, this isn't a good idea," Roger hissed, unaware that he had caught the attention of a somewhat temperamental philosophy professor. It was like Angel had been quickly knocked off the high he was on from having this child here, and he looked at Roger, hurt.

"What?"

Mimi took this moment to try and diffuse the situation and grabbed Roger's arm. "Baby, maybe we should go—"

"No!" he forcefully refused, standing his ground, not being able to keep this in. Mercy, sensing the tension of this volatile-looking individual, whimpered and Collins pulled her behind him just a bit, but kept holding her hand. Roger glared at them, now pissed off. And scaring the girl. "This is crap! She's a little girl; there are probably people looking for her! This is insane, am I the only one that sees this! This could… probably _will_ blow up in your faces! And you'll get hurt, not to mention _Mercy_!"

"Roger, quit it! You're scaring her!" Angel pleaded, but his words fell on deaf ears. When he heard Mercy's soft cries, he ran over to her and knelt down, pulling her into his arms and cuddling her. Collins continued to glare menacingly at Roger – what the fuck was his problem? It was one thing to stir this shit up to Collins and Angel who were trying to do the right thing by a child who was suffering in the streets, but it was quite another to go off at them and scare her half to death! Even though they would always be friends, this was a time when Collins wished he didn't know Roger. Maybe those drugs really did fry his brain for life, even though he wasn't on the stuff anymore.

"Did I do something wrong?" Mercy sobbed, hugging Angel with all her might, and had no intention of letting go.

"Oh sweetie, of course not," Angel cooed, standing back up straight, holding Mercy in his arms as she did. Collins, by this time, was fuming… how dare Roger start this, and in front of Mercy no less!

"Angel," he firmly spoke, maintaining his temper as best as he could. "Take Mercy to the bedroom."

Noting the tone of his voice, Angel did not dare challenge his request nor do anything to antagonize him further. Collins was pissed off beyond anything any of them had seen for a long time, and so he quickly turned around and carried a sobbing Mercy back to the room, trying so hard to calm her down. What was Roger thinking? Maureen and Mimi, both in the awkward position of watching a hostile situation potentially turning violent, just stood there next to each other. Collins stormed over to Roger so that they stood only inches apart.

"Get out."

"Collins, look man, I'm sorry, I'm only—"

"NOW!" he exploded. "Don't make me tell you again… that child has a home here, and nothing you can say is gonna change that. Angel and I saved her, when she needed someone… I don't expect you to understand it, Roger. Go. I don't wanna see you back here; and I don't want you bothering the girls…"

Roger was stunned. Hurt. "Collins, come on, I—"

"GO! ALL OF YOU!"

**5 MINUTES LATER**

Collins leaned against the door frame and stared at Angel, rocking Mercy back and forth in his arms, occasionally kissing her and whispering loving words. Mercy was worn out and her eyes were drooping and she was yawning, though Collins could see from even the position he was in, the ragged rising and falling of her chest as her body shook from the sobs. Roger and scared her witless… the bastard… Collins had come so close to laying into him right there and then, but didn't want to panic Mercy further. He shoved his hands into his pockets and felt calmer with each second he watched them… there was something right about what he was seeing. He could no longer hold his resistance to Mercy. Just like with Angel, she had broken him down to the point where he did not want her to go. After eight hours of being with her, she made a lifelong impression.

"Hey," Angel whispered when she looked up long enough to notice her very handsome lover standing there, looking worn out. "You okay?"

Collins nodded and moved into the room. Sitting down on the bed next to Angel, he touched Mercy's hand to get her attention. Sniffling and wiping her nose on her sleeve, and shaking badly, Mercy lifted her head just enough so her eyes connected with Collins. He didn't look so angry anymore, instead he was calm…

"And what about you, beautiful? You okay?"

"Why was that man so mad?" she asked, not having a clue.

"I don't know," Collins confessed, honestly. He honestly didn't know what Roger's problem was. "That's just Roger, I guess. He's kinda high-strung, but he really is a good guy… he was just shocked that's all…"

"Was he mad at me?"

"No! No, course not!" he insisted, and without encouragement, Mercy moved out of Angel's lap so that she was sitting in Collins'. Angel then lifted Mercy's legs so that she could rub them, making her feel a little better. "He was just a little shocked is all, he'll get over it. Right, Ang?"

"Mmmhmm! don't worry your pretty head, darling. That's just how he is; he'll get over it, I promise!"

"But I made him made at you…"

"No, don't you go saying that," Collins said. "You did nothing wrong, I promise. You want something to eat?"

Mercy nodded furiously.

"Angel?"

"I got it. No one makes food better than _moi_!" he giggled and stood up. "I'll be back, don't miss me!"

"Don't count on it!" Collins retorted playfully, and flinched when Angel went to slap him. "Nice, honey. Real nice."

"You like it; you know it!" Angel winked and poked his tongue out.

After he left, shutting the door behind him, Collins and Mercy were left alone for really the first time since she got here. The instant connection she and Angel shared was nothing like this one she had with Collins… whatever happened, he and Angel were in too deep with her now to back out.

"I promise you're not in trouble, sweetheart, okay?"

"Cross your heart?"

"Uh-huh" he crossed his heart to show her he was serious and seeing the small smile brighten up her pretty face was a relieving sight. She hugged him and her tiny hands dug into his back and he closed his eyes – this was gonna be a lot of work, he knew. Collins kissed her, just below her ear. It was weird – when he woke up this morning he had no idea how to comfort his disturbed Angel (yes, _disturbed_). Now, tomorrow when he would wake up he'd have to learn how to take care of a five-year-old child… Angel would probably be able to handle it with ease, but Collins? He wanted so much to prove Roger wrong, though could not dismiss the possibility that he may be right, that things could get ugly should there really be people out looking for her. To rationalize what they did though, Mercy was freezing cold, wet, and malnourished… so it made sense to bring her home with them. But now it was so much more than that, and as Collins held her, he heard her yawn and her head drooped so it was on his shoulder. She was falling asleep.

"We're gonna take care of you," he whispered.

"Really?"

"Yup."

Finding some energy, Mercy raised her head slightly so she could see if he was serious. He was. "You won't leave me?"

_She doesn't make it easy, does she?_ His conscience taunted.

"We won't live you, I swear. I won't leave you. Okay?"

Having that extra sense of security, Mercy relaxed more and drooped her head again, letting the energy drain from her tiny, stressed out body. Collins pulled the blankets back and helped maneuver her under the sheets and pulled them over her, up to her chest to keep her warm. There was still an hour until she had to be at the doctor appointment. Things were gonna get veeeeeeery interesting.

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ Next chapter – Mercy goes to the doctor. Roger tells Mark of what happened. Angel has another nightmare.**

**By the way – DAINA! LOVE YOU! Big hugs**


	7. They Did WHAT?

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 7: They did WHAT?**

**_SUMMARY:_ In this chapter, Roger tells Mark what happened; Collins takes Mercy to the doctor; Angel has another nightmare, with a twist. It gets kinda trippy at the end, so be prepared… and kinda nasty… dark and twisted. Don't hate me lol. Remember there is a purpose for everything in my stories. This is gonna be a _pivotal _chapter in this story. Mercy's significance in Angel's life becomes way more prominent.**

**NOTE: Sorry, sorry, and sorry for taking time with this. I just gotta say that I'm returning to university studies in three weeks from now, full time, so there is gonna be an intense study load and therefore not a lot of time to keep up with the story. I'll try whenever I can, but I give you no guarantees. For now, enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Collins checked his watch – 1:46 PM. Eleven minutes until the appointment Angel had arranged for Mercy, with his former doctor – Collins had volunteered to take her, while Angel said that he 'needed' to go shopping, which was half true, and said that Mercy needed some more clothes, which was also true. When Roger, Mimi, and Maureen all left, Collins time to reflect on the whole insanity of the situation further, and believe it or not, he found himself agreeing a lot of what Roger had warned him about. And he knew Roger wasn't being malicious or intentionally cruel when he erred on the side of caution when it came to accepting Mercy, and was simply trying to be reasonable in assessing what would happen. And a lot of what he said made sense. Angel refused to hear any of it, insisting that Mercy was better off here than in a foster home, and Collins was probably the most divided of them all. Not that it mattered anymore; both he and Angel were in way too deep to let the child go now, at least without properly taking care of her enough where they could know for certainty that she would be okay, and most of all, not mistreated again. After their friends had left, Angel had expressed uncertainty about taking Mercy outside in just the outfit she was in; and Mercy had been changed out of the dressup clothes she had played in, and into the clothes she had worn when they found her (except now washed and ironed and clean). Just before they left, Angel came in and wrapped her in a warm blanket for extra security and to make sure she didn't get sick; Collins then picked her up and they left for the check up.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, just outside their building, Mercy pressed herself against Collins' muscular frame, gripping his shirt between her fingers as the cold wind brushed against her skin. The shivers were so chilling down her spine and her soft whimpers bore only a tiny portion of the discomfort she felt – it was too cold. She wanted to go back inside. She started squirming and Collins wrapped the blanket around her even more, whilst cradling her in his arms.

"Why are we leaving?" she asked. "It's so cold…"

"You gotta get checked, Mercy," Collins replied. "I know it's cold; we'll be inside soon."

"Why is it so cold?"

"You know what? I don't know."

Walking down the street, they garnered a few concerned stares from other pedestrians, mainly the middle-class, worker types. Collins wasn't sure if it was because he was cradling a little girl in his arms, wrapped in a pink blanket, or whether it was because he was just because he was a black person caring for a white child. A lot of the stares were concerned and some were downright hostile; the judgment was cold and only furthering the notion that social divisions were ever widening, not narrowing as the President always liked to stay. Whispers. Dirty looks. It didn't matter to Collins; he got such hostile treatment just for where he lived and who he hanged with, as well as being an anarchist (in every way) and totally anti-authority. What bothered him now was that Mercy was with him, and shouldn't be subjected to what was pretty much common societal interaction with the socially accepted and the social rejects. Quickening his pace, Collins hurried to get out of the dangerous neighbourhood they had to cross on their way, though were streets that he commonly traveled before. Somehow, with a child, the entire environment transformed… became totally different… darker… like her innocence radiated certain relativism. He was used to such places, and hadn't really thought of or been bothered by the dangers because he lived it every day. Now, he was in charge of another life, one which could not take care of itself. Mercy would just as quickly be killed here as any drug dealer or gang member in conflict with an enemy… or even worse; she could be subjected to much more dangerous circumstances.

They crossed the street, sunlight breaking through the trees and the sides of buildings, but the heat seemed reluctant to follow. It was still freezing cold even during the middle of the day, and Mercy put her head against Collins' chest. His heartbeat was rhythmic and peaceful… safe… because it signified the very substance that kept the human spirit connected to others. Life. And that it itself was a very protective, secure, and comforting sound for the child and she closed her eyes; the jerky motion of being carried on foot by her new friend and protector did not bother her as she rested.

"Sweetie?"

"Hmm?" she looked up, somewhat caught off guard.

"When did you last go to the doctor?"

Blank.

"What?"

"When did you last go to the doctor, Merc?"

That one stumped her. Being only five, yet having a very troubled life so far, there was much she could remember, and still even more that she wished that she couldn't. But doctor visits?

"Umm… I don't remember," she replied. "Never been."

"You've never been to the doctor? Didn't your foster parents ever take you?"

"No."

Wow. These people really must've been heartless – but well, he was asking a five year old to remember her whole life's medical history, which is kinda impossible, so it was a futile effort anyway. Mercy scratched her nose and savored the warmth of Collins' body as well as the blanket, which kind of had a sedative effect… she wanted to sleep some more. As she quieted down, Collins looked down to make sure she was okay – seeing her eyes closed was surprisingly a welcomed relief. Now he was left to his own thoughts, specifically questioning what the hell he was doing with a child! Never had he imagined himself in this position of guardianship and it wasn't actually scary as it was an imposition. A nice one; he didn't consider Mercy to be a problem. But Angel had thrown them into this kid's life without proper consideration, and her dependence on them was growing by the second.

Collins stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, preparing to cross the street. The bundle in his arms was warm and soft; as was the nature of Mercy's personality. He didn't blame Angel for rushing into this as it was not a time for them to make reckless decisions in time which could hurt Mercy further. This was simply a role he was not accustomed to and probably never would be… and as soon as they returned home from the appointment, he knew that he and Angel needed to have a serious discussion. Angel was now out buying new clothes for her and was seemingly preparing her to stay for a long time, which may or may not happen. It all depended on how this doctor's appointment went, really, and Collins was trying not to think about the outcome, good or bad, that could possibly determine which way Mercy's life was to go.

Her tiny fingers reached out from under the blanket and touched Collins' neck, almost startling the young man and he checked down again, to now see her staring up at him like she knew he was thinking about her and her future. This kid knew a lot, given her age. _Why does she gotta do that?_ His mind was metaphorically beating itself against the insides of his skull, wanting answers. _I need a fucking drink…_

Stepping onto the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street from where they were, now, he could see the clinic only maybe a block away, so they were making good time. And Collins was seriously considering taking himself up on that drink thought after they got back. To say this day had been stressful would be a blatant understatement. Mercy shifted slightly in his arms, and he tightened his hold on her only a little to secure her. This was not supposed to be happening like this; Collins never expected nor wanted the responsibility of looking after a child, so the fairness of this situation, on him, still needed to be assessed and he still wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it all. But more so he hated people (like Roger) coming in and scaring a child while telling them that they're doing the wrong thing and can't do something like this. That pissed Collins off a lot, and maybe now this was just something that he wanted to do to show up Roger… to prove him wrong. Not so good motives, true, but that didn't mean he didn't care about what happened to Mercy. To put it simply, he didn't know how to deal with it any other way. Maybe it was the only way he _could_ deal with it without going totally insane.

Entering the clinic minutes later, it was virtually empty with exception to a mother and her young son, probably no older than Mercy, sitting in the corner. She was reading a magazine and he was playing with a toy truck, looking more than bored. Cautiously, Collins knelt down and placed Mercy back into a standing position, and she stood up as he removed the blanket from around her shoulders. Behind the desk, about ten feet away, sat a young woman who was busy typing and doing her thing. Taking Mercy's hand, Collins whispered for her to stay close and moved over to the desk. _What the hell am I supposed to do?_ He wondered, wishing Angel was here. The lady looked up and smiled.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, um… got an appointment for Mercy," he politely, yet nervously stammered. "Two o'clock."

The lady looked back and forth, obviously noticing the difference in their complexions and hesitated. Collins wasn't offended… more annoyed. She then cleared her throat and pushed some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "Uh, are you—"

"She's the daughter of a friend of mine," Collins explained, lying quite easily. "My friend was the one who made the appointment."

Still suspicious, the receptionist wasn't sure if this was legit. This guy still wasn't giving her a last name for the little girl, and both looked, well… not from around here. But nonetheless, she checked the check-in book, and sure enough there was an appointment scheduled for two o'clock.

"Mercy Schunard?"

"What?" Collins frowned, confused. The receptionist shrugged.

"That's the name I have listed for the appointment at two o'clock. Is this Mercy Schunard?"

Collins looked at Mercy who was innocently eyeing the corner full of toys and colourful books. Angel used her own name for it? He chuckled and shook his head. "Shit, Angel," he muttered under his breath. "You're fucking insane…"

"Sir?"

Realising that the lady was still wanting him to confirm Mercy's identity, he turned back to see her push a clipboard with some forms on it across the desk. "Mercy Schunard, correct?"

"Yes."

"Right, I need you to fill out these forms—"

Collins froze. Forms? Shit. He forgot about the forms, that he had no problem faking… but this was a child's life he would be messing with. Maybe it would be easier just taking her to the hospital, but then child services and the cops would be called, and though it wouldn't be good for him or his Angel, for Mercy it would be a hell of a lot worse. He smiled, charmingly, and took the clipboard.

"No problem."

"Sure. Bring 'em back over when you're done. The doctor should be finished soon."

"Thanks."

Feeling a small tug on his pants, Collins turned his back to reception and knelt down to Mercy's height.

"Everything okay?" he asked. She nodded.

"Um, I was wondering if, um…" she stuttered, looking away, like she was ashamed to be asking him for anything. "I, uh… I…"

He smiled, slyly. "Hey, Merc, it's okay, you can ask me anything. You wanna go play, right?" his question was immediately answered with a quick nod and a sparkle of hope in her eyes. "Go on then. Stay close, k?"

Mercy ran over to the toys and got down on her knees, while Collins sat down not too far away, looking over the forms. A certain problem had arisen. If they were gonna keep Mercy, even temporarily, then legally they had to go through certain avenues anyway. None of the benefits he got from his job would cover her should something go wrong, and things wouldn't be as easy for them… especially since she was at the age when she would have to be at school.

It didn't take him long to finish the three pages of information that he needed to, filling out the parts as truthfully as possible, and faking the rest. Not sure if she had an allergies or not (and she probably wouldn't know either), he left the medical history area blank. This was Angel's old doctor, so it wouldn't be much of an issue… Angel told him that she and the doctor sometimes kept in touch. That would probably work in their favour. But the most important thing was to get Mercy checked out and to make sure that she was safe and not sick from all the time she's been living in the streets… and being neglected by those who were supposedly in charge of her physical and emotional welfare. Bastards.

Ten minutes had passed and after returning the forms to the front desk, Collins returned to the seat and watched Mercy play by herself. That's what she had to do for the longest time… play by herself; look after herself. As screwed up as Collins and his friends were, even he knew how fucked up that was and inhuman the world could be to someone who didn't even know how to count to twenty yet or say her ABC's. She didn't know the basic steps of life, let alone how to walk up them and use them for survival. Cruel world, ain't it? _What the hell are you doing, idiot?_ That little voice in the back of his head screamed. _Connect with the girl!_ He sighed and stood up once more, walked over to where Mercy was blissfully brushing the hair of a small, worn down doll, though was happy with it as if she had received it brand new on her birthday. That was another issue. Keeping Mercy happy… buy her things, take her places… a lot of work and a lot of commitment.

Collins knelt down at her side and picked up the small comb which she had accidentally dropped a second earlier. Mercy noticed him moving next to her and she looked up and smiled.

"Hi!" she cheerfully greeted. Too much trust, too quickly… how does she do it? Collins offered her the brush but instead she held the doll out to him.

"Here. She likes you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think she knows me that well…"

"No she likes you. You're nice. You got those nice, pretty eyes," she commented, more like an observation than a compliment (not that she knew the difference or anything).

"Thanks," Collins replied with a small smile and accepted the doll. The soft fabric between his fingers was delicate, like Mercy. It was feeling of like it would fall apart at the slightest increase of pressure. The likeness of this doll to Mercy wasn't lost on him, though Angel was more in tune with what to do than he was. Perhaps Roger was right all along. They hadn't entirely thought this through, had they? "So you feeling okay? Not feeling sick at all?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"No reason. Just make sure you tell the doctor the truth, k?"

"I don't like doctors," she scrunched up her face. "Do you?"

"Nah," Collins grinned. "I don't go to them."

"Why?" Mercy queried further. "Where do you go when you get sick?"

"I stay home. Angel takes care of me. Sometimes I have soup or whatever. Better than the doctor."

"Then why do I have to go?" she whined, scrunching her face up again. God, she was starting to sound like Angel already.

"Because… you're a little girl and it's better for you to go to the doctor," he replied as quickly as possible. "And also because I said so, that's why."

"No fair!"

"I know, but live with it. While you're with me and Angel, you'll be okay. Okay?"

Another nod.

"Good."

He gave her back the doll, which she willingly took. At that moment a person entered into the room; the sound of footsteps approaching caused both of them to look back, to see a middle-aged lady in a white coat came into the waiting area.

"Mitchell Roberts?"

Immediately the mother and her son stood up, and Collins and Mercy turned back around, knowing that it wasn't their turn to go in. It was a weird thing for Collins… this morning he had woken up to Angel's cries from a nightmare, only now to have this little girl enter their lives and shake everything up. Damn he wasn't gonna sleep well tonight at all. It just goes to show how quickly your life can change, whether good or bad.

"Angel is pretty," Mercy smiled, adjusting the doll's dress.

"Yeah she is."

"Isn't she a boy though?"

Observant little girl, isn't she?

"Well, technically, yeah… Angel's complicated, honey."

"Do I call Angel 'he' or 'she'?"

"She. Mercy, it's not something you need to know about until you're a lot older, k? Angel is Angel, and she is a really nice person, don't you think?"

"Ya."

"Me too. Let's just leave it at that."

"Okay."

It didn't seem to bother her at all, to know that Angel really wasn't a girl – actually, she was unfazed by it. All she knew was that Angel and Collins were the only people to ever be so nice to her and that she couldn't help but trust them; she was drawn to them as they were to her. Right then, another person in a white coat entered the room, and looked at the name on the top of the paper.

"Mercy Schunard."

**WITH MARK AND ROGER AT THE LOFT – 2:05 PM**

Mark stared blankly at his rocker friend, with no emotion. No expression. Nothing to give even a remote suggestion as to how he was interpreting and reacting to the information that just passed through his ears. No way. No fucking way. He knew Angel was reckless and often rushed into things without thinking, but what the hell? It wasn't possible! And Collins let it happen? Let alone encouraged it? What, where they out of their skulls? Roger was amused at Mark's reaction, or lack of it. He was stunned. Much in the same way Roger had been an hour earlier but after letting the situation sink in, Roger could see the amusement in Mark's blank stare. He crossed the room to get a beer out of the fridge, momentarily leaving Mark to digest all the information alone. Angel and Collins? And a kid named Mercy? How ironic.

Hearing the fridge door slam shut, Mark snapped back to reality and leaned back further into the sofa, fingering the top of his soda can absentmindedly. Roger reappeared at his side a second later, and still did not say a thing. He wanted to hear Mark's response to this. Although none of our eight bohemian friends could be labeled the 'sane' one – we all know how pretty much screwed they all, but out of all of them at least Mark could be serious and semi-rational at times. A silent observer looking in on their own small world, he often could see things that the others couldn't, but despite everything… this one knocked him off his feet. I don't think any of them could've seen this coming. Angel and Collins included.

"They did WHAT?" Mark finally exploded, all these past ten minutes spent thinking up an appropriate thing to say, and those three measly words were all that he could come up with. Roger shrugged and sat on the arm of the sofa, across from his friend.

"Yeah, no kidding. And they're totally into it. Especially Angel. Collins… I think he's a little more reluctant, but he got pissed off when I told him that it might blow up in their faces… but yeah."

"They're adopting a kid they found on the street this morning?"

"Not adopting her, but apparently they're keeping her until they know what to do with her."

"And you just allowed this?"

"Mark, it's not like it's my decision!" Roger rolled his eyes and sipped his beer. "Whatever, I mean, who cares? They've got a kid, so what?"

"That's not what you were saying when you were over there, you said."

"Like I said, it's not my choice. I'm not losing my friends over this because they won't listen to me."

Mark's head fell into his hands and let out a frustrated cry. How could they be so stupid? Okay, maybe this kind of stunt could be expected of Angel, but Collins allowing it to happen? Was he insane? "I can't believe this; I can't believe this… so they're really playing 'happy family' with an orphaned girl?"

"Yep."

"Bullshit."

"Why would I make shit like this up, Mark? I wouldn't waste my time."

"I can't believe this…"

"Neither can I!"

"We gotta stop them."

"How? Collins seemed pretty damn certain that this was something they wanted; and what are they gonna do anyway? Toss the kid out onto the street again? Mark this is their choice."

"A shitty one."

"Very. But it's theirs all the same."

"I'm not bailing them out of this one if it goes to hell…"

"Well neither am I!"

"And Mimi and Maureen?"

"Maureen was actually, believe it or not, speechless. And Mimi obviously went off to play dressup with Angel and Mercy."

"You're KIDDING!"

"Nope."

Both the musician and the filmmaker knew the potential negative circumstances that could and probably would arise from this Mercy girl staying with them, especially since it hadn't even been a full day since they met her. Understandably, they were thinking of the last year's events where Sam and Julian almost killed Angel and the emotional torture on her and Collins was absolutely horrendous, so the stress of looking after a young child could be disastrous. Those events were still fresh in their minds; the memories as clear and vivid going back to the day when Collins first reappeared in their lives.

"Fuck, this isn't gonna be good," Mark said, yawning. "Do they have any idea what they're getting into?"

"Probably not. But I tried to warn them. This neighbourhood is no place for a child to be raised. They know it."

"And the street is any better? What'd they tell you about her? How old is she? Where's she from? Where the fuck are her parents?"

Roger sat properly on the couch, crossing his legs and shrugged. "She's five. Cute kid, I gotta admit… innocent, but she's seen a lot man. Apparently she's been on the streets after running away from abusive foster parents. Her real parents are dead. Or something like that."

"Sounds like a soap opera."

"Yeah, only from what I saw it seems legit. She looked like she had been through a fucking war, man. They are looking after her good."

"This isn't good, Rog," Mark stood up. "We gotta do something—"

"Like what? Force them to kick her out?"

"Call the police! Let them take care of this child. That's their job!"

"They'll put her back with the same family that caused her to run away."

"Man, do you know you just totally contradicted yourself then?"

"Shut up. I didn't say I agree with what they're doing. All I'm saying is that I know they don't have a lot of options. I don't think they should be doing this… but I can't condemn them for it either. This is a little girl's life we're talking about."

Mark paced back and forth in front of the sofa, Roger's eyes locked on him all the time. They live in an area of New York City where the crime rates high, and society's rejects gathered and celebrated being different and carefree and the bohemian lifestyle was a vindication to all the criticism and societal pressures and insults they had all been at the receiving end of over the years. Dirt. Cold. Power-less. The slums of the city. It was one thing to live this life. But to be raised in it? Mercy could be left with a whole new perspective on the world that none of them would've imagined. And Angel and Collins were so impulsive with this decision, so no wonder Mark was thinking…

"What the fuck where they thinking?"

**90 MINUTES LATER – ANGEL AND COLLINS' APARTMENT**

It hadn't taken him long to buy some new clothes – jeans and shirts; dresses, etc. for Mercy as Angel's forte was shopping, and so he knew exactly where to go and what to buy. He thought about calling Mimi and asking her and Maureen to come along, but decided against it – right now Angel was too pissed off at what Roger had done (more so than what he said) – Mercy had almost been scared to death with his cynical rants and it was stress none of them needed. All Angel wanted to do was for Collins and Mercy to bond, as well as their friends know that what they were doing was best for this adorable, sweet, good-natured child who still had so much hope for a world that had rejected her many times over.

Now, it wasn't often that we saw Angel in such a foul mood for something like this, but it was hard not to love Mercy. After almost ten hours of having her in their lives, Angel didn't want to let her go, without at the very least knowing that she would be safe and happy. Angel, before he had left, had changed from his dazzling beautiful outfit that he reserved only for special occasions with Collins, into something a little more appropriate for going shopping in – a beautiful, silky short plain white skirt, and a long-sleeved light-pink top with the word 'heaven' scrawled across the chest in white, with white platform heels.

Looking around the empty apartment, Angel let out an exasperated sigh and placed the bags on the coffee table and removed his jacket. Usually he'd take extra care with his clothes, but he was too tired to care at the moment and dropped in on the sofa before falling down next to it. He kicked off the heels and lay down, sighing exasperatedly. Angel had wanted to go to the doctor's clinic with them, because it was his former doctor that they were going to. He wanted to be there with Mercy. To hold her and be there. Either way, he was home alone now and left to ponder their options now… okay, so he had rushed into taking Mercy into their lives and that considering Roger's words seemed like the least thing he wanted to do. Nonetheless, he was alone with his thoughts now, so he had no choice. It was dark. Outside, clouds were blocking the once penetrating sun that lit up and gave heat to their summer days, and now the days were gloomy and dark; threatening rain and snow, forcing people to shelter for days on end with outside contact. Okay, maybe that was going a bit overboard, and you get the point. The point is, it was dark and gloomy. Not exactly the best environmental conditions to doubt one's own motives, and Angel didn't make a habit of doing that too often.

He smiled at the memories of the events that took place a couple of hours ago, before all that drama with Roger went down, when Mercy was dancing around the room all dressed up. She actually looked happy. Seeing her smile; making any child who had been through hell, smile, was an accomplishment and a moment to be proud of – it made everything all worth it, and everything in the future that happened would be all worth it. Staring at his toes, the nails of which had been manicured to pure perfection and wiggled his toes for no reason whatsoever. Bored. Two minutes after walking through the door and Angel was already bored again – Mercy and Collins had been gone for almost two hours and they still weren't home yet? Whatever. Angel felt his eyes drooping, the desire for sleep wasn't a surprise; he felt it coming… only now was he willing to let it envelope him. The fears of more nightmares had disappeared – he hadn't even really thought about it too much since this whole day was already wild and out of control to begin with. Blink once. Blink twice. Blink three times. Four. Five… each blink became longer, and the difficulty to pry his eyelids apart was increasing exponentially.

With opening his eyes after blinking a sixth time and suddenly it was different. No longer was the bland ceiling of the apartment staring back at him – Angel bolted straight up, and it only took it two microseconds for him to realize that he was asleep.

"Fuck!" he muttered and reached up to remove the wig, but to his surprise, he wasn't wearing one! Standing up, he looked down and discovered that again, like in a lot of his creepy nightmares he had these days… he was wearing all white. Flannel crap that wasn't doing him any justice, and barefoot. "Ugh… pseudo-hospital crap," he muttered, in a whiny voice. "Shit."

All around him, it wasn't black. It was a room. White. No door. Turning around slowly on the spot, in a 360 degree motion, Angel was never sure of what these dreams meant. Maybe it meant that he really was crazy. Either way, everything was silent and bright and… what the fuck kind of dream was this anyway? _What crazy message, lesson am I supposed to learn now?_ He wondered. It was weird in the sense that Angel had been having so many dreams lately, that he knew when he was dreaming… it was like he was consciously knowing when he was sleeping, something that no one can do unless they are seriously screwed up. But the freakiest thing was…

"This isn't like any of the shit before…" he muttered, sweating so badly that he could feel his mascara running down his face. Angel wiped one of his cheeks on the back of one of his sleeves and pulled it away to look at it. Black stains marked where his nervousness had removed any masking of fear with beauty products. The mascara was nothing _more_ than a mask now, and it was fading away. Whatever this trippy shit was, there wasn't anything that could be done to stop it – those myths about pinching yourself, or doing something to yourself that could bring you out of slumber was bullshit anyway. It wasn't true. Because when you dream, your brain shuts off signals to your peripheral nervous system so you don't get up and act out your dreams. Another thing is that you're not conscious in your slumber… you don't know you're dreaming when you are experiencing the dream (A/N: Does that make _any_ sense? Anyway, that's the explanation I heard in high school, so let's run with it). But Angel knew he was dreaming. Ever since the events of last year, he had been plagued with recurring nightmares, but sometimes he dreamt normally. It was when he dreamt of something connected to Sam, or Julian, or anything connected to what happened that he knew he was dreaming… not that he could stop it, but he knew. But this wasn't like anything… all his other nightmares were in a setting of pitch blackness; fear. This one was different. Connected to the others, but different. Lighter.

"Okay… I want Collins…" the drag queen whispered, scared witless. "This isn't good… not good…"

In the room, was nothing more than the bed, all white from which Angel had risen from, and a bedside table and a glass of water. Looking up, there was like no ceiling – it was just too bright too see, and Angel had to squint. The room was large. Like, the size of the entire loft. But there was nothing but the bed and table in the centre of the room; the rest of the space was just that. Space. Bare. Angel trembled and instinctively, without thinking, reached for the water. Sipping it, he was startled to feel the liquid of the purest water running down his throat, the icy coldness of it momentarily freezing every cell in his body it touched, before settling in his stomach. Wow. Angel put the glass back down and stepped away from the bed. _Calm down, girl…_ _okay… what the hell is going on_? Stepping around the side of the bed, Angel again did a 360 turn… and when he came back where he started, he stopped and gasped, crying out softly and clamping his hands over his mouth. Now, standing at the end of the room, staring straight him was…

"Mercy?"

The child stood there, ever so still, not moving. She, too, was wearing all white… like a nightgown… it was long and flowing. Her beautiful red hair contrasted the entire room so brightly, flowing straight, framing her beautifully sculpted face, and her emerald eyes sparkled and glinted in the light. Her pale white skin became transparent against the pure white wall. She was barefoot. Angel instinctively ran to her, tears already streaming down his face, and got on his knees in front of her. She never took her eyes off the drag queen, and didn't flinch, even when Angel grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

"Oh my God, honey are you okay? What's going on? Where's Collins?"

Why on earth would Mercy been in this? What did she have to do with this? The first gut feeling Angel had was that she was gonna be in some sort of trouble… like something was gonna happen, involving her. But Mercy remained silent. A tear. Two tears. Her eyes dampened and yet she still did not return the embrace. After Angel pulled away, the look in his eyes connected was identical with Mercy's, but the child remained silent. It was as if she knew something Angel didn't; hiding a secret that could potentially bring back the troubles of the past. The past. All of these dreams, Angel knew, had been connected to the past events that almost destroyed him and Collins… so what was Mercy doing here? How could she be connected to any of this?

"Mercy?"

Again, no response. Instead, Mercy took a step back from her new friend; her expression not changing one bit. Her expression was stone, intent on not revealing anything before time; Angel would find out soon enough, though was cryptic enough. Mercy turned and walked away, Angel staring after her and it was then that he noticed for the first time, the tiny outlines of a door. Mercy didn't even have to touch it as she approached, and it automatically opened and she walked through it, then turning again before disappearing from view. Angel started hyperventilating. Okay, enough with this cryptic bullshit, and sure enough he moved to follow her. Jogging through the door, it closed not one second after he stepped into the room, the slamming of it startling him and caused him to jump. Another white room, but this time there was _nothing_ in it. Again, it was about the size of the entire loft, it was that huge.

"Wait! Mercy!"

Angel's jaw almost hit the floor when seeing that Mercy was already at the end of the room, standing by another open door and she turned back just enough to see Angel. The look on her face was now terrifying the street drummer – the five year old had a darker aura about her. Her expression, her clothes, everything was still the same. But something had changed in the split second she had disappeared from Angel's view, and it was like foreboding. Mercy was silently daring Angel to come closer; imploring her that it was something she needed to see, or actually… something she could be seeing in the near future. It was frightening. This child was instilling more fear into Angel than Hannibal Lector instilled into his victims. Maybe because it was that aura of innocence and the foreboding of corruption. Angel could feel the air being sucked out of the room, and then Mercy bolted from the room into the next one and Angel hurried to put one foot in front of the other without falling down, to catch up. Just as he got to the other door, it slammed shut, and Angel, by this point, was in hysterics.

"MERCY!" he banged on the door. "OPEN THE DOOR! MERCY! COME ON, BABY! OPEN IT, PLEASE!"

He continued banging on the door and pleading for what felt like forever, but was really just ten minutes… the reality of this dream was more real than anything that he had experienced before, and under his breath, through his tears he was cursing Sam's power… the power Sam still had over his life; over Collins' life. And how Mercy fit into this was unclear, but soon it would become so.

"MERCY! MERCY!"

"Angel…" a hissed whisper of a familiar child's voice hissed, breathing against the back of Angel's neck, and he spun around, crying. She wasn't there.

"Angel…"

"Mercy? Where are you? Open the door! Let me in!"

"Angel… Angel… turn around. Let's play!"

Just as Angel turned around once more, the door was still closed. Angel pressed his hands against the door and started pushing, hoping in some way to move it, but it was useless. A heavy door; it felt like steel – immovable object that would not move with Angel's slender body.

"Mercy, please! Open the door! Where's Collins? What's going on, sweetie, come out! Let me see you!"

"Time for play…" the voice breathed. "Play time!"

Angel stopped moving and his heart slammed into his ribs so hard that it hurt and he actually gripped at the centre of his chest. Something warm… ticklish… thick… was covering his toes, and he looked down just enough to see what was going. A red, warm, thick liquid was seeping underneath the doorway... Angel screamed. The banging on the door, the pleading for Mercy to open it became more desperate and louder, though there was no echo in the room. Like his pleas were not being heard; evaporated into the air; falling on deaf ears…

"MERCY! SWEETHEART! LET ME IN! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Suddenly, the door jerker open, almost sending Angel crashing to the floor and into a huge puddle of blood – he screamed again. This next room was the same as the last one. Except, more horrifying. Blood was splattered ALL over the room; over the walls, over the ceiling, over the floor… handprints, two sets… one an adult's, one a child's… footprints… Angel's eyes darted around the huge room for only a brief moment, barely having anytime to soak in the disgusting, terrifying image before him, when… he fell against the back wall, his clothes and body becoming stained in blood, and let out a bloodcurdling scream. There, at the end of the room, was Mercy… standing there, now covered with blood, with the same expression, with a knife in her hand. And at her feet, was the lifeless, unmoving body… of Sam Michaels. There was only one reaction appropriate for this moment… Angel fainted.

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ wow… was that surreal or what? This chapter was written in the middle of the night, so you'll forgive any mistakes or anything that doesn't make sense, I'll be going over it tomorrow to check for mistakes. Anyways… I told you this chapter would be pivotal in bringing to light Mercy's connection with Angel, and I hope I didn't fail that… in the coming chapters, the dream sequence will become clearer as Mercy's connection with Angel is defined to a greater extent.**

**In the next chapter, Mercy and Collins return home to see Angel crying hysterically. Mark and Roger visit. Angel and Collins have a moment.**

**In later chapters, Angel goes to pay Sam a visit in prison.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy it so far! Be warned, I start back at full time university study soon so I wont get to update much. I'll try get in as much as I can over the next couple of weeks.**


	8. A Child's Touch

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 8: A Child's touch**

**_SUMMARY:_ In this chapter, Collins and Mercy return home to a hysterical Angel. Angel and Collins have a moment together. In the last chapter, Angel's terrifying dream of Mercy standing over Samuel's dead, blood-covered body was an image that he would never forget.**

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Angel clutched the side of the sofa, his brown eyes darting around the room as the images of the apartment – security and safety – started implanting in his mind, telling him that everything was okay that that reality was now his world once more. At the rate these nightmares were progressing, Angel was starting to fear the whole idea of sleeping at all, because it seemed nowadays that the more he slept, the more rapidly occurring would these dreams follow and taunt him. Breathing heavily and raggedly, sweating, and crying at the same time exacerbated a lot of his energy – it was so vivid, so real! The blood in between his toes… Sam's blood… Mercy and the knife… it was all so real, and yet no meaning behind it could be grasped as of yet. That was the worse thing of all, not knowing… not having any clue to what Mercy's role was. It had yet been even half a day and she had already made a lasting impression in two lives, who would not soon let her go let alone forget her. And when Collins would learn of this newest nightmare (and he always found out eventually), things would get extra complicated. Staring at the wall clock on the opposite side of the living room, Angel struggled to regain control he had lost to his subconscious and a single bead of sweat dripped down his face, landing on his arm. Suddenly, it became freezing cold in the normally warm apartment and Angel pulled his knees up to his chest, curling up into a small fetal position, and decided there and then to not do anything. _Collins, come home,_ he prayed silently. There was no sound anywhere… just the solitary, but constant ticking of the clock – time was continuing on, much as it always has done since the dawn of the universe, without a care in the world or an intention to stop and reverse to erase the last few terrifying minutes of Angel's nightmare encounter. Time could be an enemy, or it could be the best friend you ever had, but for Angel right now, it was an enemy that was winning a battle, and the war… for as long as these nightmares would progress, Angel would never be able to be free of Samuel. And Mercy! How did she fit into all this? Angel knew from the moment he laid eyes on the child that there was something about her, mysterious, that drew him to her… it was imperative that she stay, like a kindred spirit. Whatever God's motivation for bringing them together was, Angel was sure there was definitely a motivation there, and was even more convinced of so now. Mercy, so innocent and adorable, was covered in blood, holding the knife… in the dream; she had killed Samuel, but why? Neither Angel nor Collins even told her about him, and in the short time they knew each other there was no possible way she could've known about Sam, or even who he was. And yet the look in her eyes held nothing but relief. Like she had done something she needed to, in order to survive. She was unfazed by the blood. By the death. How the hell did she know the despicable Samuel Michaels?

Angel did not move, expect for when he shook from the sobs, and shivered from the feeling of coldness consuming him. Why were they taking so long to get home? Angel couldn't drill Mercy on what she knew – he knew that she didn't know anything, but was connected to Sam. It was frustrating and horrifying at the same time. No long able to withhold, in silence, the fear that was tearing him up from inside, out, Angel let out a shrill scream and slid off the sofa, onto the cold floor. He hid his face in his hands, effectively quieting the acoustic echoed effects of his sobs against the walls of the apartment. Why was this torture continuing? And it was only getting worse now that Mercy was connected to it, when it seemed like she would be the one person who could absolve him of all the darkness that continued to surround him from the past. But now it's clear that she is, in fact, a party to it all.

With the fear of sleep still fresh in his mind, Angel didn't know how he was gonna tell Collins of this new develop, given that Collins was still a little reluctant to letting Mercy stay. If and when he found out about this, Mercy would be again jeopardized… there's no way, Angel knew, that Collins would allow him to be put in any more risk, even for the sake of a little girl's welfare, and might very well call the police.

Trembling, Angel sat up against the side of the sofa, still on the floor, weeping. The next move was gonna be critical in getting out of this, and no doubt Angel's fighting spirit would help in this war of the conscience and subconscious. He stared at the wall directly across from where he was sitting, and curled his fingers in clenched fists. Tension strained his muscles and his vision was blurred. That dream was so real… the blood was so warm and sticky; the life in it Angel could feel was dying. The tenderness, yet distance, in Mercy's eyes were so breathtaking, as if he was falling through in a bottomless hole, with no destination to break the fall. Beauty and death mixed together to be comforting, but also isolating and deceitfully peaceful. Reassuring. An insurgence of confusion, but an understanding to why that confusion was present. All mixed together to form one dream, a metaphor that could prove to protect _or_ shatter Angel's fragile, yet determined and persistent soul. Whatever happened next, Angel's world could break or be mended by it.

Angel shivered, and the blurriness of vision subsided only for a brief moment to focus on the clock. Not one minute had passed since he last checked it. Time was slowing down to a painfully slow pace, intentionally dragging out the pain and then repeating it twice over. Time itself was an unforgiving universal element that would no sooner die than any human being would. Time dies in many different ways, for different people, though the death of time in the direst manner would be one of which consequences of human suffering would take hold of the world. In this case, Mercy and Collins would be the ones who would directly suffer from Angel's torments, and the hardest thing to fathom was that there was nothing anyone could do about it. Time was no more of an enemy than it was a friend, yet it's deceitful and emotion-mangling jumping back and forth between each side was perplexing and just as harmful as the object of initial harm. You may be wondering now 'what the hell are you talking about? Time? What does that have to do with any of it?' There is no simple explanation, and I'm not telling you this just to make you think. This was the kind of complex issue that was plaguing Angel and deteriorating his will to maintain strength in what he thought to be a lost cause. It was hard not to think of the benefits and disadvantages that time had, considering over a year had gone by and Angel still was tortured by Sam every other night.

"Why?" he cried in a barely audible whisper. "Why? Why?"

No answer would be enough to satisfy the hunger for merciful relenting by fate, or God, or whatever was controlling and leading his life directly to hell once more. Truth was, this was nothing to do with Samuel anymore, not one bit of it – it was more about Angel's dealing with it and ability to get by it. Get over it. In his dream, Mercy was standing over Sam's dead body with a knife, blood everywhere, which would suggest the obvious conclusion that she killed him. But other factors suggested otherwise. She was five. He was twenty-six. She barely met the height of his waist. A child versus an adult in physical conflict, which tells of a one-sided battle (should one have come to fruition). And yet it was Sam's dead body which lay cold on the floor, and Mercy's emotionless gaze into Angel's eyes that captivated his soul once more… it was her fingers that grasped the knife which dripped the life that had been taken away from the person it belonged to. Mercy had lived; Samuel had died, a defiance of the laws of nature – a child could not overpower and kill an adult, right? Of course, we could put this down to it being a dream, where the laws and rules of the conscious world were not necessarily applicable in the subconscious world. Mercy was unaffected by the blood and death in the dream. Not too farfetched could it be suggested that it was her experiences through life that numbed her to the realities of death in its most brutal form. So what did it all mean? The dream, that last scene, it was obvious that Mercy killed Sam, but one could not be so sure of such a conclusion. Angel did not see her kill him; they were separated by what seemed like a world represented in the form of a white door. The blood seeping underneath the door would suggest a mergence of both worlds (conscious and subconscious); everything coming to light and Angel would have to face his fears. That's one possible meaning.

Wiping a single tear from his eye, Angel stared around slowly at the empty apartment. Without Collins there, he felt alone. Without Mercy there, he felt scared (even more so now that he knew she was connected). He closed his eyes… and wasn't intent on opening them until his lover and that little girl came home, and fought off the imminent biological desire to sleep once again. Now his own body was joining in the apparent fun of torturing him both awake and asleep. Angel just didn't get a break, did he?

Ten minutes later, the door opened but he didn't notice – too wrapped up in the inner turmoil of what happened, Angel didn't notice Collins carry the giggling little girl through the front door.

"Hey, no fair!" she squealed, but he wouldn't relinquish his hold. Collins had her over his shoulder and a firm grasp on her, so all Mercy could do was slap at his back. Being five years old, though, her strength abilities didn't quite measure up to him.

"Honey, life ain't fair." He taunted, kicking the door closed behind him. "I win!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yep!"

"Down! Down!"

Collins lowered her to the ground where Mercy then stuck her tongue out at him, thinking she had won. Let the baby have her bottle.

"Okay, okay! Whatever you say!" Collins rolled his eyes and removed his jacket. They had taken longer than expected but on the way home Mercy had complained of being hungry and he decided it wouldn't be too much to take her to get burgers, something which she had never had before. It was an excuse for him to, as Angel, like many pretentious, self-absorbed (but in a good way), fashion-obsessed feminine beauties, abstained from junk food and anything that could potentially set them off on a diet, or worry about extra calories or whatever. Angel wasn't a diet freak, he enjoyed good food, but rarely did he let himself _or _Collins eat junk on a regular basis. Maybe for a special occasion but that was it, and to be honest Collins thought it was way inhibiting. It was Angel's insistence that everyone should take pride in their appearance and health, and so the desire for just a French fry or burger or _something_ for once, with saturated fats and just pure junk (we all like our junk now and then)… today was the perfect excuse! Introduce the child to the wonderful world of McDonalds. _Angel's gonna flip,_ he thought as he hung up his coat.

"Collins?"

"Ya?"

"Do you want me to stay here?"

What?

"What?" he verbalized his thought. "What'd you mean?"

Mercy shrugged and the blanket fell off her shoulders, like she afraid to be asking such questions for fear of reprisal. "I dunno…"

"Hey you," he knelt down to her height. Granted, Collins wasn't as good at this as Angel was, but he should at least give it a shot. "You can stay here as long as you want, k? No problem."

"Really?"

"Yep. Don't you go worrying your pretty head over it. Promise?"

She grinned. "I promise."

"Good."

He stood up, satisfied that she was reassured and started to look around for Angel. "ANGEL?"

It didn't take him long to find him, as seconds later he spotted Angel quivering just at the side of the sofa, only noticeable were the two legs that that were stretched out, which was how he noticed his lover was there. _What the--?_

"Angel?" he repeated. "Angel? Baby?"

A small, muffled sound that resembled a cry responded, confirming the unfortunately automatic tuning of his mind to the possibility that something was wrong, and suddenly all jokes and lightness aside, Collins was concerned. "Angel?" he rushed over to the living room sofa and within two strides, he was at Angel's side and taking in the sight before him. On the floor, Angel was curled up and shivering, tears streaming down his face and a pained expression that read only of a horror experience. It didn't take Collins more than a second to realize what happened, and dropped down to his lover's sides, instantly snaking his arm around Angel's slender waist and pulled him up to him. Angel was too weak to resist and pressed his face against Collins' chest as he was embraced, crying more openly now. The only strength he could muster was to hold onto Collins, his hands around the professor's neck.

Meanwhile, Mercy pressed herself against the wall; not scared and not about to cry, but the perception of this child was extraordinarily well developed, more so than most children. Angel was scared and upset and Mercy had a feeling it was something to do with her. Why was Angel crying so much?

"Angel?" Collins pleaded desperately. "Please, please sweetheart, what happened? Another nightmare? What?" he already knew the answer. Nothing made Angel as upset as the nightmares did; they terrified him beyond anything he ever experienced.

"Is she okay?" Mercy squeaked.

"I don't know," Collins replied. No point in lying to the child as she was obviously seeing the same thing he was. "Angel? Talk to me, what's going on?" his heart was pounding his ribs over and over again so much that it was gonna burst from his chest if he didn't get in control of his own emotions. Angel was falling apart and he needed to be strong. "ANGEL?"

Collins' voice broke Angel free of the terrifying grip that his memories had on him, and he looked up. "Collins?"

"Yeah, baby I'm here; I'm here…"

"Where's Mercy?"

"What?"

"Mercy!" the drag queen sat up and looked frantically around the room. Spotting the child up against the wall and… Angel screamed, falling back onto his rear end. Those eyes… those damn eyes of hers. Her expression was the same one on her face in his dream, when she was standing over Samuel Michaels' dead body. If things kept going the way they were going, then pretty soon Angel wouldn't be able to distinguish between the conscious and subconscious worlds at all, and it would all become meaningless. And Mercy was at the centre of it all.

"Angel?" Collins was trying hard to get any sort of information, but right now Angel was just nonsensical. It was scary. One moment he could be totally lively and happy and bubbly, the next moment he'd become a recluse and scared of the world… this was no way for him to live, not anymore. Angel did not deserve this. "What is it?"

Ignoring his love, Angel struggled to get stable on his feet, and gripped Collins' shoulder to be balanced. The room was spinning but he didn't care. His makeup was running, darkening his once beautiful complexion into nothing more than a mess and panic was now settling in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to hurl.

"Mercy," he rushed to her side and gripped her arms, kneeling down. Angel didn't know how to respond to her – to hug her, or to put as much distance between them as possible. The latter would do no purpose other than to confuse, scare, and hurt the child – she didn't do anything wrong, so he opted for the former option and pulled her into a loving embrace, taking in the scent of her newly washed hair and this only added to the confusion of it all. "Mercy, sweetie, are you okay?"

"Yeaaaah…" she slowly replied, twirling her hair. She felt angel's muscles twitch under her tiny hands while he held onto her, closely. "Why?"

Collins stood behind them, still by the sofa, processing what just happened. When they left, Angel was happy and cheery, with no signs of being troubled in any way whatsoever, and now she had turned into a bumbling little chicken, afraid to be left alone and looked as if something terrible had happened or was going to happen. Mercy allowed herself to be picked up by Angel, still embraced.

"Am I dying?" she asked, curiously, and Collins stifled a laugh (even though it was a totally inappropriate to be laughing right now anyway).

"No," Angel chuckled through his tears and wiped his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Collins?" he turned around.

"I'm here. Angel, what the hell is going on?"

The world stopped spinning for a brief moment, when Angel's eyes connected with his lovers. Everything, including Mercy, disappeared in that moment. Concern. Love. Curiosity. Confusion. It was all there. Desperation and the flip-flopping of ones heart did nothing to calm the nerves at this time and the mighty strength of Angel's will could not withstand the pressure that was being applied now. He'd have to come clean to Collins about everything that just happened… but now with Mercy in the room. And then, everything fell back into place – the apartment; Mercy; reality, it all came back into focus and no longer were Angel and Collins alone, once he felt Mercy's head touch his shoulder to rest.

"I'm sorry," the frail street drummer whispered – it was never his intention to cause Collins pain; or to scare Mercy, or do anything which could further aggravate what was happening. "I… I didn't mean to scare you, honey…"

In three paces, Collins was at their side and kissed Angel, lovingly… something they both needed. It had been a stressful and both were exhausted; it was fair enough that they were willing to share their home with a child they rescued from the streets, but with Angel's nightmares becoming more and more frequent, things were going to get worse before they would get better… that was almost a certainty. Stroking the back of Angel's neck, Collins whispered a couple of soothing words in his ear, out of earshot of the little girl. Angel calmed only a little, but loved hearing the words that kept him sane for these past two years, and so he relaxed a little more when Collins slipped his arm around his lover's delicate waist. Mercy tapped Angel's shoulder to get his attention.

"Why are you so sad?"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Angel sniffed and wiped the tears away. No point in getting her upset, too; she didn't need to know that she was the one in his dream that was standing over a dead body. Next best thing was to reassure her, obviously. "I'm okay, Mercy. Really."

Mercy responded by pouting and putting her hands on her hips. "You're lying!"

"I'm _so_ not!"

"You _so_ are!"

"Girls!" Collins scolded, lightly. He saw Angel's attempt to keep Mercy happy and not let her be bothered by any of this, and played along. "Not nice!"

"She started it!" the red-head girl taunted.

"Nuh-uh!" Angel retorted, child-like.

"Yuh-huh!"

"Hey, hey! Chill before you get sent to separate corners," Collins, as bad as it sounds, wanted Mercy out of the way, or at least out of the room, so he could properly talk to Angel and comfort him. Mercy's innocence would highly be a distraction that could not be afforded right now. It was a little past three-thirty and soon it would come close to dinner time. Looking back on the days events, everything had gone by so quickly it was hard to remember what happened in what order. Finding Mercy. Bringing her home. Breaking the news to their friends; fighting with Roger and throwing them out. Taking Mercy to the doctor; leaving Angel alone to face his nightmare, which apparently had been a horrible one this time. Sometimes they were mild; other times they were horrifyingly bad and would seriously screw with Angel's mental stability – at least for a little bit. And it took a lot of effort and energy to keep Angel calm and reassured. Collins reached out and lifted Mercy out of Angel's arms and set her down on the floor gently. "And you… you gonna go nap. Sleep." He was guessing here, but remembering the times when he had to baby sit his sisters and brother when they were younger… that's one of the one thing he remembered about being around young kids. _They need plenty of rest after being jacked up on sugar_, he thought.

"Nooooo!" she whined. Typical five year old. Another bad thing about being around a child… temper tantrums. "No nap! Please?" she clasped her hands together and stuck out her bottom lip, expertly making it quiver and those eyes… oh boy could she work it. And at such a young age! At any other time, Angel would be proud. "Don't make me…."

"Angel, back me up on this."

"Oh honey, I'm backing you up," Angel winked and snuck his hand into Collins'. Mercy, seeing that she was outnumbered, cried in frustration.

"That's not fair! Mean!" she complained, sitting on the ground, content on staying there. "I'm not going anywhere!"

"Yes you are!"

Collins stepped up behind her, and with his hands under her arms and pulled her up, right off the ground. Mercy kicked and struggled. Damn his feeble strength.

"I hate being small," she commented as he stood her up on the floor.

"Yeah well, you're small and I'm not. So I win!"

"No fair!"

"You can keep saying that all you want in bed. Come on!" Collins picked her up and threw her onto his shoulder; Mercy squealing from the sudden rush and was swiftly carried from the living room. Once again Angel was left alone, but barely any time could pass for him to break down again, as a minute later Collins reappeared and crossed the room to him. No words were said; of comfort or otherwise but instead the connection was of a physical nature and the professor tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips against Angels'; the tenderness and passion was obvious, absorbed, and reciprocated all within a matter of one second. It was a natural action for them both; but it was important for Angel to be relaxed… to feel loved… not alone. Collins' touch; his kiss; his breath on his skin was the only thing that kept Angel sane after an episode of terror such as the one he had just experienced.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Collins breathed against the trembling drag queen in his arms, just after breaking the kiss. Angel nodded; the warmth of his lover giving him enough safety; like a security blanket. "Angel?"

The lightness experienced with Mercy faded instantly and tears accumulated, darkening Angel's already dark, almost black eyes. The faded, running mascara was doing him not justice either. He looked like he had been given _two_ black eyes! "It happened again, Tom," he whispered, the tone of his voice shaking. Off-balanced. Unnerved. "While you were gone… I… I… I…"

"Shh, take it easy," Collins led him to the sofa, both sitting down at the same time. "It's okay. I promise. Another nightmare?"

"Yeah. It was bad; really, really bad! Different, this time. Not like the others – I knew it was the same thing, but somehow this one was different…"

"Different? How, exactly?"

"Mercy was in it."

"_What_?"

"I know. Collins, I was so scared! So scared!"

"I know, I know… you gotta calm down for me, Ang. What happened? How the hell is Mercy involved in this?"

"I don't know!" Angel cried, frustrated. "I don't know! It was so weird; I got this trippy feeling… and it wasn't dark. I wasn't surrounded by dark – it was all white!"

"White?"

"Yeah, I was in a room, this time. Not an empty space; it was like… just a huge white room, about the size of the loft. And it was empty, except for a bed and a table. There was no one there at first, but when I turned around and then turned back, I saw Mercy standing at the end of the room!"

This revelation hit Collins so fast he thought the room was spinning. If this was another of Angel's nightmare dreams, which all had revolved around Sam and what happened the previous year, then how did a child they only met less than twelve hours ago, fit into this? It didn't make sense; it wasn't adding up! But, as much as none of this made sense, he allowed Angel to continue.

"What exactly was she doing?"

"Nothing! Just standing there, staring at me with those big, beautiful eyes, and – oh gosh, those eyes, Collins! They're just so, so..."

"Mesmerising."

"Yeah, that's it! I went up to her and asked her what was wrong; what was going on; what she was doing here and she didn't say anything, initially. She just looked at me. I then hugged her and she hugged me back." Angel looked away, breaking eye contact. Collins dipped his head just a little, in vain attempts to reconnect their eyes, but only saw the confusion.

"Ang?"

"I don't get what happened next, Collins. It was so terrible, I just—" Angel started hyperventilating, the terror of the nightmare still having a tight grip on his heart, slowly squeezing the life from it. It was suffocation, from the inside to out… and he was doing it to himself. Then, he completely broke down and sobbed; Collins instinctively pulling his girl onto his lap and cooing soft words in her ears. It took a strong will for him to not cry at his lover's pain; the two of them so closely entwined that they often enough shared pain. Collins could feel it as strongly as Angel could, though the effects on him weren't nearly as devastating.

"Angel, tell me! I'm sorry, but you gotta tell me—"

"She killed him!" Angel almost screamed, shaking back and forth, like he was experiencing it all over again and Collins struggled to physically keep him calm, and had to hold his arms down.

"Angel? Sweetie, come back to me, who killed who?"

"She killed him! She killed him; oh God Collins, she killed him!" Angel sobbed, and sank further against him. Out of Collins' arms, he didn't feel safe at all. It was a schizo situation – one minute Angel would be bouncing around as normal, then next he was not the same person. This time was different. Worse.

"Angel, who are you talking about?" Collins pleaded. "Who?"

"I followed her! I followed her but the door closed before I got to her! I banged on the door; I TOLD HER to open it! I begged her! And then I heard her voice, asking me to play. I didn't know what she meant; I swear I didn't! And then blood came from under the door and it opened, and, and…" reliving the next memory of the dream only worsened Angel's agitated condition. Seeing that he was having no luck calming him down on his lap, Collins pushed him off and pinned the hysterical person onto the couch, effectively pinning him down by the shoulders and leaned over him. This was an unusually forceful restraint and one Collins wouldn't normally want to have to do, but Angel was working him self into a nasty state.

"Angel—"

"Blood was everywhere, Collins! Everywhere! The room was all white, like the others… but it was stained in blood, _everything_ – every wall, every bit of floor and the ceiling… it was all covered in blood! And, and---"

"And what? Angel, you gotta tell me! Who killed who?"

"She was standing over his body; he was already dead… she had the knife! And that same look in her eyes! She was emotionless; blank… but at the same time she looked like she felt she did what she had to do, it was crazy! I was so scared!"

"Angel, WHO are you talking about?"

Angel's hyperventilation subsided and regained control of his breathing a little bit, and met Collins' eyes. "Mercy killed Sam!"

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

Now, Angel was lying in Collins' arms, infinitely calmer and the tears gone. The memories had been pushed aside and he left himself be comforted and loved; sharing kisses and cuddling on the sofa proved to be the best remedy for a panic attack. The full impact of what that dream was had hit him until he had to relay the subconscious events to another person, and even then they had yet to fully sink in. His lovers breath on the back of his neck and shoulder was warm and seductive; whether it be intentionally or no Collins easily made him want to do him right there and then. Never had someone had this kind of effect on him, and everything was okay for now.

"You're not alone in this, baby, you know that?"

Collins had been, understandably, startled by the revelation that Mercy, in Angel's dream, had killed – or had, by _presumption_ killed Samuel, but that's not what concerned him right now. Angel's wellbeing did.

"I know."

"We'll figure this out."

"I know."

"You believe me?"

"I know."

Blank pause.

"You even listening to me?"

"I know."

There wasn't much reasoning with Angel now. This would have to wait until the morning…

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_ Sorry I had to cut this chapter a little short, but I'm in a lot of pain right now and I'm doped up on medication and I probably will be over the next few days. But over the next few days I'll be in bed so I'll try get more writing done. In the next chapter, when Angel goes to wash Mercy's socks, he discovers something that would go on to become the next clue into discovering what her connection in all this mess is. Mark and Roger drop by.**


	9. Where Did They Go?

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 9: Where did they go?**

**_SUMMARY:_ Roger and Mark stop by so Mark can meet the little girl.**

**_Note: _Thanks for the get well messages everyone, they mean heaps! **

**Also, I'm accepting any new ideas or storylines you may come up with; I give full credit where it's due, but my muse is running on empty right now and I need a little help! Please! Lol. I don't wanna put this story on hiatus, so _any_ ideas would be extremely appreciated!**

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It was now 1:33AM and Angel had barely fallen asleep no more than ten minutes earlier; the terrifying effects of the nightmare from earlier that day still had a grip on his sense of reality, and it was scaring him. As expected, Collins (being the loving boyfriend that he is) stayed up with his Angel until he fell asleep; which seemed to have taken forever. Ironically, for Mercy, it hadn't taken long for sleep to take hold – and she was the one who had the most stressful day of all, putting all the trust of her big heart into the hands of two adults who she had only met in the early hours of that morning. She had fallen asleep at around eight o'clock that evening and not a peep had been heard from her since; sleeping in the guest room Angel had prepared to get his mind off the trauma of the subconscious taunts he was receiving.

Collins closed the bedroom door halfway after re-entering his and Angel's room, coming back from checking on Mercy. Angel was lying curled up in a ball in the same position where Collins left him about a minute earlier. Tension and fear marked his face; no peace was he experiencing and it hurt his lover deeply; cutting his soul like a knife. Angel wasn't necessarily dreaming bad things again; but the _fear_ of being tortured in a realm beyond any conscious control was every present, whether he was awake or not. Collins cocked his head to take in the sight of his beautiful girl lying before him. A lucky man he was to have Angel in his life… the light in his life. The beauty; the passion; the love; the reason why life was still worth all the hardships and pain and ridicule… Angel was worth it all. And to know that there was nothing he could do to ease Angel's pain; to relieve his fear and pain, was overpowering for Collins. There was nothing he could do; a powerless lover with no idea of how to cure the pain of someone he loves more than life itself… a situation many people can relate to, but this was different. Angel wasn't hurting from the world… he was hurting from a world beyond control, where no one could help him. His own mind was burning pain into his soul. What cure exists for that kind of thing? Angel's beauty was so entrancing… enchanting… innocent, in a dark and dirty kind of way – not hidden from the world; proud and loving. A spirit recaptured that was once thought lost. Collins walked around to his side of the bed and removed his shirt – the essence of sleep was too alluring to him now, and would welcome it more so than Angel did. At least Angel was sleeping now, not entirely peacefully, but was resting enough… and all Collins could do was pray that another nightmare would not make itself present. Angel could not handle another one… not a third one in one day. If patterns continued, and the frequency of nightmares grew, it wouldn't be hard to make the connection that Mercy would be a reason for it. And that would just make things worse. More complicated.

He slipped under the sheets and reached up and turned the lamp off; darkness quickly blanketing the room into visual nothingness. Reaching over and giving Angel the physical comfort he obviously needed and wanted seemed a little inappropriate now… his body language wasn't exactly receptive. Still… right now, Collins needed the warmth. The love. So he turned onto his side and scuffled around just enough to move over to Angel and slipped his muscular arm around his lover's torso. The skin was warm and delicate… soft… though the muscles were tense, Angel was sleeping soundly. He moved only a little, in a dozy haze he murmured something incoherent and shift enough to fit against Collins' body perfectly. They were in sync with each other; a perfect match… right now though, they weren't on the same page emotionally, and until Angel decided to open up entirely, it was gonna stay like that. Angel didn't like to be a burden on anyone; especially on the man he loved… that selfless attitude could hinder his recovery as much as it could assist him. Maybe even more so. Angel then fell straight back to sleep after barely being awoken, and Collins kissed the back of his neck and within minutes had also been taken into slumber.

**2 HOURS LATER**

The movement and tiny sounds were what awoke him; but the tiny whimpers were what caught his attention and Collins bolted straight up, letting go of Angel in the process. The darkness did not go away, with exception from the small red light emitted from the radio clock at the side of the bed. 3:36 AM. The first thing that would be understandably running through his mind, knowing that Angel was still in the same position next to him, was that there was an intruder. A foreign entity in the sanctity of their small apartment. It's that kind of feeling you get when you break out from being in that deep sleep, and then in that position of being between slumber and consciousness, when you didn't know what was going on and the world was spinning. Slowly, though, it came to a halt and full focus returned to him and Collins stared around in the darkness- if it weren't Angel moving around, then there could be only one other possibility.

"Mercy?"

Another whimper.

"You okay, little girl?"

"I didn't mean to wake you up…" her soft voice broke the darkness. "I got scared."

He reached behind him, and turned the lamp on and the brightness that filled the room was a sharp contrast to what his eyes were used to, and squinted. It took a few seconds, but after the blurriness and swirls of light and darkness cleared, there enough stood Mercy at the end of the bed, wearing one of Angel's old, old t-shirts. Even in the dim lighting, those eyes of hers sparkled with fear and anticipation; with hope and the desire for comfort. Collins blinked a few times and assessed what he was happening as best as his sleep-deprived state of mind could do.

"What?"

"I got scared," she repeated. "Can I stay here please?"

"Yeah, sure…" he scooted over away from Angel just as Mercy climbed onto the bed and crawled over to them. Angel still didn't stir during this mild commotion and Mercy settled herself in between them, tucking her legs underneath the blankets. It was cute to see and she had no qualms about it either; she was more comfortable with them. Collins adjusted the blanket so she was covered just enough to be warm and then, much to his surprise, as Mercy laid down against the pillow, she turned on her side and cuddled closer to him. _Okay…_ he thought. _This isn't supposed to fucking be happening! Why does she have to be so friggen cute? No surprise it works on Angel, but still!_ Collins never wanted kids and never expected to be in a position to be looking after them. This wasn't supposed to be happening!

He returned the gestured and put his arm around her. Angel was much better at this than he was._ Okay, now God's fucking messing with me now…_

"Thank you," Mercy whispered. "For everything."

"Sure, hon. No problem."

_Sure… no God damn problem!_

"Really?"

"Yeah. Get some sleep, Merc. We'll figure this out in the morning."

"'Kay. Night, night!"

"Night."

Collins' resistance to her was slowly crumbling, but it was hard for him to just totally ditch the lifestyle and values he carried with him for over half his life. Having a child around had shaken things up beyond proportion and nothing was gonna be the same… whatever was going to happen, he just could not let it go. Mercy's head rested on his chest and rose and fell with each contraction and relaxation of his lungs from each breath. Her little arm draped over his stomach. This was something no one ever saw coming.

**THE NEXT MORNING – 9:07 AM**

Collins opened his eyes; the light of the new morning sneaking into the room from around the edges of the curtains. A beautiful, yet cold day it would be. And no work. Fuck it, he'll call in sick or something.

"Well, if there was ever a cuter Kodak moment…" Angel giggled, zipping up his jeans. Mercy was still in Collins' arms and it really was an adorable moment… which made this all the more difficult, not less.

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. Collins barely moved an inch to sit up, but quickly stopped himself; the movement would awaken the little girl. And he and Angel had quite a bit to talk about. "How you feeling, baby?"

"Fine. Good. Great." Angel grinned. It may seem like a front, but Angel was not the kind of person to fake anything, especially with Collins, and waking up to the sight of Mercy and Collins in such a beautiful, sweet way it was endearing… and all his problems disappeared. All it did was emphasis that a beautiful child had waltzed into their lives and she had no intention of leaving, so it was a relief. Angel knew Collins would wanna talk more about the dream, and he was prepared to do so… today would be a day when they would get to know her better.

Angel slipped a white t-shirt over his head and pulled it down, adjusting it to fit his well-toned, slender body; turning his back to Collins and smirking, knowing his lover was enjoying the view and was working it. The sun rays hitting his body in patterns molded by the shape of the curtains only made Collins want him more.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, honey. And when did this happen?" Angel pointed at Mercy.

"You were sleeping."

"Yeah, I guessed that!"

Collins shrugged and yawned. "She couldn't sleep; she was scared so I thought it was okay she could stay with us."

After finishing tying up the shoelaces on his sneakers, Angel stood up straight and turned around… Collins was still resisting Mercy, emotionally. He didn't wanna get too attached as he was sure that in a few days everything would be resolved and she would no longer be with them. Mercy wasn't letting him, though… unintentionally she was pulling him into her world; her innocence was glowing and enchanting. And Angel was basically an older, more corrupted version of her but they shared the same loving spirit… no wonder it was so hard! If he couldn't resist the beauty of his Angel, then it would be next to impossible to resist a five-year-old version of him.

Angel walked around to Collins' side of the bed and sat on the side of it, linking hands.

"Tom, its okay… stop trying to resist her…"

"She's basically a five-year-old version of you, Ang! It's getting harder, even knowing that she might not be here for much longer. We can't get attached!"

"You can't help who you fall in love with, sweetie. You and I both know that! Hell, we've had to live by that idea for as long as we came out. It's okay to love her."

"She trusts too much… she barely knows us…"

"This only tells us that she did go through hell! And we can spare her from going through more of it, even for a little bit!" Angel looked at the curled up girl in the centre of the bed, looking so tiny next to the muscular frame of the college professor. "Everyone needs to be loved. She doesn't have anyone… but still, someone should care. Someone should cry for her."

Angel's words were soft and elegant… his gentle spirit caressing each word, giving it a loving, warm feeling that could be felt and heard even in sleep, as the sides Mercy's lips tugged into a small smile. Beauty was never more felt in terms of love than it was now… physical beauty not withstanding anymore, it didn't exist in comparison to the glow of Mercy. Her namesake means compassion. And she deserved much more than that, Angel knew, even Collins knew that…

"I just don't know if we're doing the right thing, baby. You and I are the last people on earth who should be raising a kid!"

Angel shrugged and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Personally I think Roger and Mimi are the last ones on the planet who should raise a kid. He's a cynical bastard and she's a junkie—"

"_Recovered_!"

"Right, she knows I love her. Anyway, my point is that I think you don't give us enough credit… we're good people, Tom! We can love her. That's all she needs!" he got up and walked over to the window and tugged on the end of the curtain, effectively pulling it to the side and light flooded the room; again Collins had to squint to prevent his eyes from flaming due to the blaze of sudden change in light dynamics.

"Angel, this is a total commitment. We get into this and there's no going back…"

Angel giggled again and skipped over to the bed and cupped Collins' face in his hands. "I think we're already way into this, baby. It'll work. I know it!" he moved to leave the room to start some breakfast for all of them when Collins called to him.

"Angel?"

"Hmm?" he turned around.

"You gonna tell me about that dream, right?"

"Mmmhmm…"

"You gonna be okay?"

"Mmmhmm…"

"Angel—"

"I promise, sweetie!" Angel flashed his most charmingly beautiful smile for added reassurance, which was genuine. It didn't take much to break Angel back into being happy and normal (or as normal as Angel could be); you just had to know how. Examples of beauty and life together was a way to do it; like seeing the picturesque scene of Collins caring for a small child in his arms; it was an unlikely but very sweet image that warmed Angel's whole spirit for the day. "Don't ya believe me?"

Risking waking Mercy up, Collins reluctantly sat up a little and prepared to leave the warmth and comfort of the bed and pushed some of the covers off. He looked down to see if Mercy had been disturbed – she hadn't and so it was presumably safe to keep moving to get up, and he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Collins let his feet touch the floor, and shuddered at the sudden coldness, though it quickly subsided. Angel was at the other side of the room, examining his appearance in the mirror. His vanity was his vice, sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. Collins stood up straight and adjusted the blankets to keep Mercy warm, but other than that paid her little attention (as horrible as that sounds) – instead, he was focused on his lover, who was giving himself the once-over to make sure he looked as good as possible. Collins smirked and rounded the bed to join his lover, seductively wrapping his strong arms around Angel's waist and kissing the back of his neck; letting his tongue smoothly glide of the warm, tender skin… Angel giggled and squealed at the touch, momentarily forgetting that there was a child in the room and fell back against his love. To Collins, Angel looked too good to _not_ want at this time and it wasn't as if Angel was going to refuse him anyway… Collins proceeded to kiss the back of his neck while linking his fingers with Angel's. Their mirror images reflecting the love and passion they both were experiencing was something that was not to be forgotten – from what they saw, staring back at them, was love and the desire for something more than just flirting and teasing… and it was that reflection that also reminded them of that there was a third party in the room; for in that same reflection they both saw the small lump in the centre of the bed, the small, sleeping body of a child who needed them. Suddenly that passion wavered a little, and Angel pulled Collins' arms around him further, smiling a little.

"We're doing the right thing, Tom…"

Collins rolled his eye and dropped his head onto Angel's shoulder. "Yeah, yeah… I'm sure you won't be thinking that when it comes to more… intimate… times," he kissed him again. Angel pouted; he didn't need Collins teasing him and making the decision even worse. True, their sex life wouldn't be able to be expressed as often as they were accustomed to, but keeping his eyes on the reflection of Mercy only furthered strengthened his affirmation that this was the right thing to do. Angel never had the love of family when he needed it most; and now the opportunity had arisen where he and Collins could give a little girl, in her time of need, the love and care she needed at least until they knew what to do with her. Collins' reluctance kept Angel firmly planted on the ground, in touch with reality. But it was his own spirit that wanted this as well. They were doing the right thing. _We are…_

"Collins," Angel turned around and wrapped his arms around Collins' neck; breathing against his skin. "There is nothing that'll ever keep me from giving you what you… _need_…" he winked and teasingly kissed Collins' lightly. "And you know I never break my promises, especially when it comes to you and me in the bedroom."

"Uh huh, we'll see," Collins chuckled. "When it comes to you playing 'mommy' with Mercy… anyway, I believe you. I trust you know what you're doing. It'll just take me a little longer is all."

"I understand, baby, I do!" Angel insisted. "And I hope you know that I _really_, _really_ appreciate this! And I love you forever for it!"

"Please, you'd love me forever anyway!"

"Oh shush, you!"

"Why don't you… make me…"

"Fucking tease."

"You like it."

"_That's_ beside the point…"

"No it's not!"

"Uh huh!"

"This is getting very immature, _Angel_…"

"I wouldn't have it any other way, darling!"

Why did Angel have to be so darn cute all the time? Any resistance on Collins' part was being worn away until he was at the stage where he had to have the beautiful younger man he was holding and he looked over to the open door across from them. He grinned and grabbed Angel's arm and dragged him away from the mirror.

"Hey! What—" Angel started to protest but found himself unable (and unwilling) to resist and Collins pulled them both into the bathroom and closed the door. Within the span of the same second of closing the door, he turned around and pressed Angel by the shoulders against it, and proceeded to kiss him passionately yet with care. A soft moan escaping the back of his lover's throat only implored Collins to further the passion and intensity by removing tugging at the bottom of Angel's shirt, a silent indication to his expectations. Without breaking the kiss, Angel started removing the offensive, annoying pieces of material the kept them from exploring the natural beauty that encompassed them both. Reluctantly they pulled back, breaking the kiss only for a second as they removed their clothing, and then went right back to what they were doing. Collins index finger traced down Angel's chest and kept going lower and lower, further south until he reached the top of Angel's jeans, seductively unbuttoning the button.

"Off," Angel muttered in the tiny breathing space between them. Collins knew exactly what he meant, and within seconds they had almost completely removed each other of their clothing, and the teacher cupped Angel's face in his hands and approached him this time with a little more tenderness, savoring the moment in which they wouldn't be experiencing as often if it came down to it that Mercy would, in fact, be living with them. Angel responded with soft whimpers; no one could make him melt like this and they were gonna take however long they had before the kid woke up. The kisses deepened and their tongues met together and mingled, both breathing in each other's taste and smell; Angel's hand crept around to the back of Collins' neck as he was pressed further into the door, his leg wrapping around his lover's and bringing them as close together as physically possible; no longer did any space exist between them, physically, and together they were entwined in a passion and love that was binding. With the force of pressing himself against Angel, Collins lifted him off the ground only a few inches. Being sandwiched between his lover and the door, Angel gripped Collins' back, lightly digging his nails in an impassioned embrace. His other hand slid down the to Collins' hipbone and lovingly stroked his side, tempting them both to go further, though needed little provocation. "If you're planning on going to work today, you'd better go now," Angel warned. "Otherwise I'm not letting you leave."

"Hmm…" Collins moaned and kissed him along his jaw line, to his ear and his nibbled Angel's ear and his tongue explored the area. "Is that a challenge, my love?"

"It can be… will it keep you here?"

"Mmm…"

**45 MINUTES LATER**

Mercy slid out of bed and bit her lip, nervously. Angel and Collins were no where to be found, at least not in this room – why would they leave her here? Where were they? It only took a second for her to adjust to the cold floor and her petite ness meant she made very little noise as she walked around the bed and over to the centre of the room. She looked around. It wasn't different from the day before but she felt more comfortable being here… sleeping between Angel and Collins that night was a comfort. But now they were no where to be found and she grew nervous. The door to her right was closed, but the door to the hallway was still open from when she had opened it last night, so she walked over there thinking that maybe they had gone out into the next room. Her tiny fingers curled around the side of the door and she pushed it open just a little further and crossed the threshold into the hallway; it was still relatively dark, being winter the sun was lest penetrating as it was in the summer and she took her time, looking around. To the left was the door to the guest room where Angel and Collins put her the night before; understandably she was scared to be left alone and that's why she joined them during the night. Mercy brushed some hair out of her face and placed one foot directly in front of the other, staying in the centre of the hallway. She wasn't scared, just cautious. Mercy didn't wanna get anyone mad for waking them up or disturbing them in anyway – her apprehension was normal given the years of abuse.

Walking into the living room; it was dark with exception for a little bit of sunlight peeping through… the curtains were drawn, and everything was quiet. The clock on the wall said it was approaching 10:00 AM, so it wasn't too early to be up. It was a modest apartment; the living room was comforting and inviting. Mercy walked over to the television, and hesitated… should she turn it on? What harm could it do? Angel and Collins were off somewhere else, and she wouldn't be causing any trouble – in fact, she'd be avoiding trouble by staying there. Figuring that she wouldn't get in trouble, the five year old pressed the larger button in the top corner of the television and a second later, it switched on to the soft sounds of someone talking. Another second passed and the images appeared on the screen. It was a news program, she saw. Pouting, dissatisfied with the program, she looked around for the remote control. News was boring. At least to a child. Mercy spotted the remote control on the side of the sofa and she skipped over to the sofa and crawled onto it. Settling herself into a comfortable position, she crossed her legs and grabbed the remote and pressed the button marker 'channel up'. The channel switched to another news program and Mercy scrunched up her face.

"Boring," she muttered and pressed the button again. Talk show. "Nuh-uh." And again. Cartoons! Her pouting disappeared and was replaced by a smile. Bugs Bunny! "Yay!"

She placed the remote control aside and grinned, clasping her hands in her lap and settled into getting lost into a world of cartoons, watching Elmer Fudd chase Bugs Bunny all over the cartoon landscape; the bunny foiling all his feeble schemes at getting rid of him. She giggled and clapped along with it; laughing at all the comical situations they got themselves into. Mercy had remembered watching these cartoons at her foster family's places, one of the only few leisurely activities they allowed her to do as it kept her busy and out of their way. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck were her favourite characters at all, and it wasn't hard to figure out why… Bugs was always getting himself into trouble but never got punished for it. He never got caught; always got away. When she was with the family, she was constantly wishing that she didn't get into trouble and always getting punished for no reason.

Mercy sat back against the back of the sofa and watched Bugs again get away from Elmer, and she clapped.

"Go Bugs!" she cried happily, a little louder than she intended, but she didn't care. She was having fun. It had been close to a year since she had seen any cartoons and now she was watching her favourite character bouncing around the screen. "What's up doc?" she imitated the bunny after he repeated his famous catchphrase, known to millions of adults and children all around the room. Mercy loved it. She toyed with her long red hair and hummed softly, her eyes not leaving the screen… television was a wonderful escape for her. There was nothing else in her world now than the cartoon and her. But then…

_knock, knock, knock!_

Mercy froze. What was that? Silence greeted her question with no answer and she kept still for a few more seconds… nothing. Reluctantly, she went back to watching the cartoon and hummed again, letting herself forget what had just happened, but not for long.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

The knocking was a little louder this time, and Mercy gasped, trembling with fear and did not dare to move. A soft sob echoed her fears and she gripped the sofa, wishing that she could sink back into it and hide from whatever – or _whoever_ – was knocking on the door on the other side of the room. Her fingers began to hurt from the harshness from which she was holding onto the material she was sitting on and in her mind she was screaming for it to go away. _Please go, please go, please go… don't hurt me…_

_BANG, BANG, BANG!_

Mercy jumped and almost screamed when the knocking turned to banging; which could only tell her of hostility and an unfriendly nature, her perceptions severely mangled from the trauma she had suffered over the years. Her trembling turned to shaking uncontrollably and tears welled in her eyes, she coughed. Where were they? Angel and Collins weren't around to protect her, even though they both promised her that they'd never let anything happen to her! It wasn't fair! They broke their promise, just like every adult she had ever met in her life had hurt her and never kept promises to love and take care of her! Where were they? Mercy bit her lip again. Answering the door was not an option, for what lay on the other side would surely be nothing but of a harmful nature to her, right?

"ANGEL?" a voice boomed. "COLLINS? What the hell are you two doing?"

"I can only guess," a softer, less distinct voice answered. There were two people! But Mercy was sure she knew where the first one came from, and struggled to remember who it was. It was deep and rough…

"Angel? Collins? Come on, open the door!" the second voice continued. "We know you're home!"

"I think Collins is still pissed at me for yesterday…"

"Whatever, he'll be over it…"

Then it hit her. The first voice she heard, the deep one, it was that Roger person from yesterday! Of course, that didn't make her fears go away as he was the one who scared her senseless and whom Collins almost got into a fight with yesterday, so her incentive to open the door wasn't any greater than the second before.

"Angel?" Roger called. "Mark, she said they'd be here."

"Does it matter? We'll meet them at the Life Café later or something…"

"I wanna settle this with Collins. He was way pissed off when we left yesterday, I dunno, I just wanna get it over with."

"_Fine_…"

Mercy slowly pushed herself off the sofa and didn't move. Standing there, the idea that they might hurt her was remote, considering that Roger person was friends with both Angel and Collins… and they weren't gonna leave until someone opened the door. She walked around the coffee table and within five seconds she had stopped just at the door and looked up. The chain was too high for her to reach, so she looked around for something that could aid her in reaching it. Over by the entrance to the kitchen was a medium-sized stood with a few papers on it, and she ran over to it and pushed the papers off; they scattered on the floor in a small mess (children didn't care to clean up after themselves, of course, so it didn't concern her). Surprisingly she could move it with ease and pulled it behind her, dragging it over to the door and placed it in a specific spot so she could reach the peephole. It wasn't unlike her to disregard safety concerns, she had been doing so for the past year, and thinking of consequences was not the prerogative of a child. Mercy grabbed the stool and stepped up onto the metal design of the stool and pushed herself up slowly, until she was standing on the stool, in a precarious position. Barely at the height of the peephole, Mercy then stood on her toes to get a better look – not something that should be recommended to a child. But with Angel and Collins not around, there was no one else to handle this… Looking through the small hole, she did see Roger standing there, and just behind him was the figure of a blonde guy… who must be the 'Mark' person she heard Roger refer to a few seconds earlier.

"Angel? Collins?"

"Give it up, Roger, they're not home!"

"Give me one more sec," Roger urged and turned back to the door. Mercy reached over for the chain and unlocked it – outside, the two men heard the rattling and sighed with relief. It was about time.

"About damn time!" Roger called. After she finished unlocking the door, she jumped down and pushed the stool aside and reached up to door handle. Again, hesitating and not knowing if this was such a good idea, Mercy cried softly but proceeded to open the door. Roger's and Mark's jaws dropped and instantly, they regretted the ruckus they caused beforehand.

"Hi," was the child's simple greeting. Mark came closer and stood next to his friend.

"This is the little girl?"

A nod.

"Mercy?"

Another nod.

"Whoa…"

Another nod.

She didn't seem scared, but was more so confused and a little distant. Roger looked into the apartment and saw that Angel and Collins weren't anywhere around – and knowing them as well as he did, and the intense reaction he got from them when he challenged their decision to keep this little girl, there was no way they'd leave her on her own. They had to be somewhere. He knelt down.

"Uhh, hey… Mercy, right?"

She nodded.

"Remember me?" he tried, and didn't know how to _not_ scare her further – what experience did he have with children? Not a lot... not for a while, at least, since he helped raise his siblings. Again, Mercy nodded and didn't say anything, and she even took a step back with fear – she remembered yesterday all too well. "Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to scare you… we won't hurt you, I promise, okay? We're friends of Angel and Collins, this is Mark…" he pointed up to the filmmaker, who had no words for the moment and could only smile at her. She didn't return the gesture, but stood her ground. Roger tried again…

"Umm… honey, where's Angel or Collins? They around?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I can't find them."

Okay… that was weird. They wouldn't leave her alone – as stupid this decision was, to him, Roger knew his friends all too well and they were responsible from what he saw, with this child. Mark also knelt down.

"You mean you're here alone?"

Again, she shrugged. Roger then looked further into the relatively quiet apartment with exception from what he thought to be the television. "Can we come in?"

Mercy stepped aside immediately, and it was strange to them how she didn't put up a struggle – like she had given up. Both Mark and Roger stepped into the apartment and sure enough, getting a further view of the place, it did appear that Mercy was the only one here. Mark closed the door behind him, and Mercy instantly took an interest into that cool-looking thing that was hanging from a strap over his shoulder.

"What's that?" she asked, sitting on the coffee table.

"This?"

"Yeah."

"It's my camera. I take cool pictures with it."

"Can I see?"

"Uhh… sure…" Mark walked over to her and gave her the camera; normally he wouldn't, but she was obviously delicate enough as it is. He didn't want to antagonize the situation for her further, especially since her body language clearly indicated that she wasn't comfortable yet with Roger. Roger had told him what happened, so he knew why, and given the experience he had with his younger sisters, Mark knew how to handle a little girl. First thing was, to get her trust, and he sat down next to her hoping she wouldn't break the camera. But Mercy was careful with it, knowing that it was probably expensive… her little fingers touched the exterior of it and turned it over for a closer inspection. This was way cool, she decided. "Like it?"

"Yeah. Does it take lots and lots of pictures?"

"Yep. Very pretty ones."

"What do you take pictures of?"

"Everything, I guess. Stuff that interests me."

"Can you take a picture of me?"

Mark was astonished at how quickly this child warmed up to him. She was genuinely intrigued by the camera and how it works, and she gave it back to him and looked up with a blindingly cute smile that could turn even the hardest of hearts. Roger uncomfortably shifted his weight and watched the scene unfold… there wasn't much chance she would take to him like she did with Mark, Angel, and Collins, not that he could blame her. If she had been hurt as badly as Angel told him she had been, then he probably didn't make things easier on her by going off at them like he did. Either way, he wanted to know where the hell his friends were – even he wouldn't be so irresponsible to leave a child on it's own.

"Sure," Mark agreed and took the camera from her little hands, and removed the lens cap. "Wanna get up and do something?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Dance. Sing. Do something Angel and Collins would _really_ like."

"Okay!"

The mere mention of doing something for them was enough to get the kid on her feet and she turned to face the camera. Mark readied it and held it up to capture this spirited little girl in whatever way she wanted – what an ice breaker this was!

"What do I do?"

"Do whatever you like," he told her and started recorded, and she waved at it.

"Hi Angel, hi Collins!" she grinned at the camera. "This is lots and lots of fun, and um… uh…" she frowned in deep thought and then looked past the camera at Mark. "What's your name?"

Mark chuckled and Roger snorted, trying not to burst out laughing… that was cute… she looked so confused.

"Mark," he told her, smiling. "I'm Mark."

"Yeah!" she giggled and looked into the camera once more. "Mark let me play with his camera and it's really, really pretty! AHHHH!" she squealed and clasped her hands over her mouth, the excitement getting the better of her. It was then that the two men almost lost it completely when she started dancing with no music or anything, and waved her arms around, jumping up and down, acting like a normal kid. Wow, Roger wasn't kidding when he said she was adorable, and it was difficult at all for him to see why Angel and Collins took such a shine to her. Mercy was the definition of cuteness! After another thirty or so seconds of dancing around and acting silly, she stopped and sat back down in the same place on the coffee table and Mark shut the camera off.

"Do you think they'll like it?" she asked.

"Of course they will!" Mark assured. "With your cuteness and my filmmaking talent, they'll love it!"

She laughed and crossed her legs. Roger looked around once more.

"Speaking of which," he added. "Mercy, you sure you have no idea where they are?"

"No. I woke up and they weren't there."

"They still sleeping?"

Mercy shrugged and tugged at her sleeve. "I don't know. I got scared last night and went to stay in their room and Collins let me stay in their room and then I woke up today and they weren't there!"

"That's strange…" Mark muttered. "Rog, I thought you said they were all over her?"

"They were."

"So why'd they leave her?"

"I have no fu—" he stopped short of swearing, catching himself before scarring the kid further. "I have no idea, man. I'll go check the rest of the apartment."

**MEANWHILE**

Making love in the bathroom wasn't a new experience for either of them, as they weren't shy to 'expressing their love' anywhere they could get away with it, and for them it was enough to make them forget that it was in fact just past ten in the morning and that Roger and Mark were scheduled to come over – and also that they had Mercy sleeping in the next room. Now, they had just finished and were slipping back into their clothes. Collins gazed at the beauty of Angel, zipping up his jeans once more and then picked his t-shirt up off the floor which had made up the collective pile of clothing from when they had shed themselves of the inhibitive material. Well, that was a satisfying session, a mixture of tender lovemaking which then turned into a more… excited, intense turn… and then the rest of the time was spent cuddling and kissing, and to be defined in the old term 'making out'. The consummation of their undying love and passion that continued to burn brighter than the sun was a truly beautiful act upon their desires, and with this new addition to their household, they would have to be more careful as to where, when, and how they would continue it. Up until now their sex life had been pretty active – okay, I lied, it was _very_ active.

Collins finished getting into his sweats and then joined Angel at the counter.

"Better?"

Angel looked up and grinned. "You were amazing as usual, baby. Need anymore validation?"

"Oh sweetheart, I need none. And neither did you…" he kissed Angel's soft lips. "I love you."

"And I love you," Angel returned the kissed. "Oh man that was good… great… fucking amazing!"

"Well, I try," the corners of his mouth tugged into a small, satisfied smile at the words of complete satisfaction. Angel was happy, so that means he was. "Of course, we'll be continuing this later…"

"Oh really, _professor_?"

"Oh yes, Ms. Schunard… trust me…"

"And why should I do that?" Angel challenged, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"If you misbehave, you'll be punished severely…" Collins darkly taunted, in a domineering manner.

"Oooh, promise? You mean, I'd get a spanking?"

"Only if you're _really_ bad…"

"Then I guess I'll have to just be… bad…"

"I love you, my kinky Angel…"

"I know, I know," Angel laughed. "Who can resist me?"

The two continued to flirt and Collins again dared not show any self control (not that he could anyway in these circumstances), and within two seconds his hands were on Angel's rear end and he lifted the petite drag queen up and onto the counter, and Angel's arms were around his neck and their lips connected again; heat rushing away from some parts of their bodies straight to their lips and other areas (if you know what I mean). As this second round of passion that would surely lead to another round of love making gathered momentum, neither were prepared for what was to happen next.

_Knock, knock, knock_

Both jumped, and Angel let out a sharp shriek in shock and, ended up almost kneeing Collins in the groin.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Sorry!"

"Angel? Collins?"

Roger?

The door opened as the two lovers scrambled to recompose themselves and Roger walked into the bathroom and again, his jaw dropped a mile and almost ran into Collins – both him and Angel were looking pretty disheveled and it was pretty clear what they had been doing.

"Oh my God…" he muttered and turned to leave. Okay, this was friggen embarrassing…

"Uh, hey Rog!" Angel cheerily wanted to distract him from the scene and jumped off the counter, frantically straightening out his clothes. "Wait!"

"What for?" Roger snapped, storming back into their bedroom and turning around. Angel quickly followed while Collins hung back a bit. "It's pretty clear that you two want some privacy!"

"Rog, we didn't mean for you too… we forgot you guys were… we—"

"Ang, do me a favour a shut up!"

"Hey!" Collins wasn't one to stand back and watch anyone have a go at his Angel, no matter who it was. "Roger back off, okay? She said—"

"I know what she said!" Roger cut him off, angrily. "And what's pissing me off is that you two were in there having sex while Mercy was wandering around wondering where the hell you two have been, she's the one who had to let me and Mark in! What the fuck were you thinking?"

Angel and Collins both froze. Fuck. They hadn't even thought about Mercy being awake, since she had been sleeping like a rock when they left her in bed! _Oh shit…_ Angel's mind was racing. _Did she hear us?_ Angel's next wish was to go find little Mercy and hug her and say sorry over and over again.

"Shit…" Collins muttered. "Where is she?"

"She's out there, sitting with Mark, playing with his camera… he's recorded her for you."

"Wait, she's playing with Mark?"

"Uh-huh. She's taken a shine to him…"

Collins eyed him, suspiciously. "You've changed your tune…"

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? I was just shocked. Anyway, I think I've scared her enough, not intentionally… fuck, man I can't believe you were fucking in the bathroom while the kid was sleeping only feet away!"

"We thought she was sleeping!" Collins insisted.

"Pretty hard for her to after that," Angel muttered mischievously, but was quickly silenced with a stern look from his lover. "I'm just gonna go see her…" he then hurried from the room leaving the two volatile men facing each other. Yes, Collins felt guilty because Mercy was the one who had to open the door to two relative strangers and had woken up to an apparent empty apartment. And that guilty feeling translated to an expression Roger could read, and instead of saying anything Collins barely flickered his eyes to meet his friend's before turning and following Angel's lead. This was way too complicated.

**BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM**

Angel pulled back a little but continued to hold onto Mercy and kissed her cheek and the child didn't know why she was so upset. Nothing bad had happened. She looked past Angel look and saw Collins walk into the room and she smiled.

"Hi Collins."

He returned the smile. "Hey, baby. Sleep well?"

"Yup! Thank you for letting me stay with you last night…"

"No problem. Feel better?"

"Yup."

Roger joined Mark in the room, who was still a little taken back by this whole situation and Mercy held onto Angel.

"Where were you and Angel when I woke up?" she asked. Collins almost choked on his own breath. She hadn't heard? True, this time he and Angel made a kind of effort to be a little - ahem - quieter… a bit more discreet. The knowledge of a little girl in the next room was implanted in the back of their minds, but still… she hadn't heard anything? Wow…

"You… you didn't know we were still here?" Angel softly asked, just as stunned as Collins. Both of them knew that what they had done wasn't probably listed as a sensible thing in the parenting guide and could only imagine what would've happened should she have walked in on them. Mercy shook her head.

"Nope. Were you sleeping?"

Angel breathed a silent sigh of relief and pulled her into his arms again; Mercy was more than willing to hug him and Collins came over to them, but not before exchanging glances with Mark and Roger. His and Angel's desires got the best of them and from now on they'd have to be a lot more careful. Mercy held up her arms and Collins picked her up with a lot of ease, and settled her in his arms.

"Angel and I…" he told her. "We were just, um… a little busy, sweetheart. K?"

"Oh okay." She kissed his cheek and relaxed a little more. Angel turned to Mark.

"So you guys had a bit of fun, I hear," he smiled.

"She wanted to play with the camera," Mark explained. "Show you the footage at the Café. Speaking of which… is she coming?"

"Of course, Markie! You wouldn't think we'd leave her alone, would you?"

"No comment."

"Ha, ha!"

"Well be there later, guys," Collins told them. "Give us an hour."

"Sure," Roger agreed and headed for the door. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah."

Roger didn't look entirely convinced, but took Collins on his word and waved for Mark to follow him, which he did.

"Bye, bye," Mercy waved after them.

"Bye, Mercy," Mark told her. "Nice to meet you."

After they left, Collins placed the child on the sofa and looked at the television – cartoons. "How long you been up?"

"I dunno. I'm still tired."

"Hey, Collins?" Angel picked up a blanket from off the floor and folded it over the arm of the sofa.

"Yeah?"

"You still going to the Café?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You wanna take her? I got a few things to do?"

"Everything okay?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, just a few things. I won't be long."

Collins didn't press the issue further and trusted Angel to be okay, despite everything, and agreed to take Mercy with him when they were ready. Angel didn't have to do much, but had made a resolution to help his boyfriend out a bit more and was trying hard to keep it. He and Mimi made the vows to do more a few weeks ago, and decided to stay back and wash the remaining clothes that Mercy had worn when they found her, wanting to get it out of the way before he forgot. Afterwards, he would join Collins, Mercy, and their friends at the Life Café for a celebratory get together to celebrate Mimi's kicking of her addiction and being clean for over a year now. And it was a chance for their friends to get to know her better, so why not? It would be fun.

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_ Sorry I meant to keep this chapter shorter but it kinda got away from me lol. And I had intended to include other things, but the story played itself a little differently so in the coming chapter…**

**Angel finds something while washing the remainder of Mercy's clothes. A piece of paper with a name and several numbers. The meaning of it remains a mystery until a chance encounter by Mimi with a patron at the Cat Scratch Club.**


	10. Numbers

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 10: Numbers**

**SUMMARY:**_ **Before joining his friends at the Life Café, Angel decides to hang back and finish washing Mercy's clothing, when he finds something that could and would very well prove vital in finding out more about her and her connection to Samuel Michaels. The meaning of this new information remains a mystery until Mimi goes to work when a friend puts a new spin on things. I was gonna have it that she had a chance encounter with a patron, but that would've meant a whole new storyline would needed to have been developed, and I am just too lazy for that shit right now lol. Just read and review please!**_

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Collins left with little Mercy clutching to his hand only minutes ago, and again Angel was left alone to his thoughts. It was significantly quieter and dull without his boyfriend and the child here; like life had been drained from it… not that the apartment was uncomfortable or dull, but you know Angel. His need to be with people and feel the love and warmth of people he loves and cares for was something that was one of the brightest and most vibrant aspects of his personality. He picked up Mercy's old, tattered sweater and a pair of socks off the side table where he had placed them the day before and looked around… he could take them down to the laundry room downstairs but that place was like an ice box during the winter. Sighing wistfully, Angel made the quick decision to just finish washing them in the bathroom sink – her clothes were small enough and not as dirt-ridden as one would expect an orphaned, homeless child to be wearing. Angel studied the clothing; the rough material between his fingers… it was grainy and textures that were very unhealthy and should be discarded right away, but until he could buy her more suitable clothing (only a few skirts and sweaters) had been purchased but wouldn't sustain her through the winter. With Collins' next paycheck they would buy her some more winter-friendly outfits, so for now they would keep these items just in case. When she left with Collins a few minutes earlier, she was wearing some of the second-hand clothes Angel had just bought her yesterday, but it was obvious that they wouldn't be appropriate for a child to survive a cold winter in New York City.

Angel walked into bathroom, the place where he and Collins had been a few hours earlier, and the context of it was somewhat different now. It was colder and darker. He flicked on the light and made his way to the bathroom sink; plugging it; and then turning the cold water tap on. Mercy's clothes were delicate; but had obviously been through rough times… how anyone, let alone a child, could survive the cold wearing such thin garments was a feat to be commended and admired. Mercy did what she had to do to survive, without returning to the place that multiply inflicted abuse on her. Angel smiled at the thought of having a child around… much of his own personality reflected a child-like innocence that could not be matched except by that of an actual child. In the short time Mercy had been in their lives she had put so much into perspective… much as Angel had done a few years earlier, she breathed life into what society proclaimed to be a dying by-product of a class system that alienated people. Bohemia. Different people united for a single purpose – acceptance.

He turned the tap off and stared into the cool water; the light causing a reflection and for the first time in weeks Angel noticed how more relaxed he was. That could be a good thing, but it also may not be… Mercy's arrival spoke of foreboding consequences that could result in the past revisiting them; and for Angel that was not an option. He barely survived the first time – physically and emotionally. The psychological torture though, could prove this time to be fatal if in fact Angel's fears were to be realized.

He added washing powder to the water and waited a few seconds for it to sink in a dissolve… the blue crystals breaking down as the chemicals reacted with the water. Angel then picked up the sweater and dunked it under the water; the coolness sending a tingling sensation through the tips of his fingers, up his hand. Shivering at the temperature of the water, he proceeded to wash out the stains; effectively using his fingernails to dig into the tougher stains, while muttering under his breath, an imploration for the stains to disappear. Angel shifted weight onto his other leg and sighed again; wanting nothing more than to join Collins and their friends at the café… and seeing Mercy smile and be happy as she was, it made Angel feel better. Maybe things could get better for all of them.  
The stains and dirt started to lift, and the whiteness of the sweater began to show. Angel's smile widened, feeling the satisfaction that he wasn't gonna have to stand here for hours. He then left the sweater in the water to soak for a bit longer, and moved onto the tiny soaks… they were so small, and it was adorable. Angel inspected them… so tiny for tiny feet, with lacing around the edges. They, too, had sustained heavy wear and were in delicate condition.

"Cute," he muttered and lightly toyed with one of them in his hand. But on further inspection, Angel felt something inside the sock, something rough and scrunched up… like paper. He frowned and looked inside it, and sure enough there was an old piece of paper in the bottom; small, like the material it was stuffed into. He dropped the sock on the side of the basin and unfolded the paper. There was writing scribbled on it…

_**Stephanie Sanderson PIN 849237**_

'_**Mika'**_

"Stephanie… Mika?" Angel muttered, notably confused. "What the--?"

Re-reading it three, four, five times didn't help clarify the words anymore than the first time; it was all nonsensical to Angel, there was no context to put it into and whatever it meant, it definitely pertained to Mercy. The PIN was the most confusing thing of all, and… who was Stephanie Sanderson? And who or what is Mika? To Angel, the only thing that could be done was to tell Collins and for them to both as Mercy together. Though whether she would know anything was a different story and the fact that she was so young was another obstacle; she might not remember who gave it to her or when. Angel's chest tightened and his breathing became sharper, and shoved the paper into his left pocket. This was another complication they didn't need. He then put the socks in the water and decided to let the clothes sit there to soak, and would remove them when they got home that night. Right now, he had to get to the Life Café…

**AT THE CAFÉ, WITH COLLINS, MERCY, ROGER, MARK, JOANNE, MAUREEN, AND MIMI… 11:46 AM**

"She is too adorable!" Maureen squealed, watching Mercy pick at her food and stare out the window with a somewhat confused expression. She chewed her sandwich slowly, sitting on Collins' lap, thinking deeply, and not really noticing or caring about the conversations going on around her. Adult conversations were boring to a child, so she wasn't paying much attention – like Angel, Mercy had a tendency to disconnect and exist in her own world at times.  
Collins sipped his coffee and rolled his eyes – his friends were completely overreacting to this whole thing, though Mark and Roger were the ones who seemed calmer. Mimi, too. Joanne had been completely taken by surprise by this and was still having trouble accepting that there, on the professor's lap was a child as innocent and sweet as God intended, yet had seemingly been unaffected, but has seen and knows so much of, the tormented world around her. A normal child would be so scared to suddenly be surrounded by strangers… but she wasn't. In fact, Mercy seemed to enjoy it… even revel in it.

"How old is she again?" Joanne asked.

"Five."

"You know you can't keep her, right? She's not a pet…"

"I _know_, Joanne!" Collins snapped, stroking the child's hair. "Trust me, its Angel you gotta get through to. But she had no where to go, what were we supposed to do?"

"Um… take her to the police?"

"Yeah, so they can dump her back in the foster home she ran away from to begin with?"

"That's _if_ you believe she's telling the truth…"

"Why would a five year old make up something like that?" Mimi challenged her.

"Maybe if she felt like she wanted more attention…"

"She was cold and hungry and tired," Collins explained. "Would you have done any different?"

Joanne sighed – being a lawyer; she knew the potentially devastating legal ramifications that could threaten Angel and Collins if they decided to pursue a path without going through the appropriate legal avenues. But she shook her head. "No… I guess not…" she turned her attention to the little girl who was still staring out the window, not paying them any attention. She was waiting for Angel to come, and picked up her soda… she sucked on the straw and shivered at the chilled liquid running down her throat and looked up at Collins and smiled.

"Cold." She whispered.

"You okay?" he replied, pulling her closer to him to wrap his coat around her further. Mercy snuggled against him and nodded. The others watched the interaction; all of them still finding it strange that their friend could have such paternal instincts. The little girl trusted him.

"Where's Angel?"

"She'll be here soon, sweetheart," Mimi told her, rubbing her arm.

"This is fucking weird," Mark muttered, shaking his head.

"It's their funeral," Roger replied. "They got themselves into this…"

"I heard that," Collins said. "Back the hell off, okay?"

"_Sorry_," Roger defensively said. His reservations about this weren't gonna lift any time soon, and the look on Joanne's face told him that legally was a tedious thing and they could be in a lot of trouble. Meanwhile Joanne was sitting there, thinking how she could possibly work this if they got in trouble and turned to her for help. Maureen rested her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

"You okay, pookie?"

"Hmm…"

"What does 'hmm' mean?"

"It means I hope they don't screw this up. They can be in heaps of trouble…"

Maureen laughed. "Sooo uptight! This is so awesome, Joanne! They're parents!"

Everyone stopped talking and looked at her – she said that a little louder than she probably should have.

"What?" she continued. "It's true! I mean its sooo adorable! Collins, honey I think you and Angel will make the _best_ parents…"

"Um, I hate to disappoint you, Mo, but we—"

"Yeah, yeah I get it," she interrupted. "But it's still an awesome idea, though don't you think? The kid already has Angel's attitude!"

Mercy leaned further against the window, still looking for Angel, and Collins let her sit up further to get a better look. Finally, after another few minutes had passed and the people around the table fell back into their multiple conversations, she saw the now-familiar figure turn the corner and she squealed and happily jumped on Collins; who let out a cry from the sudden impact of the weight jumping up and down on him.

"Oww! Merc, what you doing?"

"Angel!" she pointed. Collins faked an excited smile, but was secretly gritting his teeth and rubbing his thigh which caught the most damage from her excited ness.

"That's great, sweetie… why don't you go a meet her…" he then helped her off him and she squeezed past Mimi and Roger. Mimi held the child's arms to balance her until both feet were firmly planted on the ground and as soon as she was stable, Mercy took off in the direction of the Café's door, ducking and weaving her way around other customers, and quickly disappeared through the door.

"Well that was unexpected," Roger said. "She's already so attached to Angel…"

"They're so much alike," Mark pointed out and all of them watched the tiny child reappear moments later on the other side of the glass, and she ran over to Angel, who greeted her with his arms open and enveloped her in a hug, lifting her up into his arms. "How can a child be so trusting?"

"Trust me, I've wanted to know that for a while now," Collins told him. "That's the problem. I'm terrified that if she does have to go back, then it'll be hard to separate them. Angel's fallen in love with her already." They silently watched the interaction between Angel and Mercy; and it was unanimous that Collins was right in his observations. The drag queen and the child were very comfortable in each others presence, and that could present itself to be a problem. Collins knew, and was more willing to accept, that there could be potentially bad consequences should he let Mercy stay with them. But at the same time, the intense emotional attachment that both he and Angel have already developed with the little girl was way too deep to just let go and forget about; and it was clear just how much she already wanted to stay. She never had a so-called 'normal' environment to grow up in… what was normal to her was the bohemian world, so why not let her stay? They wouldn't hurt her and she'd be safe, secure, and most importantly _feel_ it. There were an equal weight of pros and cons, and sitting there watching his lover get so excited to see the little girl, giving her hugs and kisses… warmth and love… the decision seemed one to be easy to make. Mercy was gonna stay, no matter what happened.

"I knew it…" Mimi whispered, with a sly smile, effectively bringing Collins out of the deep trenches of his thoughts.

"What?"

"She's staying, isn't she?"

He looked away from them; unable to give a verbal response… because it seemed if he replied either way, then there would be consequences. That it would seal the deal. But his silence only did more to confirm Mimi's comment, not hold onto a neutral position and she smirked.

"Wow…"

Mark pointed the camera towards the window, intent on capturing this sweet moment on film. Angel was genuinely happy; and it would be a good moment to immortalize on film for eternity. There would be rough times ahead; the other problem being that both Angel and Collins have AIDS. They wouldn't be around forever to stay with the child, and if they were going to keep her, then that meant she would need memories. Moments she could relate to. No doubt his and Angel's mortality had crossed Collins' mind too, and it worried him… the fact of the matter is this: out of both of them, Angel would most likely to die first, as his illness was in far more progressed stages that Collins'. But when it comes to AIDS, it's best not to take chances. Angel taught them all to live for the moment and not worry about the future, but when it comes to the welfare of a child it was hard not to.  
He turned the camera on and filmed the next few seconds, keeping the camera as steady as possibly. Angel whispered something in Mercy's ear, sending the child into a fit of giggles as they approached the entrance to the Café. Mark turned the camera off again when they went out of view to come inside, and replaced the lens cap again. That was some good, quality footage. A second later, Angel walked still caring Mercy and approached the table surrounded by his six friends.

"Hey!"

"Angel!" Mimi jumped up and threw her arms around Angel, hugging them both. "Good to see you, chica!"

"Oh I know, Mims, I know" Angel gushed, melodramatically, setting Mercy back down on the floor. He then returned the hug and turned to his friends.

"Hey guys… hi sweetie!" he added, winking at Collins.

The others, including his boyfriend, returned the greeting and Joanne scuffled over to give Angel a bit of room to sit down, which he did as Mimi returned to her seat. Angel pulled Mercy onto his lap and whispered something into her ear. A grin spread across her face and she nodded, happily, and Collins handed her the food that had been ordered for her. Sitting across from her, Mimi watched Angel so carefully, paying attention to how he interacted with Mercy… like any parent or guardian tending to their child, Angel knew the responsibilities that would entail, and certainly wouldn't put her in any danger. It was still very, very strange. Having played dressup with them the day before, Mimi saw close up just how well connecting they were with each other; for Mercy it was as if she had finally found something that she never had, but knew what it was. Maybe it was the same thing as all of them wanted… acceptance. She had never been accepted before, in fact, she had been straight up rejected by most adults in her life.

"Oh my gosh, Angel!"

"Yeah, Maureen?"

"You _have_ to come over tonight and check out the new heels I got, they're so rockin'. I wore it with that gorgeous slinky black dress last night, the one you got me, and oh my God you're _so_ right! I think everyone at Dynasty almost had heart attacks!"

Joanne groaned. She was sick of fighting with Maureen about her indiscretions, and Mark immediately noted that she was so close to giving up on Maureen, but couldn't bring herself to leave her. That's just the kind of person Maureen Johnson was, she could suck you in and also suck the air out of any room she walked in. Angel hid a smile, and rubbed Joanne's arm for support, though continued to listen to Maureen all the same. Together, they ruled the fashion, at least in Alphabet City; they knew _everything_ about shopping for clothes on a budget, but still looking fabulous!

"Mo, you know I'm there, for sure!"

"Oh, and bring Mercy. I think I got something's that would look so hot on her."

"Maureen!" Joanne almost yelled, causing Mercy to jump on Angel's lap. "She's five years old!"

"I didn't mean it like _that_!" Maureen insisted. "Gees, Joanne, lighten up! I meant that it would look really good on her - What's with you having that fucking ten foot pole shoved up your ass all the time?"

"You God damn bi—"

"Hey!" Collins barked. "Swear in front of Mercy again and you'll regret it!"

"Sorry!"

"Sorry!"

Angel rubbed Mercy's belly and kissed the back of her head, whispering soothing words, fearing that a fight might break out. "Don't worry, honey, this happens all the time."

"Why are they so mad?" she whispered back.

"Because it gives them something to do. Don't worry; it'll be over in a minute."

"Angel, move!" Joanne harshly instructed, moving to get up. Angel and Mercy moved out of their place in the booth so Joanne could get out and she did, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She looked pissed.

"Joanne, come on!" Roger told her. "Let it drop, guys, seriously…"

"No," Joanne held her ground and turned back to face Maureen, who was also looking extremely bitter. Mercy rested her chin on Angel's shoulder and watched this new drama unfolded with curiosity more than fear. Angel held her on his hip and exchanged concerned looks with Mimi… this had been accumulating for too long, and Joanne looked as if enough really was enough. "I'm done. Okay? I'm done with this; I'm done with her… I love you guys, but seriously, I can't do this anymore. Not with her!" she spun around on her heels and stormed out of the Café. Maureen shuffled out of her seat and took off after her, not necessarily intent on trying to win her back, but she had been humiliated! She'd never let anyone, including Joanne, humiliate her like that, and she wasn't prepared to lose this argument either. And probably they'd be at the corner making out again within the next five minutes, so the rest of them weren't very concerned that this might be the end of their relationship. It never was.

"I swear, they're gonna put each other in their graves," Mark sardonically mocked them, and Angel put Mercy down on the seat and she scooted over to sit between him and Mark.

"Do they always fight?"

"Pretty much."

"Why?"

"Because, baby," Angel leaned down to her. "Love's kinda freaky like that," and then he pretended to bite at her nose and she giggled again. It didn't take much to entertain her, and Angel knew exactly what to do to keep her happy, so she didn't worry about things like this. If she did stay with them, permanently, then these kind of things were gonna happen more than once.

"You still gonna go there tonight, Ang?" Collins asked.

"Probably. You know, just to make sure they didn't kill each other or anything…"

"Can I come?"

"Sorry, Merc. You better stay with Collins, k?" Ang told her, though looked around at his friends. "Just in case they have killed each other," he mumbled, so that only Mimi could hear and she nodded in agreement. The conversation kinda died right there and then, and things returned to normal for a bit. Mimi and Angel continued to play with Mercy, giving her all the attention she wanted, while Collins, Mark and Roger talked about what they were gonna do with this kid now – Collins enjoyed watching his girl happy again. But the nagging thoughts of what would happen when he and Angel were no longer around could not be ignored… though Mercy didn't need to know.

"Can I get another drink, please?" she asked, showing Angel her empty soda cup.

"Sure," he said and moved to get up, but as Mercy stood up off his lap first, she turned back.

"Can I get it?"

"Huh?"

"By myself."

Amused by this, Collins held back a laugh. "Mercy, you can't reach the counter, sweetheart."

"_PLEASE_? I'm big enough!"

"Honey, I can take you—" Angel offered but, like any other stubborn child who didn't get their way, Mercy pouted and crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot.

"Why not?"

"I---" what response was there that could justify her _not_ going to the counter by herself, other than she was too short? Not getting any help from Collins or their friends, Angel sat back down. This was the part of looking after a young person that neither had actually thought about – the temper tantrums, and Mercy's beautiful eyes made refusing her an impossible thing to do. She just stood there, pouting at Angel and held out her hand, very much resembling the scene in Oliver Twist, with the little boy asking 'Please sir, may I have some more?', only the intent in this situation was way different. Angel looked to his boyfriend for some kind of help, and for once was at a loss what to say. Giving into her would mean she'd get what she wanted, and could possibly learn that all she had to do was throw a tantrum to get her way. Angel learned that when helping his mother to raise his younger sister and brother. But on the other hand, what harm could it do? All she wanted was a soda, but the Life Café was kinda busy and people around here could be kinda pushy. Collins wanted to laugh at the apparent dilemma and leaned forward a little.

"Baby, let her go get a soda. Come on, what's the big deal?"

"Well, I—" Angel stammered. "I dunno! Can't let her throw a fit or whatever—"

"Angel, give her the money!"

He reached into his pocket and felt the coins in between his fingers, and grabbed a bunch of them and pulled them out, subsequently pulling out that tiny piece of paper he had discovered earlier, and froze. Shit. Now what? Angel had almost completely forgotten about the note until now and staring at it sitting lightly in the palm of his hand, with several coins lying on top of it. Realising that Mercy was still waiting for the money, Angel took the paper in his other free hand and dropped several coins and a couple of dollars worth of paper notes in her tiny hands and knelt down.

"Get whatever you want, baby."

"Really?" her eyes lit up.

"Yup! Go nuts."

Mercy ran off, happy to be given the 'big kid' responsibility of ordering her own drink and being trusted to do so. Angel took his seat once again and watched her leave the area, to get in line not too far away… she grinned at the group of adults; with Mark and Mimi waving back to her.

"Angel?"

"Huh?"

"Whoa… chill, girl," Roger calmly backed off. "Little jumpy there, aren't ya?"

"Guys I got a problem," he explained, idly folding and unfolding the paper multiple times. "I guess. I dunno, I don't know what to do!" he reached across the table and held the note out to Collins, who took it and looked at it.

"Stephanie Sanderson? PIN 849237? Mika? What's this?"

"I dunno. I found it in one of Mercy's sock's while I was washing it this morning."

Angel fell against the back of the seat and lifted his legs to rest on the end of the table, and covered his face. Mimi rubbed his leg and pursed her lips; whatever this was, the toll was beginning to show. Something was going on that neither of her friends was telling her, and Angel had been having those nightmares again… still, she didn't say anything. Collins slid the paper across the table to show Roger, who in turn showed it to Mark until it ended up in Mimi's hand, hoping one of them would be able to help with deciphering it, so they wouldn't have to ask Mercy. Maybe it was a bad point for her; and maybe she wouldn't remember when she got it or under what circumstance, at any rate it was confusing and something that could be related to the dream. Angel had described the nature of the dream in greater detail, emphasizing the part where Mercy was standing over the dead body of the man who raped and attempted to kill him.

Angel didn't take his gaze off the little girl who looked so proud to be doing something on her own like this.

"Whoa…" Mimi muttered.

"What is it?" Mark asked, sitting up.

"If this is what I think it is… what the hell would Mercy be doing with it?"

"What?"

She narrowed her eyes and wrinkled her nose, scrutinizing every letter of every word so as to not to jump to conclusions. Her friend's concern pointed in her direction silently demanded an answer so she had to give them one.

"Well… a few years ago I was caught in a drug bust and… got sent to jail for a bit and I couldn't make bail so they gave me what they called, some fucking nonsense… uhh… a PIN number… Prisoner Identification Number, or something like that. PIN as they called it. I dunno, it could be it…"

Angel picked at his nails and wished that he could get to a manicurist so badly, because he wasn't looking his natural best – a prisoner number? Okay that was just odd and another layer to the cake they didn't need. Did Mercy even know she had the number? And who was Mika? And Stephanie Sanderson? So many questions and with no way to answer them other than to ask her directly and that might be too much for her. Everyone had choices, and never did life present a situation where they have no choices… it's just that some decisions are easier to make than others, and the choices are more subtle than others.

"Ang? You okay, baby?"

"Uh huh. My nails are fucking driving me crazy, Collins I might go to the salon afterwards, k?"

"Uhh… okay?"

"Angel, can I keep this?" Mimi suddenly queried.

"What?"

"The note. Can I have it, just for a bit?"

"Why?"

"Just… trust me on this, girl. K?"

"Take it," Collins told her, before Angel could say either way. Everything would be revealed in due time and Mercy had barely settled in with them so he really couldn't care less about a stupid note that she's probably had for ages and probably doesn't mean a damn thing anymore. It would only get her and Angel upset and that was the last thing he wanted to see… and already Collins could feel a severe headache coming on. "It's yours, Mims."

"Collins—"

"Angel, drop it! Literally, just let it go, ok? You're gonna get yourself all fucking worked up again, and in turn that'll get the kid upset and seriously, enough is enough, okay? Baby, I love you but I swear to God I'd have to kill you if you keep up this okay?" the mischievous glint in his eyes was an automatic tell, at least to Angel, that he wasn't being serious, and his the corners of his lips trying so hard no to turn upwards, but failing miserably. Collins was only joking around, and even if he could do a more convincing job of keeping a straight face, Angel could tell it was nothing to get serious about. And, not surprisingly, Collins was right _again_… the voice of reason; the picture of a logical mind working as best it could in a much screwed up world. Their world. Their home. Angel smiled and stretched out, feeling the weight of the worries lifting a little bit; his partner's eyes not leaving him, while _he_ still watched Mercy jump up and down, more in a fit of nerves, and stepped closer to the counter when the next person got their food and moved away. Such a small child in a huge world; taking one baby step at a time… Angel remembered what that was like. Hell, he felt like sometimes he was going through it again… being a baby taking those first steps that would forever be the moment that defined the time they started to grow up into the world. Not being assisted by anyone. After the hell of last year, Angel felt like he was being forced to go back to the beginning and take those steps again. Perhaps that was why he felt so connected with this child who had so much done to her, but she could still smile and love… that was a true child spirit that could only be felt during those years as a child. It was so hard, next to impossible to recapture as an adult, but somehow Angel managed to keep that innocence alive, even when the world was against him and everything was being done to him.

Mimi looked up and down, between the paper and Angel, occasionally switching her gaze to Roger, or Mercy, or Mark, or Collins… it sure did seem like a prisoner's number to her. She silently mouthed to herself, counting the amount of numbers that made up the overall number. Six. Standard for a prisoner, she remembered her own… she had drilled it into her mind when she was first issued it. Hopefully someone at the club would confirm this suspicion.

"Angel! Angel! Collins!" a shrill, excited voice broke through the clouded silence that had accidentally consumed them all, and Mercy bounded over to the table, carrying her small soda in both her hands. "Look I did it! All by myself!"

"Excellent, bubby!" Angel cried and clapped his hands just as excitedly, allowing the child to bask in the glow of everyone's attention. He looked up at Collins who smiled too, and nodded, though not with as much enthusiasm.

"Oh mi Dios that's awesome, sweetie!" Mimi praised her. "Well done, you did it all by yourself! She's a big girl now, right Roger?"

"Uh huh," Roger was determined to say as little as possible… he could barely understand adults let alone children, and he didn't know how to talk to them. Mercy's big grin was enlightening and she allowed Angel to lift her up to sit on his lap once more, content to simply sit there and drink the soda she got to purchase all by herself. Mimi lightly tapped the table, sitting back while the others carried on different conversations about things, with Angel spending most of his energy focused on Mercy; it was sweet. This day quickly focused away from Mimi being clean… well, semi-clean… she had almost given in a few times, and had been caught by Roger buying drugs a few more times, luckily before she got to use any of it, and he hauled her back off to rehab after a few more nasty arguments and almost-break ups. And she was glad, too… such things were kinda depressing and she much preferred focusing on the child – she loved kids so much, and maybe this was the closest she would ever get to having one of her own, now the virus had entered her blood in a strange hold that would never be released. Mimi's vivacious, infectious personality only made her that much more of a 'cool adult' to most kids she encountered (and now there weren't many). Oh God, can you imagine what could happen to Mercy after hanging out with Maureen, Angel, and Mimi for a while? Hilarity would ensue, I'm sure but it was an odd thought all the same.

**LATER THAT EVENING**

Mimi hung up her jacket just inside the large room (the note still tucked neatly into one of the pockets), kicking the door shut behind her and looked around. The room was so brightly lit, with the loudness of the music playing as her colleagues did their thing out on stage could be heard backstage, and the hustle and bustle of other girls, whom she considered friends, getting ready was enough to get the adrenaline flowing. From what she had seen as she entered the club where she had been working for the past four and a half years, it was gonna be a _very_ busy night. It was only 10:49 PM and already the place was filled to near-capacity, and the hooting and howling of the paying customers was getting louder by the second. She knew what she'd be dancing to tonight and hurried over to her table where she began to set up.

"Mimi!"

She spun around to see Marcela Sanchez bounce over to her, wearing a skimpy outfit, and sweating a bit, meaning that she had probably just finished her set for the hour and she was grinning from ear to ear. Mimi greeted her with a hug, as usual, the two friends happy to be on the same shift together – granted, all the girls usually got along well enough, but out of all of them Marcela was probably the closest to her. Marcela was a twenty-six year old Latina dancer from Puerto Rico, and had moved to New York with her then-four year old daughter, Anna, in 1988. She and Mimi met when the former junkie had just got the job at the Cat Scratch, and she was still turning tricks on the street. Yes, Marcela worked as a hooker for only a few months as she struggled to feed her sick daughter, who has cancer, and pay the bills and medical bills at the same time. A tragic story she lived, though was doing much better since Anna's cancer went into remission. For about eighteen months she and Mimi lived together, and even when Mimi moved out and into the building shared with Roger and Mark, they remained close friends.

"Oh my gosh chica, you're late!" Marcela gushed, roughly pulling away to get a better look at how her friend was doing. Mimi rolled her eyes and let her go, dumping her bag on the table. "Where the hell were you?"

"Yeah, yeah I know… I'm sorry, honey. Got hung up at home, Roger was bitching and moaning about some of his angst shit again; I got held up. How's Anna?" she diverted the subject to something she knew Marcela loved to talk about – her daughter. She proceeded to set up her make up kit and removed her shirt, with a rather revealing laced corset underneath. She had made the effort to wear her stage clothes underneath her normal day clothes, knowing she was gonna be late. It was now 10:54 PM. She had to be on stage at 11:00, but she was such an expert at being late and being forced to do things as she went, it would only take exactly three minutes to finish applying her make-up, get another two minutes to get into her full stage attire, and one minute to get to the stage. Six minutes. Not a new record; she had done it in five minutes a couple of times.

"Anna? She's good, good, ya… getting to be a handful, she always wants her little friends sleeping over. Oh God she reminds me of me at her age."

"Eight year olds tend to do that. They think they fucking rule the world and demand everything from it at the same time…" Mimi smirked and applied her lipstick.

"Wow that was almost poetic, sweetie."

"Roger's been rubbing off on me, I think—"

"In more ways than one, I bet."

"Oh Marcela you have no idea, babe." Mimi then threw the lipstick down onto the table and stood up straight. 10:56. "That reminds me, there's something I gotta tell you, I need your advice on something…" her friend eyed her, with slight suspicion and also curiosity. Quite often enough

"What is it? You know I'm here for you, girl." Marcela smiled, chewing her gum loudly. "Anything wrong?"

"No, no, not exactly… it's not about me, about my friend. Friends. Something's come up, and—"

"MIMI?" a harsh voice boomed. Her boss, Jonathan – he was normally a sweet guy, but tended to get a bit pissy when she, in particular, was late, because she had done it a few times before. She turned around to see him standing in the doorway that led to the entrance to the stage. "You here yet?"

"Here, _sir_! I know, I know I'm late I'm sorry something came up at home and—"

"I don't wanna hear it right now, Mimi. You're up in…" he checked his watch. "Two minutes. Go."

Mimi groaned and walked quickly over to him, and he stood aside as she rushed by him, Marcela in tow.

"Wait, what is it?" she pressed. "Come on, Mims, don't leave me hanging!"

"I'll tell ya later, Marc! Chill okay? It's nothing bad, but I gotta go, hold up…"

"Mims!"

"Quit whining, and get your ass back there before Johnny boy has both our asses on a platter."

**30 MINUTE LATER**

Mimi sat the especially cornered-off portion of the bar where dancers and employees could relax. She still had two more sets to do that night, and wasn't at all tired – she was used to it, but the feelings were still strange because she wasn't using junk to keep her going anymore. Now she ran on pure adrenaline and energy. She sipped her drink and sighed at the cooling effect the liquid had on her from the inside out. Marcela was finishing up her set and the music was still blaring as loud as it always way… Mimi didn't know if she should be revealing Angel and Collins' situation to anyone else, but Marcela knew all about the prison systems, since she had been in and out of them ever since she was ten years old, and only since the birth of her daughter had she started cleaning up her act. Maybe she could shine some light on it, or at least confirm what Mimi already suspected and felt was true in her gut. She finished her beer and ordered a second one to help loosen her up for the second session, which would involve a little more S&M and each time she did it, it was intense. A little alcoholic buzz never hurt anyone, especially in this business, right? It was much better that shoving a needle into her half-dried up veins.

"MIMI!"

Marcela ran over to her, with still the same amount of energy as she had come to work with. She had finished her last set, but decided to stick around and wait for Mimi to finish her shift for the night and they could go light up the town once more – and be home by three o'clock, just what she told Anna's babysitter.

"Ya, sweetie?"

"I got a question for you…"

"Oh another one? You're mind is rolling tonight…"

"Shut up and fuck you, I take offence to that," Marcela poked her tongue out and turned serious straight after. "What's this?" she stuck her hand out and Mimi looked into the palm of her hand, and almost fell off her chair. Marcela was holding the note that Mimi thought she had hidden quite well in the pocket of her jacket. Apprehensively, she remained calm and collected, and blinked.

"Where did ya get that?"

"I went to get my jacket, to find my Nicole's number – she's Anna's babysitter – and I accidentally knocked your jacket off the wall and the paper fell out."

Blank stare.

"What? It's true!"

Blink.

"I swear, Mims…"

Cough.

"Okay, okay!" Marcela broke, having been caught red-handed. "You were on-stage and you got me, like, _really_ curious about whatever it was you were babbling on about earlier and so, I kinda… sorta… went looking for it…"

Mimi groaned and practically grabbed the beer from Mike, the bartender's, hand and gulped down half of it. She should've known better than to leave Marcela hanging like that; her friend was not afraid to go searching for something if she felt compelled to do so. Even if she didn't. "Marcela, I love you but I—"

"I'm sorry, gorgeous, but come on! What is this?" the Latina beauty quizzed her younger friend and shoved the paper into her hand. "Where did you get this?"

"It's what I wanted to ask you about, later on, _after_ I finished my shift so I could focus better, but now that's shot to hell," she spat. "Sit down. It's kinda a long story…" it didn't take much for Marcela to have the incentive to sit down. She crossed her legs and stared expectantly at Mimi, ready to hear the story and waiting for an appropriate answer to her question.

"So?" she encouraged. "You gonna tell me what this is about?"

"Wanna drink first?"

"Come, come now, Marquez. I'm warning you…"

"Okay, okay. I surrender. Okay, here's what happened." Mimi sipped a bit more of her drink, preparing herself to revisit this long story. "My friends, Angel and Collins, you met them at a party once, remember?"

"Uhh… oh you mean the drag queen and that teacher? The lovers?"

"That's them. Anyway, yesterday they found a homeless child on the street, Mercy. Don't know her last name, but she's five years old and oh my God, Marcela she is, like, the most gorgeous kid… blood-red hair and those sparkling green eyes. She's totally beautiful. Anyway, she's been homeless and ran away from these abusive foster parents, I think, and Angel really wants to keep her—"

"What about Collins?"

"I think he's still got reservations, but he's coming around… they've both fallen for this kid, hard, and they've only had her one day! Even I love this kid, she's totally a mini-Angel. It's freaky how alike they are! I guess that's why Collins gave in so easily into letting her stay."

"And…?"

Mimi leaned forward, getting more comfortable with the position of gossiping about her friends; it didn't present itself to be a moral mess to her. Everyone gossiped about everyone and everything around these neighbourhoods; friends or not. "Angel's still having these creepy nightmares, and this last one… it had Mercy standing over his attacker from last year, Sam… he was dead and she was holding the knife. I mean, she's five years old, for God's sake! And then, the next morning, he found this note in her pocket or whatever… that's why I wanted to show you, this is getting too freaky girl… and I was thinking, maybe it's a prison number, you know? PIN? I'm only asking you cause you know the system like the back of your hand, you know what I'm saying?"

Marcela gave her an evil look. "Thanks."

"You know what I mean."

"Whatever. But to answer your query, my friend, I do know this is a prison number."

Mimi's heart almost burst from her chest when she heard those words… not for the fact that it was a confirmation of her suspicions, but because what this would mean for Angel and Collins, and of course, Mercy. "Wow… that was easy. Now if we just knew what the kid was doing with a name and PIN number, and what 'Mika' meant, we'd be all set."

Marcela shook her head and sighed. Her friend was right – she did know the prison system so well, she had been through it so often as an adolescent and quite a number of times as an adult; so what she'd be telling Mimi next was probably not a good thing. Or, in fact, it could be a good thing because it could help them find the source of this Angel person's nightmares, and it was worrying Mimi, she could see. "I can do you one better, sweetheart. Stephanie Sanderson? I know her."

Needless to say, Mimi almost had a heart attack.

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ Okay, that took ages lol. Anyway, I hope you like it so far. In the next chapter, Mimi reveals this newest development to Angel and Collins; while Marcela pays a certain someone a visit in prison. Mercy spends some quality time with her new guardians, and they bond. Angel has another dream.**


	11. Prisoner

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 11: Prisoner**

**_SUMMARY:_ Mimi reveals this newest development to Angel and Collins; while Marcela pays someone a visit in prison. WARNING: Major twist that includes some major revelations regarding the note and Mercy's parents. Their fate is revealed. Mercy spends some quality time with her new guardians, and they bond. **

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**THE NEXT MORNING**

It was now two days since Mercy first met them and things were getting easier for her. Never had she felt more comfortable with anyone like she did with them and their friends; they actually were very caring and treated her very well. It was something she never experienced before, so of course there was caution taken on her part, but otherwise Mercy could not stop herself from trusting them. Angel's smile. Collins' protective nature. Sitting on the floor with a bowl of cereal in her lap and watching the children show, Sesame Street she remained fixated on the bright colours of the educational program. The child had slept better that night though still needed the comfort and warmth of being with her new friends, and once again she had crept into their bedroom in the middle of the night and this time they were both still awake, and invited her to join them. After a peaceful night's sleep, Mercy had been the first to wake up and dressed herself, finishing at the moment when Angel's eyes opened and he saw her trying to properly adjust her t-shirt. Angel subsequently got up and took her to the bathroom and ran a bath, and helped her undress once more and get into the tub, before leaving her to play and splash around, leaving the door open a little bit to keep close watch on her. Now, she was dressed and eating breakfast while Angel was getting dressed – Collins had left for work earlier that morning and so it would be just them today. It was this freedom she had that put everything else into perspective, at least as well it could be in the mind of a child, and it was evident to even an idiot.

Angel pranced into the room, satisfied at his appearance and jumped onto the sofa with one of his many fashion magazines that littered the apartment, and often drove his partner nuts. But since, now, the semi-neat freak Collins had left, he was free to do whatever he liked. Every worry he had, was now gone for some reason and once again Angel's free, fun-loving, vivacious spirit had returned to its full glory.

"Angel?"

"Ya, baby?"

"Is Collins mad at me?"

He peered over the top of the magazine and raised an eye brow. No longer was Mercy watching the television, happily munching away on fruit loops, but had placed the bowl on the table next to her and turned around just enough to look at the drag queen. _Aww she's just too… too… she so needs a hug!_ Angel sat up and literally threw the magazine aside and opened his arms, and Mercy needed no verbalized intent or request to understand what he wanted her to do, and she pushed her self up. Running around the side of the table and making her way to the comforting adult who waited to keep her warm. A second later she jumped into Angel's lap and grinned when his arms wrapped tightly around her and she leaned back and looked up. What was it about Angel's hugs that made her feel so warm? It must be a chemical reaction; Angel had that angelic effect on everyone. He kissed the top of her head and rocked her back and forth.

"Sweetie, what makes you think that? You're crazy!"

She shrugged and relaxed to the rhythm of the rocking. "I dunno… he looks sad…"

"Sad?"

"Yeah…"

"What'd you mean?"

Mercy chewed her fingernail and played with the seam of her skirt, staring straight ahead at the television though not paying attention to its contents, she didn't know much about what she was talking about, but it was a feeling. Collins was a little more distant than Angel was and although she felt totally safe with him, she wanted to know him better… she wanted him to like her. Like any child with an adult who was reluctant to accept him or her, Mercy wanted Collins to like her – she wanted to please him. That was not a good thing to want, because when a child got to the point of wanting to go all out to please an adult, Angel knew it wouldn't be good for that kid. He knew what she meant.

"I want him to be happy I'm here. I don't wanna be no bother to anyone… If I am I can leave, its okay…"

Angel's mouth dropped; genuinely shocked that the little girl could suggest such thing, it was like blasphemy to his ears! "No… oh, honey God, no; what gave you such insane ideas? Collins does like you, sweetheart!"

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Because I know Collins, and I know that he's…" he paused. "Collins needs a bit of time to adjust to having a little girl around, k? I have experience with kids, I don't think he does… this isn't exactly what anyone was expecting, you know?" They linked hands; the child's tiny pale fingers contrasting Angel's Latino complexion, though they fit so perfectly well. They both stared at this and the comfort of it was almost overwhelming.

"Oh," she replied, not convinced at all. Angel was desperately trying to convince her that she wasn't doing anything wrong when she so felt that she was. Collins was very nice to her and appeared to care, but as children can perceive so much, she could feel that he was hesitant. Holding back, even. Angel's mind reeled with possible things he could say to reassure her that she was welcome here and that they did care about her; and would never hurt her. He knew Collins better than anyone, and his lover was always quite shy to new circumstances that could potentially affect their lifestyles, and this was no different. It took him a while to warm up to some things; and even longer to fully accept them, but this was different. Angel had never seen him so… relaxed… as he was when Mercy came into their lives; maybe that's because he saw Angel had calmed down, who knows. There was a smile… his smile that rarely showed for anyone except his lover; and now this little girl – Collins wasn't as good with expressing his feelings through words as he was through body language and expressions. That's just who he was; apart of his personality that probably would never change… but Angel knew his soul. This child had got to him in a way that he thought was impossible for anyone except his lover to do, but he was wrong.

"There's this thing he does," he whispered in her ear, and she closed her eyes. "Something special, just for whom he loves most in the world. Those he cares most about… very special. Enchanting, even." He spoke slowly, giving the aura of beauty and intrigue to his words that inspired fantasy in children and adults a like. That was his gift. Mercy sighed and opened her eyes again and looked up at the ceiling.

"What is it?" she whispered back, a part of her afraid to know because she might not be able to see it. "What does he do?"

"Well, whenever he's with that special someone… who makes him _really_ happy and who he feels really special around… he kinda has this little, but really bright sparkle in his eyes." Angel grinned, not lying with the words she used to comfort the little girl. "And a smile that makes you wanna melt… you'll know it when you see it, baby, I promise you just have to look at him. Really look at him, and you'll see it. I see it everyday, but since you're new here… I think it's a little harder for you to see, you know? He needs time, baby, but I swear… you've been like magic to us. To him." He kissed her again, and with his arm against hers, he felt the muscles relaxing. She believed him.

"Look for that smile, that sparkle honey… you only gotta look for it once and then you'll always be able to see it. Okay? Don't feel like you have to impress him or please him in any way… I promise you, you'll see it. I see it whenever you come into a room and I see him… promise me, baby, that you'll look. Promise?" he then placed his finger delicately under her chin, raising her head just enough so their eyes could connect. There was no lie. No pretense. Nothing this beautiful child could say or do could be hidden from him, and vice versa.

"I promise." Mercy mouthed, no audible tone could be heard. But the promise was set, and then confirmed when they locked pinky fingers which sealed the deal – or at least in girl world, it sealed the promise. The exchanged smiles and fell into what was a comfort silence, basking in the glow of Angel's warm words and each other's company; a moment of reflection and enjoyment. Neither had any expectations placed on each other's shoulders and they were very much on the same level as far as their understanding of what love is. There was an instant connection, undeniable, yet surely to grow as time progressed hopefully in their favour.

"Good," Angel said and nudged her off his lap until she was sitting next to him – he then jumped up and ran out of the living room, only to reemerge a few seconds later carrying two tops. It all happened within a matter of seconds, and Mercy giggled and the energetic, and goofy, display her friend was putting on for her, and clapped wildly when Angel struck a charmingly funny pose and leapt up onto the coffee table. "Okay, okay, now we get to the very _important_ matters," he winked at her and she returned the gesture – which was way too adorable to put into words. "So we must make ourselves look fabulous for when Collins comes home and takes us to the loft for what we shall call… a small party… for the lovely debutant!"

Mercy frowned. "What's a deb… deb… debi…" she stammered over the long word and whimpered when she couldn't get her head around it. "Whatever you said." Angel laughed.

"A debutant?" he jumped off the table and leaned down so his face was inches from hers. "You, baby!" he kissed her nose and she squirmed, her hands pushing against his chest. "The beautiful bell of the ball! The one who makes her first appearance before their adoring public, or in this case, my friends at an official party. Plus there will probably be a few extra people from around, but that's nothing we can't handle!"

"A party?"

"Yup! Well, kinda. I talked to Mimi – you remember Mimi, right?"

She nodded.

"Good. Anyway, I talked to her and she said it was totally cool if we came by and _all_ of us hung out there – so you and I have to find the perfect outfits and get ready to knock them off their feet!" he grinned and dragged her up by her arms so she was standing on the sofa, though she still remained shorter than him. "That sound fun to you?"

"But it's still morning!"

"Oh please! The one of the main things to know about parties and fashion is that there are never enough hours in the day to get ready. It's an art and a science, baby. Learn that and live it." Angel held up the two tops to his chest. "Okay, Mercy baby. The white or black? To go with the dark blue skirt I showed you earlier. And be fully honest – can't mislead a girl when it comes to fashion!"

Mercy laughed hysterically at the goofball dancing around in front of her; this was what true happiness must feel like. Like you were being lifted up; elevated beyond one's existence and feel like you're flying in the clouds? That's what Mercy was experiencing right now and she couldn't have imagined for any more. A simple child with simple needs and simple desires that were being met at every chance she got; Angel and Collins gave her more in two days than any other adult had done for her in her entire short life so far. And this was something she did not want to leave. Standing on the sofa with her arms slung over Angel's shoulders, she was able to get a good look into his soft, inviting, warm eyes. There was nothing but pure love there and a part of her was a little intimidated by it, never having been given love before, and now this person was standing in front of her, practically offering it to her on a silver platter. He ran his fingers through her soft, silky red hair. She was the picture of childhood innocence wrapped up in a destructive world and it was his intent to make sure she never had to experience more than she had to ever again.

"Umm… the black one!" she clapped. "Makes your eyes look really, really, _really_ pretty I think!"

Angel wanted to scream from happiness. "Oh my God, honey you're a pro already! I was thinking the same thing!"

"Yay!"

"'Yay' is right, Mercy, cause you and I are gonna rock the loft!" he carefully laid the two tops over the arm of the sofa and turned his attention back to her. "But more importantly, we have to find the perfect outfit for _you_! We want everyone to be looking at you this time, so it's time to go searching for you!"

**5 MINUTES LATER…**

… And they were sitting in Angel's bedroom sorting through Mercy's limited clothing supplies and his creative mind was on autopilot to find something new, wild, and creative – something eye catching, that everyone in the room would stop to see when she entered the room… while at the same time being appropriate for a child to wear. Throwing bits of rejected clothing material aside, Angel reached under the bed and pulled out a small bag – it was soft; the contents containing a lot of his hair products for when he wore wigs or whatever. Since they had nothing better to do today, Angel figured that they get started on coming up with new ideas for that night's 'festivities'. Mercy sat next to him, picking up and rubbing the different materials between the tips of her fingers, in a more curious way than anything. She was only five so she didn't know a hell of a lot about fashion, but she loved playing dressup and bright colours, like any child, so she left the important stuff to Angel. It was fun to liberally throw things aside whenever they bored her and not be expected to pick it up or get punished for making a mess, and instead to focus on things that held her interest even for just a little while.

She sat up straight and picked up a pair of Angel's many leggings, the printed images and bright colours causing much interest and she studied the prints and the colours mixed together, running her fingers along the seams and stitching.

"I like this," she muttered and Angel looked at what she was holding.

"I made that," he told her, proudly. "I found the material and thought it was real pretty… I can make one for you if you like!"

"Really?" Mercy asked, surprised. No one had ever made her anything before. Then again, no one had ever bought her anything or held her like Angel had, or protected her like Collins had. This was all new to her, so the simplest of things caused shock and surprise to her; the wonderment and awe she had to these normal, everyday types of things was amusing and sweet.

"Yeah, of course. It'll be fun. You can help me pick out the material!" Angel replied and threw another item of clothing aside. "We can make a night of it, Merc."

Mercy shifted her position so she was sitting on her knees, and reached across Angel to pick up something that caught her eye. It was her old sweater, the one she had been wearing. She sat back and studied her newly clean clothing that had been her only sweater for the better part of two years; she was starting to feel the constrictive pull of growing up and it becoming too small for her. Then, as she held it out in front of her, something fell out from it and landed on the small pile that had accumulated just between her and Angel. Dropping the sweater, Mercy turned her attention to the white material that had fallen only to see that it was her two old socks tied together, looking whiter than she had seen them in along time. The tattered material, especially around the edges, was what gave it away that they were her original socks. Then, something occurred to her… she pulled them apart and stuck her tiny hand into one of the openings, searching for something she had since as long as she could remember. When she couldn't feel what it was she was looking for, the child pulled her hand out and did the same with the other sock. But again, nothing could be felt but the material at the bottom of the sock. It was missing. The thing that she had had since forever (to her), was no longer there… the only thing she knew about it was that her mother gave it to her before she died. A small cry caught Angel's attention, and he stopped what he was doing.

"Mercy? Everything okay? What you looking for, sweets?"

"Umm… umm… I can't find it!" she replied, the search picking up a frantic pace and she practically dived into the piles of clothes. Angel frowned and dragged her up by her small waist, with one arm, so that she rested against his body but she continued to struggle to be free.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa what's up? Why the tears?" he saw she was crying already, a sharp 180 degree flip from how she had been thirty seconds ago.

"I… I dunno what it is," she stammered. "My mama gave it to me before she died, I've had it forever! Where is it?" Mercy burst into tears and the need to find it was getting stronger.

"Honey, calm down a minute… what you lost?"

"It was a piece of paper; I kept it in my sock so those bad people couldn't find it!"

Uh oh. Angel stopped holding her back, his arm around her relaxing allowing the child to push away from him to continue the desperate search. She had to find that piece of paper; the note… she didn't know what it meant, but only that it was the last link she had to her mother. Angel's heart stopped and it was something he wasn't expecting, though probably should have. There's no way that Mercy wouldn't have known about the note – it was in her sock! And it obviously had to hold some significance to her if she had to hide it there.

"Umm… what piece of paper?" he stammered.

"It had a name and numbers on it and 'Mika'! Angel it's really, really, really, really, _really_ special I want it! It's gone," she sobbed and shuffled closer to Angel and hugged him. This was terrible! If she lost the note and never got it back, then there was no chance in hell she'd be able to learn who her parents were. "Angel, where is it?" she sniffed. "I can't find it!"

"Oh, baby I'm sorry," Angel whispered against her, taking her back in his arms. "I'm sorry; I didn't know it meant so much to you…"

"You… you threw it away?"

"No! No, Mercy, I swear I didn't sweetheart." He turned her around, though kept his arms around her so they could look at each other properly. "I found a piece of paper when I washed your clothes… I was worried about you and… Mimi has it, maybe she can help us find out what it means, you know? Maybe she can help us find out more about your mom…"

Mercy didn't scream; she didn't yell; Angel hadn't done anything wrong except try to help… and the fact that Angel said that he was worried about her made it a bit more okay. But she was disappointed all the same and wanted to get that note back, Angel wasn't blind to it – he was an expert in reading the subtle signals of what someone was thinking and feeling.

"Oh," the girl's eyes were downcast.

"Mercy, I'm sorry…" if there was anything to make Angel feel guilty and sad; it was seeing this child being any less than completely happy and carefree. This was a sore issue, and the sensitivity of it made everything ever the more delicate to deal with. This girl was connected to him in more ways than one; whatever that dream meant, Angel was not going to let her get away. "Forgive me?"

And of course, it was hard to stay mad at Angel Dumott Schunard for too long anyway, and Mercy nodded.

"Can I get it back? Please?" a sentimental attachment to that note kept the child grounded with the hope of one day finding out about her mother and father; where she came from and what happened to them.

"Sure, baby, anything you want…"

Mercy smiled. Why her life had been so devastatingly hard and unforgiving… why no one loved her… these were types of questions she wanted to be answered, and thought the only way to get them answered was by holding onto the last remaining thing she had from her mother. And yet, at the same time, she felt like she was already getting answers… because someone does love her. Some _ones_ I should say. The look in Angel's eyes said it all, really. Finally, she leaned up and gave Angel a kiss for reassurance and forgiveness. "It's just a stupid piece of paper anyway," she conceded with a small shrug. Angel shook his head.

"Mercy, it's important to you, my sweets. We'll get it back from Mimi tonight, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise!" Angel crossed his heart.

**11:06 AM – WITH MARCELA SANCHEZ AT RIKERS PRISON**

"Are you serious?" Donovan was stunned at this newest revelation as his former girlfriend sat across from him at the visitor's centre in prison. He had been sent up six months earlier after being convicted of trafficking two kilos worth of cocaine; he and Jamey got sent up both for twelve and a half to twenty-five years in prison… and time was passing very slowly. Ironically they were sent to the same prison both Sam and Julian were at, so it was often that members of the gang met up and 'socialised'. Marcela used to run with the crew in the early days when she was in New York, but quit not long after… and the only thing that kept Julian from going after and killing her was the fact that she was dating Donovan, who had practically begged his boss to keep her alive. Even after they broke up they remained friends, for Anna's sake, as the child was close to the man, but over the years Marcela and her daughter drifted apart from him as he sank deeper and deeper into Sam's crew.

Marcela sat across from him, nervously, not sure that she should be here at all and no doubt if Mimi ever found out about her connections with the people who almost murdered her friend, she'd cut Marcela out of her life forever. And for her, the friendship was the most important thing in her life. She nodded and trembling she pushed her hair out of her face and made eye contact with him. He didn't look mad – Donovan was more concerned than anything else, to hear that this child was the daughter of the woman who almost brought down Sam and Julian's entire crew, and was now living with the two people Sam almost destroyed. A lot of people now wanted Samuel dead, but none more so than Angel Schunard and Tom Collins… and now they were unknowingly in a position where they were in charge of a child whose parents were once close to both Sam and Julian.  
Marcela held out the note to him and he took it – after scanning what it said for a few seconds, he turned his attention back to her, very serious now.

"Shit…" he muttered. "Marcela, you gotta go to Sam with this. When he finds out that this kid is Mika's and Lucas' daughter… he's gonna go insane. And when he finds out that Angel and Collins are looking after her? This goes way beyond me…"

"I know, I know!" Marcela replied, scared out of her wits. The connections Sam had means that she and her daughter could be in a lot of danger if she didn't go to him; but she didn't want to betray Mimi or her friends. The decision should've been easy to make, but it really wasn't. "But Donnie, I can't do this… I'm supposed to be out now, I can't put Anna at risk like this anymore, and you know that!"

"I know, baby, I know… but the thing is, you're involved now. And it will get back to Samuel, it always does. I know your friends with Mimi Marquez, okay? And I know she's friends with Angel and Collins and to be honest, I don't care. I'm not thrilled, but… Sam isn't so forgiving, baby," he explained. "And I don't want you and Anna in anymore danger… I want you both out, and the only way to safely do that is to stay on Sam's good side! He wasn't too happy when you, Mika and Lucas bailed on him!"

Marcela sat back a bit and had to seriously consider her next action; one false move could prove devastating for her and her child, which was the most important thing. But this went way beyond her and Anna now, no matter what it could also prove to be deadly for Mercy, Angel, and Collins… granted, she didn't know them. Mika and Lucas died two years after Mercy was born and Marcela had already been out of the group before she got a chance to meet the child. The worst thing of all was that it was the two people Sam had most personal conflict with that were taking care of this child, the daughter of the two people whom he considered his best, most loyal friends and they betrayed him. He was gonna _flip_.

Seeing his ex's nervousness, Donovan reached across the table and rubbed her hands with his, and smiled sweetly. His still loved this gorgeous woman and wished more than anything he could protect her and her child… he didn't care either way about Angel and Collins and this child; he tried not to associate himself with that aspect of Sam's life anymore. But this was way out of league… and Marcela's.

"Go to Sam. He'll know what to do."

**2 HOURS LATER – WITH ANGEL, COLLINS, AND MERCY**

"Hey you!" Angel greeted Collins, leaping into his arms and kissing him fiercely; passionately. Collins had barely got through the front door after arriving home – he only had one class that day and was looking forward to hanging out at home and just relaxing for probably the first real time in almost three days. With Mercy at home, that meant Angel was more preoccupied and less stressed out, which meant in turn Collins was less stressed. He stumbled back in surprise, as the weight of his petite lover sent him back against the wall, and his laugh was muffled by Angel's lips crushing his own. Mercy watched from the sofa, now and giggled at the sight – it was funny and affection she had not witnessed that much in her life.  
Finally being able to pull away just enough to catch his breath, Collins managed to keep Angel back long enough to get a good look at him.

"Hey beautiful," he replied and kissed his forehead. "What's got into you?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Angel exclaimed, happily, hugging him closely. "Just happy you're home is all, because I love you! I missed you so much!"

Closing the door properly, Collins paused and looked at him, semi-seriously. "I'm not dying am, I?"

"No!" Angel swatted his arm.

"Ooookay… Are you okay?"

"I'm _fine_!" Angel grew frustrated. "Can't I just be happy to have my man home?"

Deciding, wisely, to take Angel at his word, Collins nodded and smiled. "Happy to be home, sweetheart," he kissed him again and looked up to see Mercy waiting for her greeting. Angel helped him out of his coat and he then walked over to her, still smiling from ear to ear and knelt down, placing his hands on her arms. Mercy studied his eyes very carefully, like Angel had told her to… looking for that sparkle. The smile was there, but she was determined to find that little sparkle that would tell her that he was happy she was there and that she wasn't a burden. Any child who had been through traumatic periods wants to please the authority figures in her life… she wanted to be sure that this was real. Genuine. That once and for all she could trust him, without feeling guilty of being there. She blinked again, and Collins could tell she was trying to think of something, to understand something…

"Hey gorgeous," he whispered and brushed his hand against her cheek. "How you doing?"

At first she didn't respond and held onto his shoulders for a bit of support. How could she know if he really did care? This was harder than she imagined; Angel made it sound so easy, though she had been with Collins a lot longer. He then looked back at Angel who shrugged in response and hung back to wait and see what was gonna happen; even he saw that Mercy was taking his advice. It wasn't that hard, the kid just had to know where to look.

The kid caught Collins' eye contact again and sighed… he had to care, right? He wasn't uncaring, he wasn't hurtful, but Mercy wanted to know for herself, she was sick and tired of not knowing who genuinely cared about her and who was faking it. And most of the people she had met didn't necessarily fake it as they did not actually care about her. She wanted to know for sure.

"Mercy?" he then got up and sat down next to her, and in that same swift moment of moving, he lifted her up and seated her on his lap. With her head on his chest, Mercy felt the soothing beating of his heart and relaxed a little. Collins raised her head just enough to look in her eyes, sensing something wasn't quite right. "Everything okay, beautiful?"

Angel watched for her reaction and wished he had some way to convince her, now that it was okay… her emotional state was about as complex as his own, and Collins was so strong for being so willing to put up with them both. He walked over to sit down across from them and caught her eyes long enough so she could see him wink and that gave her a little more confidence. To be in a strange new home under entirely new, different circumstances as with the last home she was at, Mercy was overwhelmed as any girl her age would be.

"Mercy?" Collins tried again, rocking her gently. "Look at me…"

She did.

"What's the matter?"

No reply. He looked to Angel for answers, though he simply shrugged and didn't say anything in response.

"Can I ask you something?" Mercy asked softly.

"Yeah, course," he replied, his tone heavy with confusion. "What's up?"

She opened her mouth to ask him directly, against what Angel advised her, but stopped before she could get even a syllable out. There it was. Not in the smile, but the concern in his voice and that sparkle… just like Angel had told her! So it was true; Collins wanted her there as much as Angel did. A weight was lifted off the child's shoulders and her face broke out into a wide grin, and she sat up. In an instant her arms around his neck and as she did with Angel, Mercy gave him a nice kiss and was on the verge of going nuts with happiness. The little five-year-old orphaned girl, who was starting to believe that there was no such thing as love and had no one to love, suddenly had two people who restored everything that she always wanted – that she never got from her parents (she never got that chance to get it from them). Angel bit his lip, loving it… he was, again, right and Mercy had taken his words to heart. Collins, though somewhat taken off guarded and confused with it all, didn't complain and returned the hug and kiss and then she jumped up, off his lap.

"I gotta go to the bathroom…" Mercy sheepishly grinned and ran off, turning the corner of the room and out of sight a second later. Collins and Angel glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

_BANG, BANG, BANG_

Angel shrieked and jumped up; Collins almost having a stroke at the sudden beating of the front door, not too far away, that broke the relative peace.

"Fuck," he cried and stood up, and bumped into Angel, and he tripped over but was caught before he hit the floor.

"Collins!"

"Oww! _Sorry_!"

"Shit!"

"I _said_ sorry!"

"Get the door!"

They untangled themselves from each other and Angel straightened his clothes and Collins rubbed his arm which had been accidentally squashed by his own weight against the sofa due to the initial shock of the knocking. He scowled and stepped around the side of the table and headed for the door, and was almost there when a familiar voice called out to them.

"ANGEL? COLLINS? Open the door!"

"Mimi?" Collins called back and opened the door. A flustered Mimi Marquez was catching her breath, having run up the multiple flights of stairs to get to their apartment – she wasn't in a rush, but she had to tell them what Marcela had confided in her as soon as possible. The last thing that would be good for them now was for her to back out and lose her nerve. Angel came up behind his lover, slipping his arm around his waist and both were shocked to see her, more specifically, in that state.

"Hey," she breathed, leaned against the door frame. "Guys, we gotta talk."

"Honey, _what_ have you been doing?" Angel asked, amused, eyeing her up and down from head to toe.

"I'm serious!" Mimi pushed her way into the apartment and turned around to face them. "It's about Mercy. It's about her parents…"

Angel shut the door. "Her parents?"

"Yeah… they were murdered!"

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ So a few hard-hitting revelations: Mika, one of the names on the note, is Mercy's mother. She and her husband, Lucas Raymond, were murdered after betraying Samuel. And now Angel and Collins are caring for her, so in the next chapter… Marcela finds herself having no choice but to go to Sam, fearing for her life and the life of her daughter. Mimi explains what she was told to a very shocked Collins and Angel.**


	12. Old Friends

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 12: Old Friends**

**_SUMMARY:_ Mimi explains what Marcela told her to Angel and Collins; Marcela finds herself going to Sam.**

* * *

Collins held his lover as he shook uncontrollably, still recovering from the devastating blow of this latest twist to the tale. Angel stared at the floor, his bottom lip quivering – the blow had been like getting crushed by a freight train; this couldn't be happening again! Mercy's parents were murdered? Mimi sympathetically rubbed her best friend's hands, feeling a little guilty for laying this on them like that so soon, but she figured they needed to know. Marcela had told her a lot, though not everything… certainly not the part of Sam's involvement. All she revealed was that Lucas and Mika Raymond had been heavyweight drug pushers for a rising criminal organization in which she used to be apart of; but when Lucas almost OD'd on some bad stuff, and when Mika found out she was pregnant with Mercy, they decided to get out. When the group's leaders refused to let them go, they decided to cop out and assist the police in cracking down on them, and thus you can understand the ultimate betrayal Samuel and Julian felt. Marcela never mentioned Sam and Julian's names to Mimi, but didn't leave out most of the juicy stuff. What Mimi had learned and subsequently relayed to Angel and Collins was that after the organisation's leaders found out that Mika and Lucas betrayed them, they sent someone out to take care of the situation. Mercy's parents had given up the dark life almost completely by the time she was born and had gone into witness protection after cooperating with the police. When Mercy was eighteen months old, the other person on the note she had, Stephanie Sanderson, met up with her parents insisting that she had gotten out. Stephanie and Mika were best friends when they ran drugs together, but lost contact after she and Lucas got out, and though they treated her with skepticism, they both allowed her back into their lives. Within a month, they were dead and Mercy was taken into custody by the Department of Child Services, and thus into the system she went. Apparently, Stephanie had given them a lethal dose of bad junk Sam cooked up, by slipping it into their drinks. Mimi barely had the energy or the will to continue on, but she knew they'd want to know everything. She sighed.

"Apparently… what Marcela told me… was that Lucas died first, at home. After Stephanie did her thing, she left… but Mika wasn't dead, though she was close to it. She called the cops and wrote out the note that you found, Ang, for Mercy." She paused a minute to regain her composure; to keep going. "Marcela only found out about it when Stephanie's sister told her, when she was baby sitting Anna – Marcela's daughter. Mika died that night in hospital… from what Marcela told me, Mercy was in her arms when she died."

Angel buried his face in his hands, not caring that his make up was running in rivers down his face… the tragic story this child and her parents went through; it was sickening! Mercy was the most beautiful child ever, and her parents were ruthlessly taken away from her just for trying to straighten their lives. This was the kind of thing that Angel had seen more the once, and it was heart wrenching. Collins kissed him tenderly and whispered comforting words that only he could hear – this was no less of a shock to him either. That note was given to Mercy by her mother as she lay dying in hospital, which was horrifying.

"And this Stephanie person is in jail?" he asked her, seeing Angel was in no position to string together multiple syllable words, let alone actual sentences. Mimi nodded.

"From what I was told, yeah. It was bad, she told me. They were in way deep, and they wanted to get out for Mercy's sake, and… it got them killed…" she explained, pulling her jacket around her tighter for some extra warmth, to calm the nerves she was experiencing. She never wanted to do this to them – Angel was bit of a wreck now and Collins was still… stoned. No, not from the pot this time, but from the pure twisted ness of this new information, which now had to factor into how they took care of this kid. One day she would want to learn of the fate of her mom and dad, and how was anyone going to explain it to her in a way that would not make her get hysterical? The simple fact was, there was no way Mercy would not arrive at this news without tears and pain, and even anger.

"Whoa…" Collins muttered. "Okay, this is surreal. And where's Marcela in all this? She ran with this 'crew'?"

"For a few years, with her boyfriend at the time, yeah… that's all I know, guys. I'm really sorry," Mimi quickly replied. She didn't mean to cause them stress but no matter what this was gonna come out; and she had been in a lucky position to find out this at all – right place at the right time, and lucky to be friends with Marcela. Oh boy, if she could find this Stephanie person… if she could get her alone… Mimi was angry. Pissed off. A new twist that was sure to bring devastation to not just them, or the kid, but to the whole group once more. Things couldn't get worse than they did last year, right?

"This is so fucking insane," Angel looked up at them, finding the ability to talk once more, though the words were broken up by constant sobs. "How… who were they? Did she say who ordered them dead?"

"No," Mimi confessed. "But I get the feeling she does know. Maybe she's just too scared… the barely got out of it with her life and her daughter's life. I dunno. You gotta ask her."

"Tell me where she is, and I _will_," Collins growled, darkly. If this friend of Mimi's had anymore information that they needed to know, then he wouldn't hesitate in going to get it from her. Mimi had been here for close to fifteen minutes now, and when Mercy had come back into the room after her bathroom break, Angel immediately sent her to the back once more. She knew something was wrong, but didn't press the issue any further – Mercy knew when to keep her mouth shut and do what she's told, from experience… the physical scars she had proved that when she disobeyed adults, she would be punished. And although she had fallen in love with these two people, she didn't know whether it would be the same with them if she directly and purposefully disobeyed instructions. So she went back to her bedroom and Angel brought her some paper and pencils and told her to draw them some pretty pictures, and she was more than happy to oblige. Meanwhile, in the living room, the atmosphere was a lot darker; the tone serious. Angel sat on Collins' lap, gripping his shirt with so much force it was about to rip, so much of him not wanting to believe what Mimi was saying – though she had no reason to lie, and certainly no reason to make any of this up.

"I'd love to, Tom, except I only get to see her at work," Mimi told him, sadly, and turned to Angel. "Sweetie, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay," Angel smiled and reached out to touch her cheek. "Nothing keeps me down, chica."

"What are you gonna tell Mercy?" the Latina S&M dancer asked, her concern switching from them to the child at the centre of all this. If only they knew the rest of the story, then maybe things could be sorted out easier, but emotions would've been even worse. Don't worry, they'll find out soon enough, but for now they were soaking in the information about Mercy's parents. Major drug pushers, who turned away from that darkened road for the sake of their infant child, only to be murdered for it and their daughter left to fend for her self in a cold, heartless world that feigned compassion and love while secretly turning away from her. Such was the fate for a lot of children, sadly, but unknowingly Mercy was going to prove to be more special to them than any other child could.

"No!" Angel and Collins replied in unison.

"You think we're crazy, Mims?" Collins added, shaking his head.

"Well… I guess that depends on who you ask," Angel giggled, hating the depressive atmosphere. "I don't know about you, honey, but me…"

"Oh that's cute."

"Thank you, I know I am."

"So what are you gonna tell her?" Mimi pressed, concernedly. "Anything?"

"Nothing." The professor affirmed.

"Oh."

"Mims, don't you think she's been through enough?" Angel reasoned, slightly shifting his position on Collins' lap. "We're supposed to look after her, not destroy her… besides, she's five. What would she understand?"

"All I'm saying, Ang, is that she's been through a lot… seen more and knows more than other kids her age. You're gonna have to find out what she knows, if anything—"

"She told me, when she was looking for the note, that she didn't know what it meant."

"Doesn't mean she doesn't know anything."

"Mimi!"

"Collins! I'm just saying that I told you all I know. When I see Marcela again I'll call you, but if you wanna know more you might have to ask her, that's all," Mimi back stepped, defensively, momentarily forgetting that they were getting quite protective of the child, understandably. She knew they weren't gonna say anything to the kid and that was fine, she didn't expect them too. But Marcela had to come clean about everything, and Mimi was determined to find out.

**1 HOUR LATER**

Mimi had left, after Angel made her promise to try track down where Marcela was, and now they were left to think things through on their own. Collins was lying on the sofa, stretched out, with Angel lying in his arms. With his head on his lover's chest, Angel let out a wistful sigh and allowed himself to be swept up in the moment, the protective and loving embrace was the only thing keeping them both sane right now. After checking on Mercy a few minutes ago, she was still happily drawing away, content and not at all suspecting anything was wrong. Collins kissed the top of Angel's head and his hands slid down to his stomach, slipping underneath his shirt. Angel's warm skin was of some comfort and peace and was soft… smooth like butter. Angel shifted a little but otherwise settled into a comfortable position, hearing his lover's heart beat. The soft, sensual, constant beating was as peaceful as a song, which would one day, sooner or later, have to end, which made it ever the more difficult for them not to appreciate each other. Angel locked hands with him and kissed his fingers…

"So… what now?"

"What?"

Angel's breathing sharpened and he started hyperventilating with each second that passed with thoughts of Mercy the only thing he could think of. Her safety. She was happy now; he saw it when he looked in on her a few minutes earlier… her parents were murdered by drug dealers, and although she was too young to remember, one day the dark history would be revealed to her just how strongly she is connected to these people. Whoever ordered the murders of Mika and Lucas Raymond, parents of an innocent child, who wanted to move on with their lives… obviously had no regard for human life. Mercy could be in real danger and the sudden urge to keep her in their sights at all times became too overwhelming. Collins felt his girl's muscles tighten though before he could react to calm him down, Angel sat straight up and looked down at him.

"Collins, we gotta protect her…"

The anarchist frowned. "What? Angel you know we will, baby," he stroked Angel's back sweetly. "We'll take care of her." Those words had no calming affect whatsoever on Angel's rising paranoia.

"Drug dealers murdered her parents, Tom! For all we know they could be out there looking for her or something! Who knows how sick she could've gotten because her mom was a crack addict—"

"Angel!"

But Angel paid no heed to Collins' words for him to calm down and get a hold of himself and got to his feet; the sudden change to a vertical position causing his head to swim a little, dizziness set it for just a few seconds before subsiding. Collins also sat up and made a reach for Angel, who moved out of the way to avoid his grip and turned around enough – Collins saw him beginning to cry. _Shit…_ he thought. _Not again… Jesus Christ, not again_! He didn't verbalise his frustrations (for his own safety), and went to Angel's side.

"Angel, calm down! She's safe now; she's not going anywhere!"

"Collins, we gotta protect her – I…" Angel stopped to catch his breath which felt like it was somehow lodging in his throat. The reality was, he was developing a deep paranoia for the child and his instincts to care and protect her like a lioness with her cub were raging at full force. He pressed his hands against Collins' chest and looked up into his eyes, desperation not masked by his fear. "We can't leave her, we can't let her go, baby…"

"Angel, it's over! She's safe… no one's gonna get her!"

"We can't give them the chance!" Angel cried and fled from the room – in a second, he had disappeared down the hall, presumably to go be with Mercy. Collins didn't bother to follow; nothing he said now was going to get through to him. Angel often enough needed to calm down on his own, it was hard for others, including Collins, to get through to him when he was this upset. Maybe a few minutes alone would help… both of them. The professor of computer-age philosophy sighed, dejectedly, and looked around. The only noise that could be heard now was the consistent droning of the television, which was had stopped airing children's programs and had moved on to morning talk shows. He picked up the remote and casually turned the television off, rendering the entire apartment silent – not even Angel, through his growing hysterics and paranoia, could be heard from where Collins was standing. In the middle of apartment, all he could think to do was remember what Mimi had told them. The pressures this was now gonna cause – every time he and Angel looked at Mercy, they'd know that her parents were killed by violent drug dealers, and that should she be staying with them permanently (most likely she would be), they'd have to be the ones to explain to her what happened. The worse, and more likely scenario, was that both Angel and Collins would be dead by the time she got to the age where she'd fully be able to understand and appreciate the nature of what happened to her parents. That could be another problem… losing he mother and father, and then losing Angel and Collins, who were like pseudo-parents to her. And now Angel was working him self up into a frenzied state of paranoia that could worsen the situation if he didn't get a grip anytime soon. Finding nothing else to do that could help his lover or the child, he resigned himself to finishing off doing the dishes which Angel was _supposed_ to do this morning.

He walked into the kitchen and approached the basin. There was only a small pile of dishes and cutlery to finish off, which was a relief and drained the basin of the remaining water Angel had used to start the job this morning. Turning on the tap and letting the warm water flow into the sink, Collins felt a headache coming on… the coming few weeks would most likely be vital in what happened with Mercy, and the stress was starting to show. Not just with these new developments, but with just raising a child in general. They weren't experienced in child-rearing, and it's as close as they'd ever get to having a family of their own – and yes, Collins did know how much Angel adored children. He picked up the now empty bowl that Mercy used for her breakfast this morning and stared at it… doing this every day? On top of caring for Angel who was probably going to have a nervous breakdown, and this new information regarding Mercy's mother and father. It was all too much, and he was the one who was gonna have to carry the most of the stress on his back… and he was more than willing to assume it, and any other burden. But it didn't make it any less stressful.

Meanwhile, Angel stood outside Mercy's bedroom door and leaned against the door frame, and it was taking all his will power to not cry or make any sound. Mercy was completely unaware of his presence and was colouring in a picture she drew while humming softly. The corruption that surrounded her from birth had no adverse on her outlook on life and that was a miracle in itself. Angel bit his lip and his hand rest also on the door frame… it was so hard to know what to feel now. Happy that she was safe; fear for the possibility she could be in danger; anger for what she had to go through… Angel's heart was so big that it was possible for him to experience all these emotions at once, which may be why his personality was the way it was. Not able to resist holding her anymore, Angel stood up straight and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his t-shirt and knocked on the door and the pushed it open to get through. Mercy looked up and grinned when she saw who it was and stopped drawing.

"Angel!" she cried happily. Her smile disappeared when she saw he had been crying and the poor attempts to hide it. "What's wrong?"

Angel got down on his knees next to her and put one hand on her back and the other on her tummy. "Baby, I'm good. I'm good, I promise," he assured her. "Having fun?"

"You're sad…"

"No I'm not!" he mocked being offended by that notion, though Mercy saw right through the transparent attempt to reassure her that he was okay. "Okay, maybe a little." He conceded. Mercy then did the only thing she knew she could that could distract Angel from whatever problem he was having. She offered him a crayon and Angel burst out laughing, and accepted it and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, baby."

Mercy then pushed a few pieces of blank paper to Angel as a silent incentive to join in the joy of creating life on paper. They went to work and for a few minutes everything was quite... kind of serene. Mercy looked up again and looked at Angel who was busy drawing something.

"What's wrong, Angel?"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, okay?" he replied.

"But—"

"Uh, uh!" he held his index finger to her lips to quiet her down. "Shh… we can't stifle the creative process, baby. No bad energies, okay?"

"I—"

"Stop! Nope! I put my foot down here. We're gonna make fabulous pictures for Collins okay? He's been a little stressed out lately so we're gonna make him feel better, k?" with that devilishly charming smile, turned back to his drawing and Mercy pouted.

"What about you? Are you still sad? I don't want you to be sad, Angel. Angels are supposed to be happy!"

Again, Angel stopped what he was doing and sat back, and Mercy crawled into his lap, and together they sat there. "Sweetie, it's cool, I promise. I just got a little bit of a shock today, you know? But I'm okay, I swear… being here with you makes me feel a LOT better!"

"Really?"

"Yup! And now it's our job to make Collins feel a lot better, so you're gonna help me, right?"

"Okay!"

Angel squealed and clapped excitedly. "Yay! We're gonna do the best pictures ever."

**1 HOUR LATER – 3:34 PM – PRISON**

Seeing Samuel Michaels walk into the visitors' room again; she hadn't moved since Donovan left… well, except to request visitation with Sam. And they agreed, despite the fact Samuel was once upon a time a maximum security prisoner until a technicality in his case, as well as Julian's, got them both reduced sentences to fifteen years each. He was cold… ice cold. Sam resisted an urge to smile at the nervousness the very notion of her talking to him instilled in Marcela, proof that he still had his hold over her. He wasn't at all too please when she left the group so long ago now, and the only reason she was alive now was because Donovan had pleaded to let her and Anna live. Prison life only hardened Sam further and to have control was the name of the game… it was all about control, and not letting yourself fall into vulnerable positions.

With his wrists and ankles shackled, he needed to be escorted to where Marcela was, and as he approached, her trembles became more violent and all she wanted was to run as fast as she can; get away from him. She was here to help Mimi and her friends, not because she was loyal to Sam… and because she wanted to keep her and Anna safe. The guard escorted him to the table and helped him sit down; and then whispered a few words of warning to him and then left the former colleagues to each other. The chatter of families and friends visiting other inmates straight away muted until nothing could be heard. They stared at each other, though Marcela had to look away first. The evilness that possessed Sam was intoxication and it sucked life out of people – it was hard to imagine who could be so inhumane, but seeing Sam for the first time in years… now it wasn't so hard. Sam didn't know why she was here; why Marcela wanted to visit him out of the blue for the first time in years… he remembered distinctly being told by Donovan that she wanted nothing to do with them anymore. So why was she here now? This had to be good. Sam couldn't take his eyes off her, though she couldn't maintain eye contact with him and it gave you an idea of the power structure that still existed; the power he had accumulated over people during his years on the street. He couldn't help but feel vindicated by that, seeing her physical response – her _discomfort_ – was a visual confirmation of Sam's ability to intimidate and manipulate, even behind bars.

"Marcela," he finally spoke and she shuddered. His voice was just as cold and creepy as she remembered it. "Good to see you. It's been, what…"

"Six years," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "Hi, Sam."

He chuckled and clasped his hands on the table. "And how's life been? Got rid of the stench of the streets, yet? I hear the stains, after a while, don't wash out…"

"I stopped turning tricks a long time ago," Marcela told him, coldly. "I'm better than that."

"You're no better than the rest of us, _sweetheart_," Sam darkened his glare and licked his lips. "You pushed the same stuff we did. Bought the same weapons; sold the same drugs… recruited the same children. Don't pretend you're better than us. You were always trash. _My _trash… you're just lucky I liked Donovan too much, and that he gave you a way out."

Marcela closed her eyes and absorbed the verbal abuse, though her hands clenched into fists, and it didn't pass Samuel by. He smirked and inhaled deeply, satisfied that he had made his point – she didn't deny it; she couldn't, because she knew her history, her past, as well as he did. No point lying about it now. She stretched out her fingers which were shaking very badly at this point and the note, which she had in her hand… she didn't want to show this to him, it would be so wrong and a betrayal of Mimi's trust. What choice did she have anymore? Sam yawned, a clear indication that he was bored and not bothered by her presence… she's insignificant to him.

"That's not far Sam," she replied finding a miniscule of strength. "You know it. Don't think I don't know what you did last year… I know all about it…"

"You and the whole world, darling," he hissed. "You're nothing special."

"And neither are you!" Marcela snapped. "That's why you're here, Sam. You're as much a failure as the rest of us."

Startled at her change in demeanor, Sam was scathing inside and scowled. "Whatever you say, Marcela. But there's no point sitting here spinning our wheels… you're here for a reason. I don't think it's a social call now, is it? What is it that you want?"

This was it – now or never, and staring into those dead eyes, Marcela found strength but couldn't express it – that was the kind of power Samuel held over his people over the years. The discipline, the charm, the way with words… only one of pure strength could resist it. Collins, for one, did. There was some reassurance in that not everyone was powerless and would fold to Sam's will. She played with the note between her thumb and index finger and Sam watched her… his eyes didn't leave her, not once since they first came into contact and it demonstrated his confidence that whatever she wanted, he could deal with.

"I… I… um, I…" she stuttered and stumbled over her own tongue; all of a sudden her confidence had gone as quickly as it came. "I, uh…"

"In case you haven't noticed, _Marcela_," Sam interrupted. "I'm kinda on a strict schedule here. Get it out. What is it that you wanna say?" as always, he spoke in a way that could send chills down your spine; the menacing tone giving the impression that even from behind bars he could get you and your family – you can't hide. She brought herself to look up and meet his eyes, the connection locked ticked and she was drawn to him like a magnet.

"Something's come up…" she whispered. "Something bad."

"Excuse me?"

"It's, um… it's…"

"Marcela!"

"It's-about-Mika-and-Lucas!" she spat out so fast it wasn't clear if the words made any sense or if Sam even heard her. He almost fell off the seat from shock at hearing the two names he thought he had forever rid the world of… Lucas and Mika Raymond? No fucking way. Sam blinked many times but still her expression remained the same – terrified and without a clue of what to do next. His heart rate increased tenfold and this was an issue he thought he took care of three years ago, before he had the issues with Angel and Collins – hell, even before he had seen Collins again. This was before that… when he found out that they were the ones who cooperated with the police and sent half their crew to prison; Sam and Julian and the others had gone into hiding that's the only reason they had not been caught. And there were other reasons he wanted Lucas and Mika dead… one very important reason, actually. Specifically, he wanted Lucas dead more than Mika, but she deserved it just as much. They betrayed him and almost destroyed everything, including his life… until Collins and his bitch whore girlfriend, Angel, did it for them. So he sent Stephanie, Mika's best friend, to take care of them and being the strung out and loyal follower that she was, she did so… a dog eat dog world in the world of drugs, and she was ever loyal to Sam… he was more important to her than the friendship with Mika, because he kept giving her what she needed. So she killed Mika and Lucas… and now Stephanie is doing twenty five years to life after being convicted of two counts of murder in the first degree. Yet she still didn't turn on Samuel and Julian… she never confessed that they hired her to kill them in exchange for drugs. This was all running through Sam's mind, every aspect of it that was associated to the Raymond's.

"Mika and Lucas?" his voice wavered with emotion and was now brought down off his high horse. "Wh…" he looked back up at her and Marcela was trying to study what he was thinking. Sam wasn't about to let that happen. "Wh… I don't get it… Stephanie took care of them three years ago. What fucking game are you playing, Marcella?" his eyes hardened.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

She hesitated. "What… what did you tell Stephanie to do with the kid?"

Sam was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Marcela was really pushing her luck here. "What?"

"Mika and Lucas' daughter. Mercy. When they caught her, the child wasn't with her… what happened? Did you order her killed, too? But then… they never found the body…" Marcela knew Mercy was alive, but wanted to know what Sam knew. If he ordered Stephanie to get the child out of the way too, she wanted to know… could Sam be so cruel as to actually make a hit out on a two year old?

"I don't know what you're talking about—" great. The asshole was going to deny it.

"Stop it, Samuel!" Marcela demanded. "Don't play stupid – you know as well as I do the reason they left was to take care of that girl. You knew that Mika wanted out because she was pregnant."

"I didn't order Stephanie to kill their damn baby!" Sam insisted, angrily. "I told her to kill them, that's it. Why?"

Marcela pushed the note across the desk to him… she should've given it back to Mimi but instead of putting it back in Mimi's jacket like she promised, she took it. There was something more important it was needed for. Sam looked at it.

"Stephanie's PIN number, and Mika? What's this got to do with me?"

"That's Mika's handwriting," Marcela informed him. "I'd know it anywhere, she was one of my best friends. She wrote it on the day she died, in the hospital… I know, because I talked to Stephanie. Word travels. About two minutes before she died, she slipped it into an item of Mercy's clothing… she knew she was dying and she wanted Mercy to know the truth one day. Mika knew," each word filled with more venom. "She knew it was you that ordered Stephanie to do it… and she wanted Mercy to know the truth one day."

Sam didn't know what to make of this… why was Marcela here with this now? He had nothing to do with Mercy Raymond now, not that he ever did. He got rid of her parents for what they did to him and she wasn't a factor in any of it… well, that was a lie. She was a factor, but not in the way you might think. "I don't get it…" he replied slowly. Marcela sighed.

"Think about it, Sam," she harshly instructed. "Where do you think I got this?"

"So? I don't know what happened to the kid afterwards, for all I know you took her…"

"I didn't. I haven't even met the kid. The point is, this came from Mercy…"

Puzzled, Sam shook his head. "But if you didn't know her, then—"

"From what I was told, Mercy's been mistreated ever since entering the system. She ran away from her foster parents and has been living on the street until someone took her in… some people…" Marcela had been told enough, by Mimi, of what actually went down between Sam and Angel and Collins… plus it had been all over the news. Telling him now was going to set him off when he would realize they were caring for her… Sam would hate to know that the two people he was betrayed by, that their daughter was being cared for by the two people he hated most. The reason would become clear later, but it would be like being betrayed all over again… the point is, if Mercy was to keep this note, that would put at risk someone finding out Sam's role in the death of her parents. So yes, he'd want to know.

"What people?"

"My friend brought the note to me. Sam, this isn't good… I'm not sure you should even know…"

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I want to stay alive!" she cried, exasperated. "And I want my daughter to stay alive, okay? I know you still have connections… Donnie told me to come to you. It's not like I want to be here."

Sam slammed his hand down on the table and Marcela jumped what felt like a mile into the air, her heart almost exploding out of her chest cavity with the force of the shock rippling through her. It actually hurt. "God dammit, Marcela! What's this got to do with me?"

"The person who gave it to me, was…" she trailed off. She didn't wanna say this next part; his reaction was gonna be titanic. He leaned forward, expectantly, and knew this was serious if she was so reluctant to tell him. "I… I don't know if I—"

"Marcela, honey, tell me now."

"Do you, um, know someone… Mimi Marquez?"

Sam thought. The name sounded familiar, but… "No." was his reply and Marcela breathed a small sigh of relief, a little prematurely since she would have to go all out and tell him that she was best friends with Angel Schunard and Tom Collins. She would have rather he figured it out for himself, but now that wasn't an option. Prison food must be rotting his brain or something. She took the note back and shoved it into her pocket, and looked around, hoping to not attract attention.

"Marcela, I'm warning you…"

"Mimi Marquez-is-best-friends-with-Angel-and-Collins-and-they're-the-ones-who-are-looking-after-Mercy-after-they-found-her-in-the-street-and-I-didn't-tell-them-about-you-only-that-her-parents-were-murdered-and-that-they-were-drug-dealers…" she said all in one breath, and burst into tears, not looking at him. It was a good thing she wasn't seeing his reaction too, because if she was, she'd see the rage slowly rising up his neck, pulsating through the veins, the redness rising as well… the veins at the side of his neck were now pumping so fast it was creepy. The rage in his eyes turned them black and it was a truly horrifying sight. Samuel Michaels let out an agonizingly bloodcurdling scream.

**AT COLLINS' AND ANGELS APARTMENT – 4:45 PM**

Angel dragged Mercy up by her arms and then they picked up their drawings off the ground. Angels, love hearts, stars, ducks, flowers, sheep… everything lovely and pretty they drew. Angel's artistic talent got the better of him while Mercy's was the standard for a five year old… not very coordinated, but she was very proud that she coloured between the lines and was convinced that her pictures were better than Angel's, and naturally Angel agreed. Now, they were ready to go show Collins their masterpieces – the professor had yet to check in on them, no doubt to give Angel his space to calm down and play with Mercy. And Angel was calmer now, and they had fun… but protecting Mercy was the most important thing to both of them now and they were… well, _Angel_ was determined to not let the child out of their sight and was not in the mood to go anywhere tonight. He made a mental note to ask Collins to call the loft later on and let them know that they were not going to be there tonight. Mercy tugged on his shirt, and he looked down to see her gesturing to be picked up.

"Up!" she demanded.

_Wow… pretentious little princess… I'm so proud!_

"Umm… no!" Angel teased.

"Pleeeeeeeeease?" she whined, sticking out her bottom lip and clasping her hands together.

"Mercy, you can walk!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Meanie!"

Angel responded to that by sticking his tongue out and she did the same thing.

"Please Angel?"

Angel rolled his eyes. "Stop doing that! You know I can't resist that…"

"I know!" she grinned and did the same thing again, this time working her eyes too. "Please?"

Angel knelt down and with one arm, after Mercy happily put her arm around his shoulders, he lifted her up and when she was properly in lifted, he kissed her cheek and she returned the favour. In his other hand, he held the drawings and also had to figure out how to open the door when both arms were occupied. The answer was obvious. They went over to the door and Angel knelt down low enough and said...

"Open," he instructed her and Mercy reached out to the door handle and turned it, yanking the door open in the process and Angel stood back up straight. Being as slender and petite as he was, he was surprised that he could hold the girl with such ease but she was small, even for her age. Very light. Out in the hallway, Mercy pulled the door closed behind her and Angel walked them down the hall into the living room, and frowned when they found it empty. Collins wasn't where he left him, and that wasn't surprising given how Angel ran from the room and didn't care at the time what Collins did. They both looked around for a few seconds and then from the direction of the kitchen, the sound of crockery being handled captured their attention and Angel carried her into there. There, standing in front of one of the cabinets, Collins was stacking plates as neatly as possible. Normally he wouldn't bother to be so careful with such things, but now with Mercy living with them, no chances could be taken. They would have the child proof this place. Even from behind him, Angel could see that something was bothering him… and yes he did feel partly responsible. When he ran out of the room, he left his lover in confusion and it must have been weird…

Mercy gripped Angel's neck tighter and sensed the tension there. She looked at Angel who returned the look, and neither knew what to say at that point.

"Hey, sweetheart!" Angel called to Collins, who stopped what he was doing and looked behind him to see his girls standing there. He smiled and turned around, placing the plate on the kitchen counter and wiped his hands on a paper towel.

"Hey," he replied wearily. "You seem to be doing better."

Angel shrugged and winked. "I'm okay. Actually we've got something for you!"

"Something for me?"

Mercy nodded and grinned, cheekily. "We made these for you, Collins!" she tapped Angel's shoulder and he held up several sheets of paper and Collins chuckled, realising what they had done. How adorable. Both of them had the same wonderfully adorable, yet cheeky smile on their faces and he approached them. Placing his hands on Angel's elbows, he kissed them both and took the pictures from them. It wasn't hard to distinguish who's was who's, but they were all so thoughtful anyway and they did make him feel better. Concerns for Angel's welfare, as well as Mercy's was still high, he hadn't forgotten about it but they seemed okay for now and it was a really nice thought. A good distraction.

"I got it between the lines!" Mercy exclaimed, excitedly. He looked up at her.

"I can see, baby. Well done, it's really, really…" he trailed off and let it sink in. "Beautiful."

He traced his fingers over the black outlines of the pretty bird Mercy had drawn, which was coloured in bright pink, yellow, green, blue, and purple colours mixed together and the feelings tying knots in his chest was telling him just how special this child was. Angel moved enough to stand next to Collins to see the pictures properly, to see which one he was focused on. It was the kind of thing Angel would do – bright colours, flair, style… all to be noticed.

"Now _that's_ gorgeous!" he commented lightly. Mercy loved the attention and the praise, because she was a child, and also because she never got praise before… it was an awesome feeling to have when someone or people in general.

"It is," Collins agreed, still staring at it. "You did this all by yourself, Mercy?"

"Yup!" she proudly declared. "Angel watched me do it."

"That, I did. Me thinks we got an artist on our hands, honey," Angel told Collins.

"Uh-huh…"

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK_

It was late in the afternoon and by all means they should've been getting ready to head to the loft, in the freezing cold, which Angel both did and did not want to attend. Quickly, he decided that they should go anyway; after all, who is to pass up a party? Either way, by the time he recollected himself, Collins had already left the kitchen to answer the door. He lowered Angel to the floor and took her hand, and led her in the same direction. Just around the corner, Collins was opening the door and there Mimi stood once more, this time more composed than the last time she paid them a visit, though the news this time was not good, just like the last time.

"Mimi, hey," he greeted her.

"Oh my God, Collins, hey," Mimi jumped into his arms and hugged him, rubbing the back of his neck and felt the warmth of his body against hers. She needed to warm up and still deliver this new development. Collins stepped aside and helped brush the snow from her thick clothing and closed the door. "Fuck it's could out there…"

"Mimi!" he pointed to the entrance way to the living room, and Mimi turned to look where he was pointing and clamped her glove-covered hand over her mouth.

"Oops," sheepishly she smiled. "Sorry. Hey, Mercy. How you doing?"

"Hi, Mimi," the little girl responded with a wave. "I'm okay."

"That's good. Hiya, Angel."

"You okay, Mims?"

"Uh huh. Just need to warm up is all."

"Yeah," Collins muttered and led her into the living room. "Come on…"

Mimi removed her jacket and set it down on the table nearby and turned back to face Angel, not sure if this was appropriate to talk about in front of the girl at the centre of it all. "I can't find Marcela," she told them. Angel stood behind Mercy, with his hands on her shoulders and Collins sat on the arm of the sofa, and felt like a smoke. Ultimate stress reliever. Oh if only he could have some marijuana around… alas, not anymore. Another sacrifice he didn't care to make.

"What do you mean, you can't find her?" he demanded to know. "I thought you work with you, you should be able to get a number or something?"

"I tried her at home, okay? She's not there. The babysitter she went to visit someone but didn't say anymore."

"Great. So where does that leave us?"

"I dunno. I'll try again tomorrow, by the way – you three coming tonight?"

Collins went to answer but Angel jumped in before him. "Come on, do you think we'd miss a party?"

"Well, I—"

"We'll be there, Mims."

Mercy stepped forward. "Do you have my note?"

Mimi knelt down in front of her. "What?"

Angel groaned – his wish that this wouldn't come up now obviously didn't come true; Mercy didn't forget and now she wanted it back.

"My note. Angel says you have it. Can I please have it back? It's really important. Mama gave it to me."

"Mercy—" Collins started, but Mimi waved for him to shut up.

"Well, Mercy we're kinda… trying to figure out what it means," she explained slowly, using words she thought Mercy would understand. "Okay? And that's what you want, right?"

Mercy shrugged. "I guess… It has mommy's name on it. I don't wanna forget."

"And you won't, sweetheart," Angel said, warmly. "We won't let you forget."

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTES:_ In the next chapter, Mark receives a phone call from Sam. Roger goes to visit him, two volatile men in a very hostile situation. Mimi, Angel, and Collins corner Marcela and she confesses all… they find out just who Mercy's parents worked for, and then betrayed… Angel has another nightmare. I must apologise in advance if the last part of this chapter seems a little rush, I was very tired when writing it and will fix it up as soon as possible.**


	13. Meeting The Past

**Uncharted Desires**

**Chapter 13: Meeting the Past**

**_SUMMARY:_ In this chapter, someone from my story 'Destroyed' returns. Also, for a break from the story so far, I'll also put a bit of emphasis on Maureen and Joanne this chapter.**

**This was a last minute decision to do this chapter, in between the other storylines I have going. I figured it would be a nice break from the growing darkness.**

**LATER THAT EVENING – AT THE LOFT – 8:52 PM**

It wasn't like a huge party or anything, but more of a get together of our favourite bohemian family and a few of their other friends from around the East Village, including some of Angel's fellow drag queen girlfriends which, as you can imagine, really added to the spice of the evening. The loft was a big place, so for the fifteen or so people that were there, there was no problem of space – the music was blaring, Angel and Mimi had 'volunteered' to be in charge of keeping the food and drink supplies rolling… and sensing the nerves of her friends, Joanne offered to supervise them. So those three were constantly in out of the kitchen all night; some were dancing; Mark had set up his camera to capture the moments of absolute hilarity; Collins and Roger were resisting all attempts by Sasha and Danni (two of Angel's drag queen friends) to get them up and dancing, too. And, who would've guessed, Maureen was attracting the most attention with her wild table dancing and singing… the centre of attention as usual. The other people at the part included mostly friends of Angel, Maureen, and Mimi and they were having a good time. All concerns of Marcela, Mercy's parents, etc. were lost, at least for a few hours. Mimi, Angel, and Collins had yet to tell Roger, Mark, and Joanne about what happened with Marcela in these latest developments… and with Joanne, they'd probably need her legal advice anyway. But for now, everyone was seemingly having a good time, and Mercy was sitting next to Collins so closely, and gripping his hand so tightly, that it looked like they might become fused together. She was having a good time, and everyone, especially Angel's friends were making a fuss about how adorable she was and each wanted to hold her and play with her. Mercy was enjoying the attention, though obviously was not yet comfortable with everyone and everything going on. There was plenty of food, drinks (including the non-alcoholic beverages for the very underage), and the music was blaring… it was all good.

Joanne walked back into the main area carrying three bottle of booze, including Jack Daniels, and Vodka, when she stopped just behind them to see Maureen dancing wildly on the table and flirtingly played with the bottom of her shirt. She was obviously getting ready to shed some material for the enjoyment of the (straight) men, including Roger and Mark, both of whom didn't mind the show. Maureen was their friend, but to them it was all the same and they played along, as they and the other guys were hooting and cheering for her to keep going. Collins looked fairly uncomfortable, Joanne could see, and Sasha and Danni (along with the other few drag queens) were also encouraging Maureen to keep going. Collins muttered something to Roger, whom he was sitting next to, and then he put his arm around Mercy; specifically, covering her eyes with his hand. The child said something inaudible to Joanne's ears, and weakly struggled against Collins' strength. She turned her eyes back to the scene unfolding on the table; with each second she was the centre of attention, Maureen got even wilder. Joanne rolled her eyes and sighed, defeated – she wasn't going to bother anymore, it was just too much trouble and she had her own life to go on with. Obviously, it didn't take Maureen long to get over the break up and she was already at work to put herself in a sexually advantageous position of having the attention of every straight man, or lesbian woman in the room. Suffice to say, there were only the straight men for her to please but she was not bothered by it. Joanne moved over to the other table and placed down the drinks she was carrying.

"Hey," a familiar voice approached her from behind. She didn't turn around as Mark stepped up beside her, lowering the camera for what probably was the first time since everyone had arrived. "You okay?"

Joanne, for once, wanted to cry… what Maureen was doing now only offered further proof, at least in Joanne's mind, that their relationship did not hold as much significance and depth as it did for the Legal Aid attorney. It hurt so badly and Maureen again did not care… and what was worst of all, it was Mark who was at her side now and would probably make things worse. "I'm fine," she mumbled, pouring herself Vodka in a shot glass. Getting trashed might be the only thing on her agenda tonight… the only reason she was here was to be with her friends, and that of course meant putting up with the performance artist with whom she shared a bed with for the past few years. Mark frowned.

"You sure? You seem a little—"

"Mark, I'm fine!" she snapped, and Mark jumped back a little in shock. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Jeez… what's your problem?"

"What's my problem? What's my fucking problem?" Joanne's tone darkened and she took the shot of Vodka and momentarily waited for the stinging, burning sensation to fade away, and opened her eyes to glare at the innocent, naïve filmmaker. Without looking away from him, she pointed to her side where Maureen was entertaining the guests. Mark glanced in that direction and immediately knew. "THAT'S my God damn problem, Cohen!"

Joanne poured herself a proper glass, this time of Jack Daniels, and then turned away from him and stormed over to the corner, falling down onto the chair. _Fuck her…_ her mind screamed. _She's not fucking worth your time anymore… you went to Harvard, you worked hard, you deserve better… her beautiful eyes can seduce twenty people – she's nothing to you anymore!_  
Mark stared after her, with the thought of maybe going to keep her company crossing his mind more than once. As much as he couldn't believe it, he actually felt sorry for the woman who took Maureen away from him. They had developed a somewhat uneasy friendship over the years, connected by their love for Maureen, so it's not like they were enemies. Quite the contrary, they were considered friends – but when it came to Maureen, things became a little more complicated. He absently played with the camera in his hands, though his mind was elsewhere… Joanne was gonna drink herself into an early coma if she didn't watch herself, and only God knows how much she has had already. So, swallowing his pride, Mark moved past other guests and approached the lawyer with caution.

"You're not okay," he commented, kneeling down next to the chair and placing the camera down next to him. A sullen Joanne Jefferson, sulking, looked at him menacingly.

"Get lost, Mark," she spat. "I don't need pity… least of all from you."

"Sure," he scoffed. "And I'm the only one who's been in that exact same position you're in. Like I don't know what it's like."

"What part of 'get lost' eludes you, Cohen?"

"I'll choose to believe that's the alcohol talking…"

"Believe whatever the hell you want."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "So you're just gonna sit here, drinking miserably all night?"

"Yep. Or until I pass out. Whatever comes first," Joanne told him. "I don't care either way."

"You're not gonna even try have fun?"

"Fun? What is fun, Mark? If fun is being forced to watch your ex-girlfriend who broke your heart throw herself like a whore at more than one guy constitutes as fun nowadays, then yeah, I'm having a blast!" she quipped, sardonically, and sipped her drink. _Okay, she's trashed… come to think of it; I don't think I've ever seen her wasted…_ Mark mused; silently… as bad as it sounds he found it oddly amusing. Joanne rarely lost it like this, and it served as a testament to how much she loved Maureen. And Mark knew what it was like to fall under Maureen Johnson's power…

"I've been there…" he muttered under his breath, intentionally out of earshot of the drunken Joanne. Having never actually seen her like this, except maybe at New Years or other festive occasions, he didn't know whether she could be a violent drunk or whatever. Doesn't matter anyway, not even she deserved to be left alone during an otherwise fun event. Mark turned his head around just enough to see that nothing had changed from the last time; Maureen's endless energy continued to radiate, bouncing off the walls. Mercy was now sitting on Collins' lap and the two were talking and sharing what looked to be an inside joke. Roger was yelling (in good nature) at Collins, for having abandoned the fight and now he was getting dragged to his feet by the two drag queens. Collins laughed at his friend being pulled into a very amusing situation, sandwiched between Sasha and Danni, their energy as endless as Maureen's. Not too far away, a few men – friends of Mimi's from the club – were standing or sitting around, another two couples (two men and their respective girlfriends) were standing or dancing. It was a party alright, and it was kickin'…

Just before he turned back to Joanne, Mark saw Mimi and Angel giggling and bringing over more food as the supplies were running low already, and both were visibly entertained by Roger's desperate pleas for help after he couldn't escape from the grips of Sasha and Danni. He then turned back to Joanne, just as she was on the verge of bursting into tears and instinctively, without any conscious thought, he moved to sit next to her and Joanne needed no invitation and slid her arms around him for comfort. Mark didn't have to say a word and to be honest, didn't know what to think when Joanne buried her face into his shirt and sobbed openly… his shirt muffled her cries, true, but also the volume of the music ensured that no one had notice Joanne's pain.

"I can't believe I fell for her…" she cried. "Her fucking games…"

Mark stroked her hair, all the while still feeling uncomfortable of being the one Joanne was crying to.

"And you warned me!" she continued. "You told me, and I still didn't listen…"

"I, uh…" Mark pushed up his glasses and struggled to find words to console her. "I wouldn't even have listened to me, you know? I was talking bullshit – I was pissed she left me for you… if I were you I sure as hell wouldn't have listened. Maureen's hold is too strong…"

"No shit!" Joanne sat up and finished off another third of her drink in one gulp; the strength of the alcoholic content was overwhelming and she coughed and spluttered, sitting forward enough and Mark pulled her hair from her face in case she did get sick. Great. This was just what he needed… Maureen and her bullshit again, he was gonna talk to her. As much as it had pained him to see her run off with Joanne to begin with, there was no way Joanne deserved to go through what he did and Maureen couldn't keep treating people like this. "She's a fucking bitch! I—"

"Ooookay, Jo," Mark interrupted her, effectively cutting her off before she said something she'd might regret later. "I think you've had enough of this…" he then reached to take her drink but she slapped his hand away and he withdrew a bit.

"No!" she hissed. "I've been through enough shit with her; I think I deserve to get smashed if I feel like it!"

"_Fine_, do whatever the hell you want to yourself…" Mark retorted. "But don't you think you should stop before you do something stupid in front of the kid?" he jerked his hand in a backwards motion in the direction to where Mercy was, and Joanne looked past him to see that she was still sitting on Collins's lap, now drinking a soda that Angel had just given her, and now Angel had joined Maureen in the dancing on the table. More hooting and howling from the men, both gay and straight (including Collins) as they started table dancing together. The normally obvious sexual undertone of such dancing was lost on Mercy and she was entertained by it, clapping along. Angel made sure not to do anything that would be considered very inappropriate. Everyone was having so much fun except Joanne and it only made her feel worse… but Mark still had a point, nonetheless. _I hate it when he does that…_ she bitterly thought.

"Whatever," she gave up and held the glass out to Mark, and he in turn, took it and drank the last remaining drops and set the glass aside. "So now what, oh wise, four-eyed one?"

It would've been funny to Mark, if she wasn't in such a pitiful state and he stood up, slinging his camera via its strap over his shoulder and held out both his hands. "You need fresh air."

"Why do you care? Now you can get back with her like you've always wanted!"

"Trust me, Maureen and I are way over… I don't want back with her."

Joanne let out a loud, liberal laugh. "Oh that's a good one, Mark."

Wisely deciding not to push her further, he would give her one last chance. "Come on. Otherwise I'll drag you back to your apartment myself."

"I don't think anyone told you, Cohen, but I don't do guys. I like _girls_!"

"Yeah, I heard," he replied, keeping his cool somewhat. "So let's go."

"No!"

Meanwhile, Angel jumped off the table and headed to the other table to get a drink. After pouring himself a drink, he turned back and looked around. It was a great night so far; he hadn't even thought about what happened earlier that day, and by the looks of it neither had Collins and Mercy. It was so strange; the image in front of him of his boyfriend and Mercy was so natural-looking. They were having fun. The warm, fuzzy feeling of life accompanied every time he looked at her was very cool… that feeling Angel lived by his entire life; the joy he spread to his friends, breathing new life back into this 'family'. Maybe now it was Mercy's turn to breathe life back into him…

"Angel! Angel!" Mercy jumped off Collins lap and ran over to him. Angel knelt down just enough so she could get her arms around his neck and he lifted her up off the ground.

"Hey baby!" he greeted her, kissing her forehead and holding her with one arm. "Having fun?"

Mercy nodded, enthusiastically. "You and Maureen dance really, really, really, really good!"

"Aww thanks!" another kiss to her temple. "Hey, what's that?"

Mercy held something up – it was a paper swan. "Look! Dante made it for me!"

Dante was one of Mimi's good customer's from the club, whom she became friends with and he was here at the party. Angel looked around and he was now talking to someone else, and then looked back at Mercy who was real pleased with it. "Oh _wow_! That's gorgeous, baby!"

"Yeah! Can I put it somewhere to keep it safe?"

_Oh the naivety of children._

"Oh course, here…" he took it from her hands and folded the swan carefully enough and then took her over to the other side of the loft, where he kept his purse and knelt down. He then let Mercy slip the swan into one of the pockets of the purse, so she could be satisfied that it would be okay. Angel stood back up straight with her still in his arms and they went back to join the main party.

"HEEEELP!" Roger cried, being dragged back and forth by Sasha. Maureen, Mimi, and Collins, and some of the other guests were in hysterics at watching him helplessly being pulled by the arms around the dance floor by Sasha.

"Lookin' good, Rog!" Collins called to him, kicking back and lifted his legs so he could stretch out on the sofa, resting them across Mimi who was now sitting next to him. Angel carried Mercy around and grinned at her, winking. She automatically caught the idea and nodded, with that same cheeky grin… so Angel approached Collins from behind, where he could not see them. But before they could do anything, over the music Angel heard a faint noise. Someone was banging on the door. Seeing that Roger was currently, umm… otherwise occupied, much to the enjoyment of others, and not seeing Mark through the crowd, Angel set Mercy down on the floor and told her to stay with Collins and Mimi. She nodded and went over to him, and he pulled her up onto his lap once more, and Angel casually skipped his way over to the front door. But before he could get there, out of the dim lightning came Mark and with him he was dragging… Joanne?

"Mark? Joanne… ohmygosh!" Angel gasped and rushed to his friends' side and helped hold her up. "Honey, what happened?"

"Pfft!" Joanne muttered, brushing him off… she didn't have the energy.

"Mark?"

"Maureen put her over the edge again," he explained with a simple shrug. Angel groaned and stopped them enough and turned a very drunken Joanne around to look at her properly.

"Baby? You in there? Still with us?"

"Hmmmmm…"

"She's gone, Ang."

"Under any other circumstances, Markie, I'd find this very entertaining," Angel said. "But this is just sad!"

"Yeah… Maureen has got to stop this shit…"

"Character flaw, honey, it's who she is…" Angel replied and looked around. "Where you taking her?"

"Back to her apartment. I figured the longer she stays here the worse it'll get for her. Hey, Ang can you do me a favour?" Mark asked, both of them struggling to keep Joanne on her feet.

"You know it!"

"While I'm getting her back, can you _please_ tell Maureen? I swear, I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd rather get these two back in the same room together rather than listen to this bitching and moaning." Mark looked a little desperate for help, and naturally Angel agreed to help.

"Sure, no probs." He replied with a wink and they both assisted Joanne to the front door. Angel opened the door and they moved to leave when something… or someone… blocked their way. Almost in sync with each other, they looked up, with Joanne still between them… and together, their jaws dropped.

"Holy shit…"

Standing just beyond the threshold was none other than…

"JULIA?" Angel screamed happily, dropping Joanne, who then crashed to the floor bringing Mark with her.

"Oww!"

Angel jumped back. "Oops!"

"Angel!"

"Sorry, Markie!"

"Wha--?" Joanne slurred, apparently unfazed, and looked around in a dazed confusion; everything blurred in a mix of dark lights and swirls.

"Shit! Great…" Angel whined but could not move to help his friends up, as he was still stunned by the sight of the person whom he hadn't seen for almost a year now. Julia Sampson. Beautiful MIT graduate, a former student of Collins' during those few painful weeks of last year… she helped him and Angel more than they could have imagined, and after she graduated she moved to California. It had been quite a while since any of them had heard from her. Mark groaned and rubbed his arm which had been the first body part of his to impact the hard floor… but upon lifting his head enough to see the cause of the trouble and he too was struck so hard by it. From when he last spoke with Julia, it was decided by both of them to just remain friends but their contact soon fizzled out not long after Angel recovered and they all tried to resume their lives.

"Julia?"

Amused at the twisted pile that constituted of the three bohemians, Julia shook her head and chuckled at the sight. She dropped her backpack on the floor just inside the loft and knelt down to help them up. Looking around, the party was in full swing and through the crowd and dim lighting she saw Mimi… Roger, dancing with a very tall drag queen (though probably not of his own free will, she reasoned), Maureen was dancing with at _least_ three guys, and Collins… she raised an eyebrow in his direction when she saw him sitting on the sofa next to Mimi with a child in his lap. _A child?_ Her mind screamed. _No friggen way… no way!_ Her confused state was interrupted when she felt something tugging at the bottom of her blouse, and looked down to see Joanne… who appeared to be in a less than sober state… trying with all the energy she had left to get up, not caring that she was pushing Mark and Angel out the way to do so. Julia grabbed Angel's arm and assisted him to his feet; and he straightened out his skirt and adjusted his top. Meanwhile, Joanne rolled off Mark who was going red in the face from the weight of having both the lawyer and drag queen crash down on top of him, and gulped down the drink of life when oxygen was finally allowed to move at a faster rate into his lungs. He gasped and grasped at is chest. Once Angel had straightened him self out, both he and Julia took one of Mark's arms each and dragged him up.

"Thanks," he breathed, and a few seconds later all three of them assisted Joanne up, both Mark and Angel once again resuming their positions either side of her to keep her steady upright. Once everyone was okay again, Mark turned to get a better look at the graduate student. Her preppy look had disappeared in favour of a more relaxed, casual Californian look. Jeans and a denim jacket covered a white blouse, and black boots. Her hair was pulled into a tight pony tail and her make up was natural; light. "Whooooa… long time no see; what you doing back?"

She smiled and stood aside so Angel and he could move Joanne out of the loft and into the main stair way. "I heard there was a party being thrown by my favourite New Yorkers, so I just thought I'd drop by!"

Mark stared at her. "You _heard_…?"

"Okay, okay, Maureen found my name while going through Collins' university planner to get names for this thing. Apparently I still merit an invitation!" she confessed in good nature and patted Joanne's shoulder as she passed her by.

"Wow… this is awesome, sweetie!" Angel practically squealed and almost sent both Joanne and Mark back to the ground, but caught him self before anything happened. "Collins is gonna be so happy to see you again!"

Julia picked up her backpack and glanced behind her – Collins was still in the same position as she had seen him seconds earlier, and was talking and laughing with Mimi. The little girl sitting on his lap was now lying on him, clutching his shirt with one hand and sucking on her finger, blinking multiple times in rapid succession. She seemed to be getting a little tired and looked no older than five or six years old. Collins – and probably Angel – had some serious explaining to do. "Speaking of which… what exactly have I missed with you two?" she smiled at Angel. "Something's gone down, I know…"

"Too much information in too little time, Jules…" Angel replied. "You and I will catch up on all the goss later, when I help Mark get Joanne home. Oh, in case you're wondering, so not to spook the kid, her name is Mercy."

"Mercy? Cool… and what's the story here?"

"Ang, she's getting too much!" Mark whined, pulling Joanne up again, which snapped Angel back to reality, out of the surprise of seeing Julia again.

"Sorry, babe, I'll be back!" Angel told her and went back to helping with her drunken friend. "Make yourself at home!"

Julia went into the loft and all around a collective total of between fifteen and twenty people were standing, sitting, or dancing around, engaged in their own conversations. She'd be in New York for three days anyway, to visit her sister who was about to give birth so when Maureen called, she figured there was no harm in catching up with her New York buddies again. The rock music was jammin', pumped up to full volume so loud that the vibrations could seriously be felt and she again dropped her bag. Collins had still not noticed her presence and whispered something in Mercy's ear. He looked up to tell Mimi something; she nodded and moved just enough for him to sit up and sit the child up with him. He finished his drink, and Mercy finished her soda and then Collins stood up and held her in cradling position. Again, he whispered in her ear and then moved her so he could hold her more safely and Mimi moved again to let them through.

"Where we going?" Mercy asked with serene softness.

"Getting you some fresh air," Collins replied, seeing her growing discomfort with the slightly claustrophobic and warm conditions of the loft. She wanted some space. And while Angel was off doing her thing, he had assumed a very paternal, protective role more so than before. Now there were more people here; more chances for Mercy to get lost or confused or scared or hurt… or all of that combined. The only other person he trusted with the child's safety was Angel and she had disappeared somewhere once again. And now with these latest developments arising of the Mercy's background and her parents' association with the drug community, that desire was strengthened even more. "Come on…"

Everyone was a lot looser and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that drugs were probably flowing, but it didn't matter anyway. No place for a child now that the scene was picking up quite a bit and more people were arriving, so there was no better place to take her out now, than maybe…

"Hey, how about I take you to the roof?" he asked her. "It's really pretty. All the lights and stuff."

"Lots of people?"

"No one but you and me."

That piece of information and the overall suggestion made her feel a lot better and she rested her face against the side of his neck while nodding. "Sounds good."

"Sounds good?"

"Yup."

But as he carried her beyond where the main party was, Collins didn't get more than four feet before a familiar face came into view. There, standing just inside the doorway, was his former student Julia Sampson. His eyes widened and had to put his free arm around Mercy even more so to prevent him self from dropping her… was this an illusion? Julia giggled at his response to seeing her, though her amusement and happiness contrasted the other feelings of confusion and wanting to melt at the sight of him holding the child the way a father does with his daughter. Protective but loving. And she had to admit to her self that she never imagined seeing him in this kind of role, and could only think of how Angel was with this very adorable-looking girl. Had they adopted a kid in her absence? It was a strange and highly unrealistic idea, considering at this time it was impossible for gay couples to adopt or marry or whatever… but then again, either Angel or Collins could've adopted her as a single parent. But that wasn't likely either; they weren't exactly 'parental' material, not as long as they continued to live the life they did.

"Julia Sampson?"

Mercy stared intently at the very pretty woman. Whoever she was, she and Collins knew each other very well, or that's how it was to her. And her smile was a friendly one… not at all intimidating or fake. But she wasn't from around here. Mercy's brief, visual, silent assessment of this new person only took a few seconds and though she gripped Collins' shirt tighter, she wasn't afraid. He lowered her to the ground but instantly she held onto his arm, her tiny fingers barely able to interlace with his own; the strength of his grip provided all the security she needed. And she remained silent.

"Hey, Tom!" Julia greeted with a big, cheesy grin and she walked over to them. Still in shock, Collins had to shake himself free of the intense reaction to seeing the woman who had played such an important, and wonderful, part of his life. If it wasn't for her, he probably never would've been courageous enough to go after Angel on his own. "Oh my God, you're looking great!"

"I don't look any different than before…"

She punched his arm, not too hard, and scoffed. "I thought that's what you're _supposed_ to say when you see a dear friend you haven't seen in a while!" she teased. He feigned hurt and pretended to be devastated by her comments.

"So you _don't_ think I look great? Right now I'm about as hurt and distressed as those plastic old women living on Park Avenue after they break a nail!"

"Actually… that is pretty devastated…"

"Oh yeah, like _you've _dropped your delightfully deceptive wit."

"Thanks, handsome!"

He laughed and let go of Mercy's hand to pull Julia in for a hug, in which she was more than willing to return the favour. The two friends embraced and enjoyed every minute of it, breathing in each other's scent for the first time in over a year. Collins still felt indebted to her for all her love and support she gave him during those tumultuous weeks after seeing Angel again for the first time. She was his rock in times of uncertainty and instability. They pulled away but kept their arms around each other.

"Seriously, though, you're looking beautiful as ever," he softly, and seriously, told her.

"And you're still as charming as you always were, professor," she replied with a small smile. "I'm in town for a few days. My sister, Lucy, is having a baby!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah!"

"That's awesome… hey, have you seen Angel yet? She'd be psyched to see you back in town again."

Julia nodded. "Yeah, she was umm… a little shocked, to say the least. She was helping Mark carry Joanne out the loft a few minutes ago."

Collins frowned, and concern immediately replaced the joy of seeing his friend for the first time in a while. "What? What's happened; where's Joanne? Is she okay?"

"RELAX!" Julia stressed, continuing. "She appeared to be fine… very trashed, but nothing she can't sleep off. She'll probably regret it in the morning. Angel was so shocked to see me, she dropped Joanne and all three of them fell to the floor – it was hell funny, but Joanne barely knew what happened," she chuckled at remembering that bit. "You should've seen it."

"Where they gone?"

"Presumably back to Joanne's apartment, at least that's what I gathered from Mark's complaining. Either way, he and Ang should be back soon."

The conversation trailed off at that point and Mercy stared back and forth between them, sensing that whoever this person was, she must have been very important to her new guardians. Feeling that Collins had forgotten she was standing there, she reached up and tugged on his sleeve.

"Collins?"

He looked down and saw she was staring up at him with those gorgeous, big, wide green eyes and suddenly he remembered. "Shit," he muttered and leaned down and picked her up again. "Sorry, Merc!" he kissed her temple and Julia cautiously made eye contact with her. How did they come by her to begin with? The now-computer software designer had the distinct feeling that this kid was not like most… she had an aura about her. One of dirty, dark innocence… kinda like Angel. "Uhh… Jules, this is um…"

"Mercy?"

He paused. "Yeah…"

Mercy tightened her hold on Collins, spooked when this lady somehow knew her name. Being only two years old when her parents were killed, she couldn't remember who they affiliated with, but she had learned not to be so trusting with strangers. Collins and Angel were different; there was something special about them that had drawn her to them. With other adults it was different, given the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of her foster family. Collins studied her and could feel in his arms the tension rising in her… feeling her chest against his, her heartbeat was beating so fast he thought she might go into convulsions. It wasn't rocket science to reason why she was nervous – her tiny pale hands that contrasted his skin tone so greatly were shaking and he covered them with his own to settle her. "Mercy, sweetie, this is Julia… she's a good friend of mine, you don't gotta worry…"

"Hey, beautiful," Julia sweetly spoke, waving a little. "Don't worry, Angel told me your name… you don't gotta be scared."

As predicted, Mercy didn't reply and she blankly stared and pouted her lips, her shyness taking over the vivacity of her personality, which happened often. If he didn't know any better, Collins would swear she was schizophrenic with all the times her personality changed from lively and energetic to reserved and silent. "Mercy, its okay… she won't bite."

Whatever he told her, was something she could hold true and his sincerity wasn't something she could distrust even if the will to do so was there. The music, the chatting, and the dancing… it was still going strong but now in her world there was only the three of them, and she still wanted to go up and see the pretty lights of the roof. Mercy stuck her hand out.

"Hi," she politely spoke. Julia, touched by the girls change in demeanor, reached out and lightly connected with her hand, and the two shook in polite greeting. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Mercy."

The girl then looked at the man holding her and with a puzzled expression, she said, "I thought you said you'd take me to the roof!"

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_ Mercy and Collins go to the roof. Mark receives a phone call from Sam. Roger goes to visit Sam, two volatile men in a very hostile situation. Mimi, Angel, and Collins corner Marcela and she confesses all… they find out just who Mercy's parents worked for, and then betrayed… Angel has another nightmare.**


	14. Special Note

Special Note:

**Special Note:**

Hello everyone! I know, I know it's been such a long time since I've written anything to do with RENT, and I'm _so, so, so_ sorry that I've neglected my stories. For a long while I lost my interest in RENT, and had no inspiration to write. That and I've been so busy with work and university that a lot of my writings have taken a back seat.

But guess what? I've found my interest in RENT again, and will be starting new stories. What I'd like to know is if anyone wants me to keep writing on this story, because I want to keep writing on it, or if I should get rid of it and start something knew. If I don't get answers either way, I'll assume I should get rid of it. I don't want to, but if there's no further interest then I'll start fresh with a new batch of stories.

As of right now, I have a Mimi/Roger story in the works, a Benny story, and another Angel/Collins story, as well as a general fic. Lots of stories, I know. But since my last update on my RENT stories, including this one, I think my writing as improved significantly.

So, let me know if I should continue this or not. Either leave a comment or send me a PM. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks!

Lizzie


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